Calvin and Hobbes II: Lost at Sea REWRITTEN
by garfieldodie
Summary: A rewritten version of Swing123's original fanfic. Calvin and Hobbes find themselves dragged along on a fishing trip by Calvin's dad, which is only compounded when they get lost at sea on a cruise ship.
1. The First Day of Summer

**Author's Notes: **_At long last, here it is. The rewrite of Swing123's original fic, Calvin and Hobbes II Lost at Sea. Sadly, Swing has been very uninvolved in the writing process of this story. He provided the outline for the first half, and he managed to write this chapter, but he's busy with other things, so he basically let me write and plan out the rest of it. So this is the only thing in the story written entirely be Swing himself. I hope you enjoy it. _

* * *

Calvin sat motionless at his desk, staring at the clock above Miss Wormwood's desk with a half glazed expression. As per usual for the last day of school before summer, the second hand began taking three seconds to click forward, as the time slowly approached twelve thirty.

"Alright class, before I let you go for the summer, I'd like to go over a small assignment for the season."

Calvin's eye twitched, slightly.

"When I see you again, I want to see a two page report on how your summer was. It doesn't have to be too descriptive, I just want to make sure you keep your writing over the…"

_BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING_

_ZOOM!_

Before anyone else had even comprehended that the bell had rang, Calvin was gone.

Papers were flying around the room and the door was slightly swaying back and forth following the aftermath of his departure. Miss Wormwood sighed.

"See you in August, class," she said, taking the eraser and moving it across the chalk board, as the other class members began gathering their things together.

Susie slowly climbed up onto the bus and looked around to find Calvin already sitting in his seat, flipping through a small notebook. She walked over and sat down next to him.

"Hey Calvin," she grinned.

Calvin looked up at her. "Ah yes, of course. Much greetings," he said, looking back down at the notebook.

"What are you doing?"

"Very important and top secret operations that will for sure change the course of humanity as we very well know it."

"It says 'list of things not to do this summer'." Susie observed.

"To the untrained eye, I can see why you would make that misconception." Calvin nodded.

Susie rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Calvin, I actually might be going to Denver this summer."

"Intriguing. I was there just last week."

"No you weren't..."

"I was, indeed. Hobbes, MTM and I were doing a very important study on the giant mutant tadpole alien-things that live in the Denver sewers." He thought for a moment. "Well... MTM and I were studying them; Hobbes was hiding through most of it..."

"You were at class, last week..."

"You keep forgetting I can teleport," Calvin said, looking back up.

Susie sighed. "How could I be so naive?"

"Still trying to figure that out," Calvin said, looking back down at the notebook.

"So what do you plan on doing this summer, Calvin?"

"Probably a lot of nothing. With any luck, no one will interrupt it…"

"What's your report going to be like, then?"

"Probably very boring. Don't expect too much."

Susie sighed. "Well, I'm going to go meet my favorite actor a Denver film festival."

"Ah and who's that?"

"Dennis Quaid,"

"Sounds like a glorious ol' time. Tell him hello and I'll try and get all the nanobots out of his bathtub by Thursday." Calvin said furiously scribbling on his notepad.

Suddenly, the bus began slowing as it approached Calvin and Susie's houses. Calvin looked up.

"Ah good, we've arrived back at the headquarters. Miss Derkins, may I inquire to your departure schedule?"

The two got up from their seats and exited the bus. "Um... next week... Why?"

Calvin tapped his chin in thought with his pencil. "Hmm, no reason."

"If you hit me with any water balloons, Calvin, I promise you I'll..."

"No, don't worry about that, water balloons aren't in our budget right now." Calvin assured her. "We're mainly focusing on the pinecone industry."

"Calvin…," Susie growled.

"If it's not acceptable to you, you're very much welcome to attend our next financial handling meeting." Calvin shrugged.

"I'll see you later, Calvin." Susie grumbled, crossing the street towards her own house.

Calvin shrugged and walked towards his door. He paused for a second. He examined the door for a long moment before taking the doorknob and slowly turning it.

"He… Hello?" he whispered peering inside. "I'm home..."

Nothing happened. Not seeing any sign of Hobbes encouraged Calvin to open the door a little wider.

"I'm home…," he said a little louder.

Nothing happened.

"_I'M HOME_!" he shouted, immediately covering his head in fear. He waited. Nothing happened.

"Welcome home, honey," Mom called from the kitchen.

Calvin slowly opened his eyes and looked around. Hobbes was still nowhere to be found. He grinned and straightened himself up. He kicked his shoes off and started up the stairs towards his bedroom. He yawned as he nonchalantly opened the door to his bedroom.

_POW!_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"

_CRASH!_

Before he even knew what had collided with him, Calvin went flying back down the stairs and hit the floor with an overly happy tiger on top of him.

"Hoo-hoo! That's what I needed – a change in scenery!" the tiger hyped jumping up and knocking a kink out of his neck.

Calvin lay in a heap on the floor and groaned. Mom hurried in from the other room.

"Calvin, what happened?" she asked, rushing over and helping him up. "Are you alright?"

"Probably not..."

"Did you fall down the stairs, again?"

"You could call it that…," Calvin grumbled.

Mom inspected Calvin up and down.

"Well, you don't seem to have any bad injuries…," she sighed, standing up.

"That's what you say," Calvin said, rubbing his neck. "I'm probably riddled with internal bleeding and ruptured organs."

"You just need to be more careful climbing these stairs, Calvin," Mom said, walking back to the kitchen. "This is the third time this week you've fallen down them."

"Yeah, I figured you'd catch on, after a while…," Hobbes said rubbing his chin.

"Shut up, Hobbes," Calvin mumbled, climbing the stairs back to his bedroom. He trudged into his bedroom and collapsed onto his bed.

At his appearance, MTM beeped and switched on.

"I'm sensing a disturbance in the force," he yawned, scanning the room.

"Good to see you, too, MTM," Calvin mumbled.

"Oh it's you. How was your last school day?"

"As shocking as it would sound, it actually was exactly like every single other school day of the previous year…except shorter."

"Sounds like a simply wondrous time."

"You wonder why I complain about it so much," Calvin said, sitting up.

Hobbes strolled in at that moment, munching on a sandwich. He sat down on the bed next to Calvin and smacked his lips.

"Did you bring the list?" he questioned.

Calvin reached into his backpack. "Of course I did. I've been working on it, all day."

"Shouldn't you have been doing school?" MTM asked.

"If I was a wimp then: sure."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin took the list out and examined it. "Hmm, so what's our budget looking like right now, Hobbes?"

"I managed to find seventy-three cents."

"Good, we'll get Andy and Socrates to give us whatever other money we'll need."

"Very nice. So what's the main thing we'll need?"

"Candy bars, water balloons, comic books and an RPG."

"Might have a hard time finding that last one…"

"Good point. I'll replace RPG with flamethrower."

"Sounds good to me. By the way, didn't we say water balloons weren't in our budget, this year?"

"That was before Susie warned me not to hit her with one."

"Ah, it all makes sense now."

"Very good," Calvin said, rolling the list up. "MTM, would you do the honors of bringing our accomplices to the party?"

"Certainly," MTM said. "Hang about a mo."

There was a moment of silence.

_BRAZAP!_

Then there was a flash of light and Andy, Sherman and Socrates all snapped into existence in front of Calvin and Hobbes, each of them in a different position, indicting what they were doing before they were teleported. They all looked around in surprise.

"Well, I _never_ get tired of this…," Sherman grumbled, throwing his lab coat off.

"You actually just saved me," Andy sighed. "My aunt was coming over, and I needed to wear the sweater she knitted for me last Christmas."

"Always a pleasure to help," Calvin nodded. "Long time no see."

"What are you talking about? We saw each other yesterday," Sherman said.

"Well, not from the perspective of our viewers."

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

"He's got a point," Socrates nodded.

"So shall we get down to business?" Calvin asked.

"And what might that be?" Andy asked.

"We're going down to Brown's General Store to stock up on summer supplies," Hobbes said with a nod.

"Ooh! Now I remember! I actually made a list for that!" Socrates called out, excitedly.

"Oh lord," Sherman groaned.

"Socrates, most of the things you want, Brown's General Store usually doesn't even carry…," Andy began.

"It's okay, I can adapt." Socrates grinned.

"Oh _lord_," Sherman groaned again, covering his face.

"_Anyway_…," Calvin said, trying to change the subject. "We should probably head out now, before the summer rush starts."

"Summer rush?" Hobbes asked.

"Other kids buying all the stuff I want."

"Ah."

"So MTM, if you could do the honors of the teleportation, once more?" Calvin said, motioning to the CD player.

"Sorry?" MTM said, clearly having not paid attention to the conversation.

"Brown's General Store? Can we go there, now?"

"Ah, right, I actually have a new feature that creates a thirty minute interval in between each teleportation I perform." MTM said.

"What? How long have you had this?" Calvin asked, his brow furrowing.

"Three days…"

"I never installed that into you."

"Nah, I installed it myself."

"Why?"

"To prevent interdimensional hard drive overheating and laziness," MTM replied.

"Well who are you to judge?" Socrates sniffed, crossing his arms.

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Fine, we'll walk," he grumbled, picking the CD player up. "Come on, guys."

And with that, Calvin jumped off the bed and left the bedroom with Hobbes in close pursuit. Andy and Sherman sighed and followed close behind while Socrates cheerfully skipped behind them.

* * *

"Ah, it's been a long time since I've been in here," Andy reminisced, looking around all the candy and trinkets around the store.

"Why's that?" Hobbes asked.

"Been a bit busy with other things. I haven't had as much free time as I used to. Life pushes forward, you know?"

"No, not really," Hobbes said.

Andy blinked. "Um, Socrates?"

"Did I do something?" Socrates said, suddenly looking up from the joke shelf with an innocent expression.

Andy sighed. "I should know better than to contemplate life to a tiger," he mumbled.

"I stopped doing that _years_ ago," Calvin said.

"So I haven't done anything?" Socrates asked again, looking around.

Calvin, Andy and Hobbes all stared at the tiger.

"…What?"

"Never mind," Calvin grumbled. "Where's Sherman?"

"Last I saw of him, he was looking through the science aisle," Andy said.

"This place has a science aisle?" asked Hobbes.

"Sort of – science in the sense of tiny kits telling you how to stick wires into a potato," Calvin shrugged.

"I'm gonna go get him real quick." Andy said. "He'll probably be complaining about how horrible it is, so you better brace yourselves."

And with that, Andy walked off.

Calvin picked up a bag of gummy worms and examined them. "Hmm, Hobbes, this looks like a good bag," he considered.

"Does it?" Hobbes hummed.

"Good weight. Decent size. I deduce at least thirty gummy worms contained inside."

"Hmm, so if my calculations are correct, this one bag should last us a good two minutes." Hobbes said, rubbing his chin.

"Hmm, quite. So that's two minutes out of the summer… How many minutes are in summer vacation?"

"Um… More than two."

"We're gonna need more gummy worms."

"Gummy… Gummy… bubble gum and chocolate…," Socrates rambled.

"What?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh, nothing – just my usual fiendish plots and deviations," Socrates said. "What was I on?"

"Something about bubble gum?"

"Chocolate bubble gum – gummy bear flavored bacon…. With mustard…. And cake frosting… It's a start…"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged significantly worried glances as Andy came walking back, holding a pouting Sherman in his hands.

"What did I miss?" He asked looking around Calvin and Hobbes' expressions.

"Nothing at all," Socrates said, innocently. "If you need me I'll be waiting outside."

Andy watched Socrates stroll casually out the door. He turned to Calvin. "Am I trouble?"

"Probably," Calvin replied.

"No, you're fine. Socrates said that to throw Calvin off and make him think you were his target," Hobbes said while examining some trinkets on the shelf.

"What?! How do you know?" Calvin demanded.

"I've known the cat for seven years." Hobbes said. "I have a pretty good idea on how he operates."

Calvin shot a suspicious glare at the tiger outside, who was rocking back and forth on his feet, whistling and looking at the sky.

"We should go now," he grumbled.

"Agreed," Hobbes said, straightening up.

"Well?" Sherman demanded suddenly. "Isn't anybody going to ask me how enraging and insulting the science kits were?!"

Calvin and Hobbes stared at Sherman for a short moment.

"We'll fill you in when we care," Hobbes said, patting Sherman on the head as he walked by.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

Socrates was furiously writing on a notepad as the group walked home.

"What are you writing there, Socrates?" Calvin said, looking over his shoulder, suspiciously.

"Nothing," Socrates said, hiding the writings and doodles from Calvin's view.

"Obviously it's something," Calvin growled.

"Certainly nothing that concerns anybody in this group," Socrates said, innocently.

"That's it! Out with it, kitty! What are you planning?!" Calvin finally yelled, pointing an accusing finger at the tiger.

Socrates gave Calvin a hurt expression.

"Calvin, surely after seven years of friendship and laughs, we have some form of mutual trust for each other?" he said, putting his paw on his heart.

"Don't give me that! You're planning to hang me upside down over something and drop me in, aren't you?"

"I'm shocked, Calvin!"

"Me too, honestly," Hobbes said. "Didn't you get over the "drop people into thick liquids" phase back in '09?"

"Sort of," Socrates shrugged. "Kinda moved on to the mayonnaise theme for a good year or so.

"Oh yeah, I remember that," Andy said with a nod.

"Quit changing the subject!" Calvin ordered.

"When did that theme end?" Hobbes asked.

"Probably around the same time I started mixing Listerine and lotion together and using that instead," Socrates nodded. "Have to say, I miss the good old days, though."

"What days were those?" Sherman asked.

"The days when mayo only cost a dollar fifty a jar," Socrates reminisced. "All these people have been going on about gas prices and health care reform, but I haven't heard a single one mention rising condiment prices."

"I can't imagine why," Andy said.

"Clearly it's because priorities are out of order," Socrates sighed. "What were we talking about, Calvin?"

"Never mind," Calvin grumbled.

They walked in silence for a while.

"I should run for president!" Socrates suddenly exclaimed.

"Oh good grief…," Sherman groaned.

"Alright, that'll be my goal for this year!"

"You're a bit late for that, Socrates," Hobbes said.

"Nonsense! It's never too late! All I need is ten billion dollars for my campaign! Now let's see, should I be Democrat or Republican?"

"I feel like we may be entering some rather touchy subjects, Socrates," Andy said.

"Well, I'll be offending people no matter what party I am, Andy. Besides, watching people get angry because I said something they have the opposite opinion of is half the fun!"

"I think we're starting to slip into a political satire." MTM suddenly chimed in.

Everyone jumped as though having forgotten he was there.

"You've been quiet," Calvin said.

"Silence is wisdom," MTM said.

"Smug…," Sherman muttered.

"Like I said though, we need something to break out of this before we have a bunch of politicians hounding us."

At that very moment, there was the very distinct sound of lightning, as a red and yellow rocket ship plummeted from the heavens and crashed into the road ahead from the group, creating a veritable crater.

"There we go," MTM said, sounding as though he was nodding.

"Oh, what is it this time?" Calvin muttered.

Everyone stopped and watched as smoke slowly rose from the crater, and the sound of a hatch opening was heard, followed by one unforgettable scream.

"I KNEW IT! You said the technology tracker wouldn't work! YOU SAID IT WAS GLITCHY! But I've finally done it! After all these years, I've pinpointed Calvin and Hobbes' location down to the very last margin and crashed the ship into them! THEY'RE GONE FOREVER! BWA HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

At that moment, Jack T. Robot emerged from the rocket and looked over at the group. They stared at each other for a long moment before he nodded to them in greeting.

Calvin and Hobbes waved back.

Jack stretched a kink of out his neck and stepped out of the rocket without saying a word, as he waited for his creator to follow suit.

Sure enough, a tall man with a white lab coat that went down to his knees with black jeans and undershirt leapt from the ship. He had an insane grin on his face and though he looked basically the same, his wild, almost anime styled red hair was noticeably shorter.

"I can see you're utterly speechless from my raw and pure GENIUS, Jack!" Brainstorm roared, putting his hands on his hips and turning towards the sun. "This is only the first step in my long list of 'things to crash into', before I TAKE OVER THE WORLD! What do you have to say about that?!"

Jack stared at Brainstorm for a long moment, with his usual blank expression.

"What?! Do I have something on my face again?! TALK ME JACK! COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO OUR SUCCESS!"

Jack pointed at Calvin and his group. Brainstorm turned at stared at them. For a long moment, nothing was said. Finally, Brainstorm whipped back to the robot.

"For the record, it got us really, really close to them!" Brainstorm roared jabbing a finger at Jack. "And I don't need your smart remarks about any of this!"

"I said nothing," Jack said.

"THERE, YOU SEE?! You just did! This is all going into my report, Jack!" Brainstorm whipped back to Calvin. "YOU!" he screamed, jabbing his finger at him, instead.

"Hey Frank. Nice haircut." Calvin said.

"It is _not,_ it's _horrible!"_ Brainstorm shrieked. "Mother gave it to me and SHEILA WASN'T HELPING!"

"Oh this I gotta hear," Andy said, grinning away.

"She was trying to steal the hair that was cut off to make a zombie clone of him that she could insult, browbeat and have as her own personal undead-slave," Jack said.

"Not gonna lie, that's kinda creepy."

"Yeah well, Sheila's kinda creepy."

"STOP TALKING ABOUT MY FAMILY IN FRONT OF ME!" Brainstorm screamed. "I already know they're all insane!"

"Well, it's really saying something when I say you got the best genes out of all of them," Socrates nodded.

"SILENCE!" Brainstorm roared, throwing his hands up. "I HAVE COME TO DESTROY ALL OF YOU!"

"We've gathered," Calvin said. "So what is it, this time? Have you finished the genetically mutated man eating rake, yet?"

"NO, I HAVEN'T! It's still in the beta stages…"

"What does that mean?" Hobbes asked.

"It keeps trying to eat him when he gives it a command," Jack said.

"STOP DISCLOSING TOP SECRET INFORMATION TO THE ENEMY, JACK!"

"Please Frank, people are staring," Calvin said.

"DR BRAINSTORM! AND I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY NEW INVENTION WILL SURELY BRING YOU TO YOUR KNEES TO WORSHIP ME FOREVER!"

"Uh-huh…"

"BEHOLD!" Brainstorm reached into his coat pocket and whipped out his usual Servant Ray.

Everyone stared at it.

"That… looks familiar…," Socrates said, slowly.

"To the untrained eye, it would!" Brainstorm announced. "THIS IS THE SERVANT RAY DG3-JZ!"

"Is it, now?" Calvin said. "What does DG3-JZ stand for?"

"It is part of his activation number for his copy of Photoshop." Jack said.

"SHUT UP, JACK!" Brainstorm screamed. "The DG-3 has been perfected in _every _form! Never again will it do the opposite of what I tell it to do! SERVANT RAY! MAKE CALVIN AND HOBBES BOW BEFORE ME!"

A red bolt of lightning flew from the tip of the gun and towards the group.

"Force field," Calvin said in a bored sort of voice.

"Way ahead of ya," MTM yawned.

In the split instant before the lightning struck them, a blue dome manifested around Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman. The lightning bounced off and shot to the sky instead.

Brainstorm stared at them. "Oh right, I forgot about that…," he mumbled. "No matter! SERVANT RAY! Make Calvin and Hobbes bow before me, regardless of the presence of a force field!"

Red lighting erupted once again from the tip of the gun.

"Teleportation," Calvin yawned.

"On it," MTM replied smoothly.

_Pop… …pop…_

In an instant, Calvin and his group had teleported a mere ten feet to the right. The lightning struck the ground and made no effect.

"DARN IT, STOP DOING THAT!" Brainstorm screamed. "SERVANT RAY – MAKE CALVIN AND HOBBES BOW BEFORE ME REGARDLESS OF THE PRESENCE OF A FORCE FIELD OR TELEPORTATION!"

Again, red lightning shot towards Calvin and Hobbes.

"Counter," Calvin said.

"Uh huh," MTM yawned.

Blue lightning exploded from the tip of the MTM, colliding with the red lightning, which in turn dissipated it.

"FINE! EXAMPLE TIME IS _OVER_!" Brainstorm screamed. "YOU GET THE POINT!"

Jack pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling rather embarrassed.

"SERVANT RAY! SEND A DEADLY MONSTER ROBOT THING TO DESTROY CALVIN AND HOBBES FOREVER!"

Suddenly, the ground began rumbling, slightly. The pavement cracked and suddenly, a metal pincher exploded from the ground.

Everyone stared at it.

Finally, a giant tin robot with glowing red eyes and two pinchers for arms emerged from the road, leaving a giant hole behind it.

"I pity the people who end up having to fix this," Sherman deadpanned.

"Destroy," the robot said in a monotone voice, approaching Calvin on its wheeled legs.

"Deactivate," Calvin said.

"Okay…," MTM said, barely paying attention.

"Destroy. Destroy. Destroy. Destroy... Des… troy… Destro_oooooo**yyyyyyyy**_…"

After a few moments, the red light in the robot's eyes flickered out and the robot fell forward, collapsing face first onto the ground.

Everyone stared down at it.

"Well, I can already tell this is going to be anti-climactic," Socrates sighed, shaking his head disappointedly.

"SEND _TWO_ DEADLY MONSTER ROBOT THINGS… Wait. No…" Brainstorm thought for a moment. "…AND MAKE IT SO THEY CAN'T BE _DEACTIVATED_!"

In an instant, two more identical robots burst from the ground, snapping their pinchers and rolling towards Calvin and Hobbes, both chanting "destroy" in semi-unison.

"Laser," Calvin sighed.

"Right-o," MTM said.

_ZAP!_

Electricity and sparks flew everywhere as the two robots were sliced perfectly in half by MTM's laser. They lingered for a short moment before also collapsing to the ground along with their predecessor.

Brainstorm slapped his forehead. "Oh for the love of… JACK! HELP ME OUT HERE!"

"With what?" Jack sighed, looking up from his magazine with a tired expression.

"Destroying Calvin and Hobbes!" Brainstorm yelled, motioning towards the group.  
Jack looked over at them. Calvin waved again. "His stupid CD player keeps stopping me!"

"Huh…," Jack smacked.

"I demand you tell me how to beat him!"

"We're out of Dr. Pepper."

"I'LL GET MORE _FLIPPIN'_ DR. PEPPER!"

"When?"

"As soon as they've been destroyed!"

"You're listening to me, right?"

"OF COURSE I AM!"

"What are we out of?"

Brainstorm paused. "Pepsi…?"

Jack's metal face twisted into a look of distaste. "Ew…"

"FINE! WHATEVER SODA YOU WANT, YOU CAN HAVE! NOW TELL ME HOW TO DESTROY THEM!"

"Tell the servant ray to turn the MTM off."

There was a moment of silence.

"UTTER GENIUS!" Brainstorm roared.

"Whatever," Jack said, looking back down to his magazine.

The mad scientist whipped back around to Calvin and Hobbes. "SERVANT RAY! TURN THE MTM OFF!" He screeched.

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin looked down at the MTM. "You still there?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, I'm good," MTM replied.

Brainstorm's brow furrowed. "… The heck? SERVANT RAY! Turn the MTM off!"

The servant ray sparked slightly, but did nothing. Brainstorm hit it several times.

"TURN THE MTM OFF!"

"He does know you can just turn it back on, right?" Hobbes whispered into Calvin's ear.

Calvin shrugged.

"OKAY, FINE! _DO NOT_ TURN THE MTM OFF!" Brainstorm screamed.

"Shutting down," MTM said before his lights turned off.

Brainstorm paused. "Um… okay…," he started looking at the servant ray, confused.

Jack rolled his eyes.

Brainstorm whipped back around to Jack shouting, "TROUBLESHOOT!"

Jack looked up. "What?"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?"

"You've used it too much. It's overheating."

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?"

"You broke it. It's exactly the same as the last one, now."

"LIES! NOTHING BUT _LIES!"_

Calvin pushed a button on the MTM. "Starting up," MTM said as his lights came back on. "1, 2, 3, 4 and 20 blackbirds baked in a pie."

Brainstorm whipped back around to Calvin and Hobbes. "SERVANT RAY! DESTROY CALVIN AND HOBBES!"

Nothing happened.

"DESTROY THEM!"

Nothing.

"DO NOT DESTROY THEM!"

Still nothing happened.

"WHAT THE HECK?!"

"What?" Jack said, looking back up.

"IT'S NOT WORKING AT ALL, NOW!"

"Huh…"

"What's wrong with it now?!"

"I guess you super broke it. Good job."

"FOR THE LOVE OF…!" Brainstorm whipped back to Calvin. "YOU THINK YOU'VE WON, DON'T YOU?!"

"I dunno. Were we fighting?" Calvin asked. "It's kinda hard to tell with you."

"WELL, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW YOU HAVEN'T!"

"Okay."

"I'LL BE BACK! THE WAR RAGES ON! _I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!_"

"What war is he talking about?" Hobbes asked.

"Beats me, I just stay for the free entertainment," Andy shrugged.

"GET IN THE ROCKET, JACK!"

"Whatever you say, Frank," Jack said, rolling the magazine up and yawning.

"DR BRAINSTORM!"

"See you later, Calvin. Good to see you guys again."

"Same," Calvin said, waving goodbye.

And with that, Jack climbed into the rocket, followed shortly by Brainstorm. There was a small silence as the hatch closed behind them. Then, the engines roared up, and the rocket did a complete U-turn and shot up towards the sky, once again.

"That's not the cloaking device, Frank, that's the megaphone," Jack's voice was suddenly heard reverberating across the town.

"SHUT UP, JACK, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!"

Then, there was silence.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and Socrates all stared at where the rocket had disappeared.

"Well, that was interesting," Hobbes said. "So what were we talking about?"

"Something about gummy-bear-bubble-gum!" Socrates said, excitedly.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

* * *

Calvin and his group slowly walked up the sidewalk towards Calvin's house.

"Well, the summer is certainly off to a decently entertaining start," Hobbes said. "That's usually either a really good sign or a really bad sign."

"I'm going to go with a very neutral sign," Socrates said, who was back to scribbling madly on his notepad.

"Remind me why we walked half way across town with you even though we didn't get anything?" Sherman grumbled.

"You would've been bored at home," Calvin said.

"He raises a fair point," Socrates nodded, tapping his chin with his pen.

"Anyway, I better get inside before Mom starts wondering where I've gone," Calvin said, stepping into his yard. "We'll see you guys later."

"See ya, Calvin. Hobbes," Andy said, waving. "Call if you need anything."

And with that, the five went their separate ways as Calvin and Hobbes approached the front door.

"Well, I wonder how this summer will go," Calvin wondered aloud.

"We'll probably be attacked several times by people we don't want to deal with," Hobbes sighed.

"More than likely. At least it's entertaining."

"Yeah, when we're not actually ten steps away from death."

Calvin opened the front door. "Oh quit being so morbid. I'm sure everything will be – "

He was suddenly cut off. His mouth dropped and his eyes widened.

Hobbes looked around. He immediately noticed several suitcases sitting around in front of the door and Dad had walked by wearing a fishing cap. The same fishing cap he wore every time he was planning for a family camping trip.

Calvin turned to Hobbes. "Never mind, we're gonna die," he said, blankly.

Hobbes heaved a deep sigh. "Great…," he mumbled.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_And so it begins... Tune in next week!_


	2. Prison Tour

Calvin's father was a lot of things. He was a patent lawyer, for a start. He was also a bicycle enthusiast – or a bicycle lunatic, as Calvin would put it. He loved jogging, even if it was in the middle of a blizzard, and he loved eating stuff like dried prunes. He was also an early riser, who enjoyed getting up at the crack of dawn and doing loads of chores before noon on his day off.

But most of all, he really enjoyed camping. Not just any camping. Not camping where you go out in the back yard in a tent and still have access to your bathroom. He likes the kind of camping where you have to travel out to a faraway place, rent a deserted island for a week, paddle in a canoe, go fishing, swim in icy water and brave the elements the whole time. While the rest of the family usually hides out in the tents until the trip is over, he gets unadulterated pleasures from getting bitten by mosquitos and sleeping on rocks.

So really, it was no surprise to anyone that he was planning something utterly ridiculous for the family vacation this year. Judging by the luggage that had been stacked neatly in a pile near the stairs, it seemed as though he was planning something particularly staggering this time.

The man in question – again: Calvin's father – was wearing a fishing vest over a plaid shirt, a fishing hat, and had on a large pair of rubber boots. He was grinning away like he'd just one the lottery.

Calvin stared up at him cautiously. "Dad? What are you planning? Why have you gotten all the suitcases out?"

"Calvin, I have great news!" his father replied.

"How great?"

"Your mileage may vary," his mother answered from the kitchen.

Dad ignored her. "We're going fishing!" he exclaimed, holding his arms out in absolute rapture.

Calvin's response left a lot to be desired. In fact, it left absolutely everything to be desired. He just stared at his father for a full five seconds, while the older man never dropped his pose.

"…Fishing?" he repeated.

"Fishing!"

"Fishing…"

"_Fishing_!"

"…Fish…ing?"

"Yes, Calvin, we're going fishing!"

Calvin stole a glance at Hobbes, who was looking at him with growing apprehension – a sentiment that he found himself agreeing with.

"…When?" he finally decided to settle on as his response.

"Tomorrow! We leave in the AM."

"I see…"

He looked at Hobbes again and raised his eyebrows for a brief moment. Hobbes' own eyebrow twitched in response – message received.

"_RUN!_" Calvin shrieked, grabbing his friend by the arm and running up the stairs as fast as he could. They made it to their bedroom and dove inside, slamming the door behind them.

Without missing a beat, they grabbed Calvin's footlocker and proceeded to push it in front of the door, followed by the dresser and the chair from the desk. Then, once vaguely certain that it was secure enough, they both turned and dove under the bed.

After a few tense moments, they heard the doorknob turning, followed by the sound of Dad grunting as he tried to push the door itself open, pushing as hard as he could, but it was no good.

"Young man, open this door," he said sternly.

"We're not going fishing!" Calvin shouted. "I'll hide under my bed all summer if I have to! I'm not going to sit in a boat with you and Mom all week!"

"Oh, come on, Calvin! You'll have fun once we get there!"

"You say that every time we try to go somewhere, and I never do! In fact, if I recall correctly, _none of us do_! We just sit around on a big rock in the middle of a lake, griping at each other!"

"True, but we build character."

"Oh, _that _old chestnut! Face it, Dad! No one in this family likes building character!"

"_Nobody _enjoys building character! That's the point!" Dad snapped back. "Now come on out here! You need to start packing!"

"No! I categorically refuse! You can't make me!"

"Calvin, if you don't open this door and let me in right now, I'm calling Rosalyn, and I'll have her babysit you for an entire _week_! Is that what you want?"

There was a long silence.

Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other, properly stupefied.

"…I think my brain just crashed," Hobbes murmured in amazement.

"What do you think I should say?" Calvin asked.

"You're going to have to do a risk/benefit analysis. Which would be worse – a week with your parents on a lake, or a week in your own home with Rosalyn?"

Calvin groaned. "I _really_ don't need this on the first day of summer…," he sighed, rubbing his forehead.

Dad's voice suddenly carried through the door. "Calvin…?"

"I'm thinking! Don't rush me!" Calvin yelled back.

There was a long tense pause.

Finally, Calvin pounded the floor in frustration and crawled out from under the bed. He approached the door, proceeded to push the furniture out of the way, and then, after a moment's hesitation, he finally opened the door. He looked up at his father's expectant face.

"… Where's this trip?" he asked cautiously.

"The Oregon Coast," Dad replied, beaming. "Calvin, you're going to love it."

"I haven't said 'yes' yet!" Calvin sharply reminded him.

"You're going to anyway."

"How do you deduce that?"

Dad leaned down and smiled pleasantly at Calvin, looking him right in the eye. "Because I told you to," he replied simply.

Calvin stared at his father for a moment before he growled to himself. "Drat."

"Get packing. Bring only the essentials."

And with that, he walked triumphantly away.

Hobbes crawled out from under the bed, stretching as he did so. "Well, I think essentials would include paper for our Last Will and Testaments," he remarked, dusting himself off.

Calvin growled and went off into the closet and pulled out his old suitcase. "Come on. Help me pack my clothes."

Hobbes nodded and went across to the dresser, pulling out several folded up striped red shirts. He handed them over to Calvin, who proceeded to pack them into the open suitcase. He then pulled out several pairs of black pants, and he passed them on as well. Then he reached into the top drawer to pull out several pairs of socks, and as he was passing them over to Calvin, he was rather surprised to see that the neatly-folded clothes had already become unfolded and were being crammed into the suitcase. Calvin took the socks and proceeded to chuck them inside as well.

Hobbes rolled his eyes. Some people, it seemed, were just naturally messy.

"Okay, that's the clothes done," Calvin said, pulling the lid of the suitcase shut. "Now then… What do we need to survive this trip?"

"Tuna," Hobbes said instantly.

Calvin glared at him. "Not in my suitcase, we're not. Every time we put tuna in a suitcase or bag or anything, it smells for weeks afterwards."

"_Tuna_," Hobbes insisted.

"I'm not packing tuna, Hobbes, and that's final!"

Hobbes looked at him for a long moment before he held up a paw, revealing his claws. "You know, most people don't deal well with an angry, hungry tiger sitting next to them on a boat in the middle of a lake…," he remarked casually.

Calvin looked at him for a long moment. He could never tell when Hobbes was serious or not.

"… We'll pack the tuna in a separate bag," he said at last.

"Wonderful," his friend said with an appeased smile.

Calvin sighed to himself and looked over at his desk. "I'll pack my inventions too. Just in case, you know?"

"Just in case what? In case you decide to transmogrify the boat into bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs?"

"No, I… Wait, do you think I could do that?"

Hobbes groaned.

Calvin shook his head and took his Hypercube off the desk. "Relax. It's just in case anything goes wrong. I'll use them in the gravest of emergencies, like in case a sea monster attacks the boat, or Dad starts to tell one of his amusing stories about work."

"Ohh, what could be worse…?"

"Good question."

Calvin gathered up all the inventions he had that were lying around and proceeded to feed them into the gaping maw of his Hypercube, which absorbed them all in a blue flash. Content that that was done he set it down on the desk again and looked around the room for a moment.

"Anything else we need?"

"Well, I notice you haven't gotten around to actually _packing _the tuna yet…"

"Comic books!" Calvin exclaimed. "We _must _pack comic books! It's either that, or read the brochure all week, and that can only carry you so far."

Hobbes sighed with disappointment, but he helped to pack up some comic books anyway, slipping them into a duffel bag.

* * *

Well, as we leave our two heroes packing for a trip that will invariably end in them cold, wet and miserable, let's pull out for a second. Let's take the focus off of them momentarily and look out their bedroom window. Let's have a look at the orange-bluish-ness of the sky.

Now let's leave the bedroom window behind. We're travelling through the window – without breaking it, mind you – and we're heading towards the ever-growing bluish section of the sky. You know the bit – the bit with the twinkly stars winking down at us. We're heading over there.

In fact, we're focused on one star in particular. It's a star that is _definitely_ winking at us.

We're heading towards that winking star. We're going faster and faster…

We're leaving the Earth's atmosphere now. Here we go, still focused on that star in the distance. Here it comes…

Now, here we are, moving at several thousand miles per hour, heading towards our goal.

And that star? It's looking less and less like a star.

At least, it's looking less and less like one _single _star. Now it's starting to look like a bunch of stars. How remarkable!

And now there appears to be something _behind _those stars. In fact, maybe whatever it is, it appears to be _producing_ the stars.

If you haven't figured this out by now, they aren't stars at all.

They're headlights.

And not just any ol' headlights – they're headlights that belong to a spaceship.

Three guesses as to whom that spaceship belongs to.

We're still zooming in on this spaceship. The headlights are still blinking at us.

Oh, look – another window! What a lovely bookend to this section of the story!

This time, though, let's go _through _the window.

And there, within, we can see someone on the other side…

* * *

"Dave!" Earl shouted irritably. "Stop playing with the headlights! You'll kill our batteries!"

Dave looked up from his button in surprise. "Oh, sorry! I got bored."

Earl glared at him for a long moment before he shook his head, depressed. "Yes, I suppose I can't blame you. After these several months, I'd say we're just about out of ideas…"

"Are we?" another voice from a crewmember named Biff asked. "What did we need ideas for?"

Earl savaged him with another angry glare.

Lenny, who was working next to him, leaned over and whispered. "Rupert's still trapped on Earth, remember? The Earth Potentate tricked us and got him banged up in an Earth prison."

Biff blinked, and then he laughed. "Oh, right! I remember now! Boy, that kid sure made fools of _us_, did he? I mean, pretending to be a member of our crew and leading us straight into a trap – _ha_!"

Earl growled angrily at the pair. He proceeded to vent his frustrations on a nearby computer console, which he promptly smashed with a single tentacle.

The other aliens stared at it in shock. They watched as a plume of smoke curled out of the computer's ventilator.

"… Are you mad now?" Lenny asked worriedly.

Earl glared at him again. "Why no, Lenny, I'm not. Whatever gave you that impression?"

"Because you just smashed our navigation computer in a fit of blind fury, that's why."

Earl blinked, and then he stared at the computer. He let out another howl of frustration and pointed at it. "Get this thing repaired again!" he shouted.

Another alien named Luke slithered over holding a tool kit, and he proceeded to get to work.

Seething at his own lack of self-control, Earl slumped down on a swivel chair. "Nine months, we've been at this," he moaned. "Nine months, we've been coming and going from this planet, trying time after time to free our king. Nine months of trying to break him out of that primitive Earth prison, and how far have we gotten? Nowhere! He's still trapped! Our planet is falling apart! We need him back, or we'll be in ruins."

Earl sighed and leaned back in his chair. "It's not right. How could we have allowed ourselves to be fooled so easily?"

"Er, Earl?" Lenny spoke up. "You've been asking us that question for eight months now, and we _still _don't know the answer."

Grumbling to himself, Earl turned around checked one of the screens. "It's getting late where Rupert is," he noted. "It's almost time to implement our latest plan."

"Oh goodie!" a few aliens cheered.

"Right then," Earl said, reassuming authority by getting out of his chair. "Lenny? Carl? Come forward."

Lenny and Carl slithered forward and saluted stupidly.

"Now do you two nimrods know what you're supposed to do?"

"Yes, sir!" both aliens chimed, grinning eagerly.

"Then repeat it to me."

"We're supposed to go down to the planet and save the big boss," Lenny said.

"You guys are going to guide us from the space ship," Carl added.

"And we'll slip in wearing our human disguises."

"And we'll activate that device thingy that you told us to."

"And we'll leave the prison, and then we return that night."

"And we'll break the big boss out of prison!"

"Good!" Earl exclaimed, sighing with relief. "Okay, I think you've finally got it. And it only took me telling you over and over again for three weeks."

Lenny and Carl just grinned proudly.

"Okay, we'll teleport you down to Earth. Get your human disguises ready."

The two aliens returned to their desks and pulled out their holographic disguise units, which were in the form of wristwatches. They slipped them over their tentacles and prepared to activate them.

Earl activated the teleport controls. "Are you ready?"

"Ready!" the two aliens replied.

With no further encouragement and a small hint of discontent, Earl pressed the button, and in a flash of light, Lenny and Carl vanished.

* * *

They reappeared in an alleyway on Earth a few moments later.

After taking a moment to recover from the teleport, they activated their human disguises. Lenny was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts, a Panama straw hat and cheap flip-flops. Carl was wearing a plaid shirt with jeans, sneakers and a baseball cap.

They took another moment to adjust to their new human forms. They leaned against a building for support as they got used to only having two legs.

"I can never get used to this," Carl sighed, practicing walking for a moment.

"Yeah," Lenny agreed. "How do humans handle only having two legs? My sense of balance is completely off!"

Just then, they both heard ringing in their ears. They reached up and activated the communications devices Earl had given them.

"_Lenny? Carl? Are you two reading me?_" Earl's voice said.

"Hey, boss!" Lenny exclaimed. "I can hear you talking, but I can't see you anywhere!"

He heard Earl sigh heavily. "_Yes, Lenny, it is a novelty. Now then, you two – we need to get started. According to my sensors, you need to leave the alley and turn right. Go up the street for three blocks._"

"Check," Carl replied. "Come on, Lenny. Let's go for a walk!"

"It's a nice enough day for it," Lenny replied, looking around the town admiringly as they left the alley.

They turned right and made their way up the street. At first, they managed to make good time, and they made it across the first block without too much trouble. They'd been on Earth enough times now that they recognized the basics of living here.

But of course, by the time they got to the second block, they ended up getting distracted by something.

"Ooh, look: Pizza!" Lenny exclaimed, looking through the window of a pizza place.

"Ooh! Ooh! Can we get pizza, Earl?" Carl pleaded.

"_No!_" Earl snapped over the earpiece. "_You're supposed to be rescuing Rupert! Our king! Remember?_"

"But it's not like he's going anywhere! Just one slice?" Lenny pleaded.

"_NO! Now focus! We need to rescue him NOW!_"

Disappointed, Lenny and Carl took one last look at the pizza and stalked off down the street.

After a few seconds, they seemed to be back on track, but then they stopped when they saw something else.

"Ooh! Ooh! Look!" Lenny exclaimed again, pointing eagerly. "It's the mall!"

"Can we go to the mall, Earl? Pretty please?" Carl asked.

"_No! For crying out loud, you're supposed to be rescuing the leader of our planet! You're not shopping for shoes!_"

"But… But we just want to check out some action…," Carl whined.

"_What action could you _possibly_ want to check out at the _mall_?_"

Lenny's eyes flitted to a couple of teenage girls who were watching him. "You'd be surprised…," he murmured, tipping his straw hat to them with surprising smoothness for an alien dressed like a tourist.

"_Focus on the task at hand, you morons!_" Earl snapped. "_Get going_!"

Sighing bitterly, Lenny and Carl turned and continued walking down the street. They made it to the third block and were halfway along it before they noticed something odd in the air. They looked up and saw several clear spheres floating through the air with a slight bluish-purple tint to them.

"Bubbles!" Lenny exclaimed, clapping excitedly.

"They're coming from that building over there!" Carl squealed, pointing in the direction of another building. "It's a clock factory!"

"_You don't need any dang clocks! Get back to…_," Earl trailed off in mid-rant to realize what they were saying. "_Why's a clock shop spewing bubbles into the air?_"

"Pretty bubbles," Lenny giggled. "Maybe there're more bubbles inside!"

"_Ahhh…_," Earl noted. "_That's why – they're luring in clueless idiots like you two. Stay focused. Both of you stay focused._"

Carl was disappointed again. "Ohh… But… But _bubbles_!"

"_MOVE IT!_"

Jumping in surprise and clutching their now-aching ears in agony, Earl and Carl set off once again.

* * *

The prison building was a large and intimidating building. It was several stories high, painted an off-putting gray color, and it was lined with patrolling armed guards. It seemed to always have bad weather around there, with swirling black clouds looming overhead.

Lenny and Carl stared up at it, somewhat unnerved by the sight.

"_Are you there yet?_" Earl demanded through the earpiece.

"… I think so," Lenny replied, clasping his hands nervously.

"_Good_. _Now get to work. Visiting hours end in thirty minutes._"

Swallowing hard, the two aliens in disguise walked up the street, across the parking lot and made their way to the large building ahead of them. They smiled innocently at the guards as they made their way up the steps to the large double doors. Not sure what to do, they knocked.

After a moment, one of the doors opened, and a grumpy-looking man with a thick mustache and glasses glared at them. "Can I help you?" he asked in a gruff voice.

Lenny doffed his hat shakily to the man. "Hello, Earth citizen," he said shakily. "We're not too late for visiting hours, are we? Er, you've got a friend of ours in there, and we'd like to see him."

"Who is he?" the man grunted.

"Rupert Chill."

* * *

The man turned out to be the Warden of the Prison. He gave the order for two armed guards to collect Rupert Chill from his cell.

The cell was dark and dank, not to mention cramped.

Rupert had been deemed too dangerous to have a cellmate, so he was locked up with his own crummy bed, small table, rickety chair and a single toilet.

But Rupert hardly ever used any of these things. He lay in his bed, wearing his orange jumpsuit, carving into the wall with his fingers. He'd been trapped in his human disguise for the entire he'd been here. He could barely survive much longer. Although the disguise unit took care of him to some degree, he felt he was a mere shadow of his former self.

One of the guards come to retrieve him ran his nightstick across the bars, rattling the slumbering alien-in-disguise. "Hey, Chill!" he shouted. "Wake up! You've got visitors!"

For the longest time, Rupert didn't move. He just lay there, staring into space.

The guard rattled the bars again. "Hey, Chill! You still alive? Come on! You've got visitors!"

Rupert finally decided to speak. "_What…visitors…_?" he rasped.

"We don't know. Two weirdoes dressed like freaks. They say they're friends of yours."

After a long silent moment, Rupert Chill rolled over in his bunk and glared at the two guards.

"… Take me to them."

* * *

Lenny and Carl were sitting in a booth. It was a booth that was in a row of booths that stretched across the room. Each booth was open in the back, and had a desk and plastic window in the front, as well as a phone hanging from each wall. The two crewmates were crammed into the same booth, eagerly looking through the glass.

After a few minutes of waiting, Rupert was led into the room by two guards. They had him in handcuffs, and they could tell that he was ill just by looking at him.

But they were undeterred, and they waved at their leader pleasantly.

Rupert thudded down in his chair. He looked at them blearily. "Ohh…," he moaned. "It's you two idiots."

Lenny motioned for Rupert to pick up the phone, which he did after a moment.

"Hey, Your Royal Highness, sir!" Lenny said, saluting. "You look like you've been horked up by a cat!"

Rupert growled. "At the risk of sounding like an alien cliché, these people are human scum. This is how they treat their offenders: locking them up in cages with next to no brain stimulus or decent nutrition. Plus, I haven't had any sort of special care. I've told them of my different biological system, but these fools won't acknowledge the truth!"

"On the plus side, this is the first vacation you've had in years," Carl pointed out with a dopey grin.

Rupert glared at him. "What's the situation?" he demanded, trying to change the subject.

"Earl's sent us down here to set things up for your escape," Lenny replied casually.

Eyes widening, Rupert glanced around, not sure if the guards had heard that. "Keep it down, idiot. They might be listening."

"Well, how else can we explain the escape plan to you?" Carl asked, looking confused.

"SSHHHH! Where's Earl?"

"Up in the ship. He sent us."

"Why?!"

Lenny shrugged. "Darned if we know. But here we are."

"Anyway!" Carl said. "We're going to break you out with this little doodad that Earl gave us. It should help you out immensely."

Rupert glanced at the guard again, who were raised an eyebrow at him before he looked back. "Keep it down. What device?"

"Some little thingy that's supposed to kill the electricity in the building. It'll take down the entire building's security systems and we'll be able to break you out under the cover of darkness! Neat, huh?"

Rupert massaged his temples in frustration. "Whatever. Just do what you're going to do. Get on it."

"Okay," Carl said with a nod. "Should we go now?"

"Just one thing… What news of the Earth Potentate?"

Lenny and Carl looked at each other for a moment before shrugging. "We don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? Haven't you guys been keeping an eye on him?"

"Not really. We've been trying to think of a subtle way of breaking you out of jail. Earl's been saying that we can't just waltz in and take you back because it would go against everything we stand for and yadda-yadda-yadda," Lenny replied.

Rupert sighed heavily. "Well, go get to your little plan. I want to be out of here soon. Understood?"

"Crystal!" Lenny replied.

"Good. Get moving."

Lenny and Carl both saluted, hung up the phone and then they left the room.

Rupert hung up his own phone and walked back over to the guards, who were looking at him funny. He tried his hardest not to look too suspicious as they shoved him through the door and down the hallway back to his cell.

* * *

Lenny and Carl went through the cavity search once more before they were allowed to leave. They were just going past the front desk when Lenny turned to one of the guards. "Do you have a restroom I can use?" he asked innocently.

One of the guards nodded and pointed towards a door that said Men's Room. "Just over there. Make it quick," he said.

Lenny nodded and scurried off inside.

Once he was in there, he looked around and saw one of the sinks. Checking to make sure no one else was in the room, he quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a small round yellow device with a magnetic back, which stuck to the underside of the sink. Switching it on, he turned and left the restroom.

* * *

Earl stood before the teleport platform on board the ship, and he waited for a few moments before a light on the desk lit up, signaling that someone was trying to contact them. He keyed in a few commands, and a few second later, the machine hummed loudly, followed by a flash of light.

Lenny and Carl appeared in the room, grinning stupidly between bites of pizza.

"Where the heck have you been?" Earl demanded.

"Well, once the job was done, we figured we could stop for a bit," Lenny replied, swallowing another mouthful.

"Pizza, boss?" Carl asked, offering him the rest of his slice.

Earl scowled at him and turned to leave the room. "We'll send you back at midnight. You _did _remember to switch the device on, didn't you?"

"Sure did!" Lenny replied. "Little button the side, right?"

Earl sighed with relief. "Little button on the side. Good work. For now, anyway."

Missing the insult, Lenny and Carl beamed with pride.

* * *

The prison cells became pitch black as Lights Out started up. Time for all the prisoners to go to bed for the night, looking forward to a long day of being nameless nobody's tomorrow.

"Alright, everyone!" one of the guards shouted, rattling the bars with his nightstick. "Time for bed! Everyone get into bed and go to sleep! No trying to tunnel out, no eating stolen snacks, no reading by flashlight, and no suicides. Clear? Now go to sleep!"

Rupert grunted as the guard went past without even looking at him. He checked his watch, but it was taking a long time for his crew to come to his rescue. He rolled over in his bed, glaring at the ceiling.

At last, there was the sound of a buzzer going off, and all the lights turned off, plunging the alien king into darkness. He hated it when the lights went off. The people of Planet Zok had evolved into a race of beings that lived on extreme heat. They ate magma and drank lava. Compared to Zok, Earth was a very chilly place. Even taking global warming into consideration, the place was a floating Popsicle in space. Having the lights off just made things worse. The room suddenly felt even colder than before.

You could feel sorry for this guy if he wasn't out to destroy the planet.

He decided to get some shut-eye before his rescue. He suspected he'd need the energy.

* * *

An hour later, a flash of light appeared behind the fence outside the prison, and from out of it emerged Lenny and Carl, who both looked around eagerly. They looked up at the fence before them, giddy with anticipation.

"I can't believe this!" Lenny squealed. "We actually get to go on a stealth operation!"

"We're secret agents!" Carl agreed, bouncing up and down. "Our mission to save the King – such a responsibility!"

"Right, so this has to be handled with absolute professionalism. Let's activate the doodad."

Carl nodded and pulled a small remote control. "Okay, this should cause an electromagnetic pulse across the entire complex. The whole prison will be plunged into a cover of permanent darkness."

"Let 'er rip."

Carl pressed a button on the remote.

This sent a signal to the device that Lenny had left under the restroom sink. A series of little red lights lit up, and a few moments later, it sent a powerful pulse of energy through the building.

From outside, Lenny and Carl watched with interest as the whole thing shut down. Various search lights all blinked off, plunging the area into darkness.

"Excellent," Lenny said. "All the security cameras and electrical locks are offline. We can move freely about the premises now."

"Ten-four," Carl replied. "Let's get to it."

And in the pitch-black darkness, they both walked straight into the fence, hitting it very hard.

"OW!" they cried, rubbing their noses in pain.

They stood there for a moment, confused.

"Did we forget something?" Carl asked.

"Not sure…," Lenny said. He thought hard for a few moments before he snapped his fingers in realization. "Oh, right!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of heavy-duty goggles. "Night-vision goggles!"

Carl smacked his forehead. "Oh, right!" he laughed.

Undeterred by this momentary setback, they slipped the goggles on. Now they could see the world around them.

"Okay, agent," Lenny said, pretending he was in a spy movie. "We're going over the wall…er, the fence."

"Ten-four," Carl replied with a thumbs-up.

The two scrambled up and over the wooden fence, landing on the other side rather haphazardly. Picking themselves up off the ground, they snapped their dislocated limbs back into place and made their way towards the front doors.

They hid behind the bushes when they saw that the doors were being guarded by three men, but then another man came out, said something about some sort of power outage and told them to come back inside.

"The entrance is safe. Proceed with caution," Lenny said into his hand, pretending he had a walkie-talkie.

"Ten-four," Carl replied into his own hand.

They slipped up the steps to the doors and cautiously pushed them open. They looked around. They could see the guards taking off down the hallway, leaving the main room clear.

"Perimeter secure. Search out target, Lenny whispered.

"Ten-four," Carl replied.

Tiptoeing their way inside, the two aliens snuck around on their holographic toes towards the doorway that led to the jail cells.

"Do we know which cell Rupert is in?" Carl asked suddenly.

"No, not exactly," Lenny replied. "But it can't be that many cells to look in, right?"

He opened the door all the way, and even in the night-vision goggles, they were stunned by the sight of hundreds of prison cells that were on multiple levels above them.

Lenny and Carl exchanged nervous glances as they realized just how hard this was really going to be.

"Oh, mama…," Carl muttered.

"Come on," Lenny said. "We'll find him eventually."

They ran up the gangway to one of the cells and looked inside at a large bald guy with several tattoos.

"Are you Rupert?" Lenny asked.

"No," the prisoner replied.

They moved onto the next, where they saw a little guy with a shaved head and a nose ring.

"Are you Rupert?"

"No."

They ran to the next cell which had a muscular dude with an eye patch.

"Are you Rupert?"

"No."

They ran to the next cell, which contained an elderly old man with a long braided beard, sunglasses and loads of tattoos.

"Are you Rupert?"

The old man threw his lunch tray at them.

They moved onto the next cell. They looked inside and saw a thin gaunt man with short hair and a book about Shakespeare that he was reading with a flashlight.

"Are you Rupert?"

"Afraid not, Old Bean. Now please move along before I'm forced to rip off your noses and force them down your throats," he replied very politely.

Nodding in reply, Lenny and Carl moved on.

* * *

Several guards were congregating in the middle of the main greeting room, all of them holding flashlights.

"Has anyone tried to break out?" the Warden asked.

"Not at the moment," a guard said. "But we've got guys on every floor keeping an eye out."

"Good. Now let's see about that darn fuse box…"

One guard raised his hand. "Permission to use the can real quick, sir," he said quickly.

The Warden rolled his eyes. "Permission granted. But be quick."

The guard nodded and turned and ran for the Men's Room. He aimed his flashlight through the room, making sure the other stalls were empty too. He was just heading for one when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

There appeared to be a bunch of red lights coming from under the sink.

Curious, he aimed his flashlight over in that direction. He saw the device that Lenny had left earlier. He got down on his knees and got a closer look at it.

"What the heck…?" he murmured.

He reached for the little round yellow thingy and clutched it, and he was surprised by how easily it came away from the sink. He examined it carefully, wondering what this thing was. As he was feeling it over, he eventually found the switch on the side, which he cautiously pressed, holing it out a safe distance away from himself.

And in that instant, the room lit up.

* * *

Lenny and Carl walked tiredly towards another cell. They saw a big guy holding a baseball bat with a nail in it.

"Are you Rupert?"

"No."

They moved to the next cell, which contained a tall gawky man with green hair, tattoos and thirty different body piercings.

"Are you Rupert?"

"No."

They moved onto the next cell, which contained some guy who was sound asleep in his bunk.

"Are you Rupert?"

The figure didn't answer.

"Excuse me," Lenny said, rattling the bars on the cell. "Are you Rupert Chill?"

But the figure merely snored in response.

"How can we be sure if he's Rupert or not?" Lenny wondered.

Carl looked around for a moment, but then he remembered something, and he reached into his pocket, pulling out a slice of pizza from earlier that had long since gone cold. He threw it at the back of the man's head.

It connected, and the man snorted as he woke up. "What the heck…?" he muttered sleepily.

"Are you Rupert?"

"What do you want?" the voice demanded as its owner rolled over in bed. He stopped when he saw Lenny and Carl. "You two!"

"Rupert?" Carl asked hopefully.

"Where have you been?!"

"It took us awhile to find your cell, but don't worry! We've found you, and we're going to get you out, and then we can resume our reign of terror!" Lenny said pleasantly.

"FREEZE!"

Lenny and Carl barely had time to react before they were suddenly tackled from the right by several guards, and they went tumbling to the hard metal floor.

"Owie!" Lenny wailed.

"Hurting! Hurting!" Carl cried.

Rupert watched with great dismay as his two crewmembers were arrested. "Great," he muttered. "Now I'm never going to get out of here." He slouched off towards his bed again and prepared to be forcibly removed from his cell.

He glanced at the floor for a moment, catching sight of the cold piece of pizza Carl had thrown at him. He picked it up and tasted it.

It was rock-hard, cold and had been in Carl's pocket for too long, but he finished it anyway.

It was the first decent food he'd had to eat in months.


	3. The Oregon Coast

The sun slowly made its way up and over the horizon on the first day of summer, chasing away the various shadows that encapsulated the world. The rays of light spewed all across a certain neighborhood, lighting everything up, and finding its way into every nook and cranny.

While some people found the early morning sunrise to be breathtaking and invigorating, other people – sane people, that is – found it to be a painful reminder that the world could be a cruel place that made them squint once in a while.

The sunlight was making its way to two such beings at this very moment.

Calvin and Hobbes were both sound asleep in their bed, sprawled out and tangled in the sheets after a warm night in a house with lousy ventilation. A small puddle of drool was forming around Calvin's mouth and drenching his pillow, but he was in a state of unconsciousness that involved him dreaming about fighting evil space invaders and the like, so he couldn't be bothered to do anything about it.

Hobbes, meanwhile, was mewling softly in his sleep while sniffing the air every once in a while. His whiskers twitched involuntarily every few seconds as well.

They both could've stayed there for at least a few more hours.

However, fate had different plans in store for our heroes, and suddenly, their bedroom door was blasted open by a very frantic father.

"Calvin, wake up!" he shouted.

Calvin jolted awake, looking around sleepily yet frantically. "What? What? What's going on? Is the house on fire? Are we being robbed?"

"We're late for our fishing trip! Now come on! Get dressed!"

Calvin frowned and looked at the clock on his dresser.

"Dad, it is 6:00 in the morning."

"I know. I can't believe I slept in! We'll just have to make up for lost time…"

"Dad, I'm pretty sure the fish aren't going anywhere. Just let me sleep for a couple more hours…"

"No time! Fishing! Excitement! Let's go! Come on!"

"Dad…"

"Don't 'Dad' me, young man! Now get dressed, grab your stuff and let's vamoose!" He was just turning to leave when he saw his wife, still in her nightgown, going into the bathroom. "Dear, what are you doing?!"

"I'm going to shower and get ready," she mumbled.

"We don't have time! Come on! We have to get going!"

"I'm taking a shower…"

"Forget the shower! We've got to hustle!"

He vanished back into the hallway.

Calvin groaned to himself. "Man, even _I _don't get up this early during the summer."

Hobbes let out a great big cat yawn and rolled over. "Be sure to tell me all about it," he murmured.

Calvin glared at him. "Wake up, fuzz ball. You're coming too."

Hobbes growled at him. "Try and make me, short stuff."

"I shall."

Calvin grabbed Hobbes and proceeded to drag the half-asleep jungle cat out of bed, and as a result, they both went tumbling over the edge, taking most of the bed sheets down with them.

"Come on," Calvin whined, trying to keep back a yawn. "We need to… We need to get going. Dad's waiting for us."

"I'm sleepy…," Hobbes moaned.

"I know. I know… We can sleep in the car. Now come on…"

Calvin wandered over towards the dresser. He climbed up on the bed and pulled open the top drawer, into which he climbed inside, pulling it shut around him. Each descending drawer opened a little bit before the bottom one opened all the way, and Calvin climbed out, fully-clothed. He sat down on the floor and proceeded to put his shoes on before he noticed something was amiss.

"Darn," he muttered. "I put my shirt on backwards."

"Proof enough that it's too early in the blessed AM for this nonsense," Hobbes muttered, wrapping himself up in the spilled bed sheets again.

"Hobbes, come on. We don't have time for this. Dad's going to be back any second now blowing his bugle and telling us to march," Calvin grunted, getting his shirt turned around.

As if on cue, Dad suddenly reappeared in the doorway, glaring down at them. "Calvin, come on! We need to get going!"

"You know, Dad, the whole world is not going to stop turning just because you get to the boat half an hour late," Calvin snapped irritably.

"Don't you take that tone with me! Come on! Grab your stuff and let's get going!" Dad yelled as he darted back towards the bathroom. "Dear, hurry up! It doesn't matter how you smell! We're going fishing!"

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Come on, Hobbes. Dad is about to burst a capillary. It might be fun to watch."

"Not necessarily fun," Hobbes grumbled, getting up and going into a series of feline stretches. "More like 'immensely satisfying'."

Calvin nodded absently as he grabbed his duffel bag and proceeded out the door, with Hobbes following behind him. Both were practically dead on their feet. They wandered aimlessly down the stairs and headed out the front door.

Once outside in the relatively warm early morning atmosphere of their neighborhood, their eye line caught sight of the car, and they could already see the raving lunatic that shared Calvin's genetics struggling to pack luggage into the trunk.

At that precise moment, Mom came down, her clothes rumpled from having put them on in a hurry, and her hair a frizzy mess. She blinked through the early morning sunrise at the scene before her. The man she'd been married to for nearly ten semi-successful years was fumbling with three fishing rods and trying to tie them securely to the roof.

"Mom?" Calvin asked curiously. "Is Dad always this much of a nut when he's trying to relax?"

Mom considered her answer for a long three seconds before deciding there was no way to sugarcoat the fact that her child's father was a lunatic. "He used to collect stamps, but the neighbors complained about all the noise."

Dad finally seemed to have tied down the entirety luggage to the roof adequately enough, and he dusted his hands as he turned around to find his family staring at him. "Well!" he exclaimed. "Aren't you all excited?"

Calvin, Hobbes and Mom took in Dad's visage. He was wearing a red-and-brown plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a pair of tatty blue jeans, a pair of rubber boots and a typical fishing hat with various lures dangling precariously from it.

It was a bit less than impressive.

"Come on, gang! All aboard for the best fishing spot on the planet!" he declared, heading for the driver's seat.

Calvin sighed and grabbed Hobbes and his things as he and Mom headed for the car. "Mom, is it okay if I sleep the whole way?" he asked.

"As long as you're seated behind your father."

"Why?"

"Because I intend to tilt my seat back and sleep as well."

They both clambered into the car and got into their seats. They fastened their seatbelts and got as comfortable as they could make themselves.

"All right, gang!" Dad crowed. "Let's be off!"

He started the car up, checked his mirrors, and he slowly backed the ancient car into the road, pointing in the right direction.

"Adventure – here we come! Right?"

He got no response. He looked around and saw that his wife and child were both conked out, sound asleep, snoring softly.

Dad glared. "Fine…," he grumbled. "We'll just go fishing then. See how you like _that."_ And with just a hint of bitterness, he gently pressed his foot down on the gas pedal, and the old car rolled off towards its destination.

Watch that car vanish over the horizon. Are you watching? It's beginning to blend in with the rest of the cars on the road. Our heroes are on their way into the meat of their adventure.

* * *

So now that they're off, why don't we just slowly pull the shot backwards, eh? Why don't we just slowly pull backwards…?

As we lose the car in the crowd of traffic, let's just reverse our way towards…

What are these? There are some strange off-white interlacing lines going past us…

Oh! It's a closed window! We've just reversed all the way through a shut window without shattering it! How clever of us!

The window is in Calvin's room. He left in quite a state of confusion. You can tell from how he left his bed in complete and utter disarray. The sheets are still on the floor.

But what's this? We're heading for his desk.

We're slowing down. We seem to be focusing on one single item on the desk.

It's small, it's square and it's giving off a soft blue glow…

It's Calvin's hypercube! He's left it behind!

Oh…

Oh dear…

* * *

Calvin's eyes slowly fluttered open. He rolled around on his seat as he took in his surroundings. It took him a few moments to completely work out where he was, but eventually, the rather unpleasant memories floated to the surface of his mind. He looked around and saw Hobbes curled up on the floor, sound asleep, underneath his mother's seat, which was tilted back as she slept soundly as well.

His eyes flitted to the driver's seat, where his father was sipping from a mug of coffee that sat precariously on the dashboard. The man's face was unshaven, his eyes were bloodshot, and his teeth were gnashing together every few seconds.

Rolling his eyes at the sight, Calvin looked around for something to occupy his time. He wasn't tired anymore, although he did feel incredibly stiff from having been asleep sitting up. He looked around and spotted his suitcase on the seat next to him. He released the clasps and stared at the contents inside. He dug around through his clothes, comic books and various other knickknacks before he finally came to a rather disturbing realization.

"I forgot to pack my Hypercube!" he exclaimed.

"What's that, Calvin?" Dad asked.

"Dad, stop the car! Turn around! We left my Hypercube behind! It's got all my inventions in it!"

"Your what?"

"My Hypercube, Dad! I need it! Turn around!"

"Calvin, we're already running fifteen minutes late. I'm not turning around. Besides, we're already halfway there."

"But Dad!"

"Calvin, it's your own fault you left your Rubix Cube behind."

"_Hyper_cube!"

"Whatever. Besides, if it's that important to you, you shouldn't risk bringing it anyway. You might've lost it. You should never bring anything on a boat that you're not prepared to lose."

Calvin growled to himself. "It's not fair."

Dad just rolled his eyes and focused on the road ahead.

* * *

A few hours later, they were finally in Oregon, which was signified by the large metal sign that read "WELCOME TO OREGON – NO, WE'RE NOT CALIFORNIA, BUT WE'RE PRETTY DARN CLOSE."

It took a few more hours after that to reach the rental place. When they finally did make it, they all struggled to get out of the car.

"You couldn't have stopped _once _to let us all get up and stretch?" Mom moaned as she straightened her spine for the first time in several hours.

"I wanted to get here on time. You have to admit, we made impressive time."

"Yeah, seven hours crammed in the car with nothing but EZ Listening Muzak to listen to," Calvin complained. "Now where's this boat?"

"We've reserved one with this place. Come on."

As they all walked towards the building, they took in the surrounding area. They were impressed by all the various boats surrounding them.

Calvin's eyes were drawn to one boat in particular. It was a massive cruise ship that towered high above them. It was a pearly white color with a thousand and one windows gleaming in the sunlight. It was moored by the dockside, and it had a long gangway leading up to it.

"Wow…," Calvin breathed. "Pretty posh or what?"

"Nice," Hobbes said approvingly. "I'll bet we could pick up women in _that_."

Calvin rolled his eyes at him and proceeded to follow his parents into the building.

The rental building was a small building that smelled like chlorine despite not having a swimming pool on the premises. Up ahead was a small counter with a sleepy-looking old man behind it who was thumbing absently through a magazine.

Dad walked up to the teller and rapped his knuckles against the counter. "Excuse me," he said. "We rented a boat over the phone last week."

"Did you indeed?" the teller remarked. "Hang on a minute…"

"Our names are – "

"I know your names."

"How do you know our names?" Mom asked, confused.

"You're the only ones to rent a boat from us in weeks. Nobody wants to go fishing on that island."

"Gee, I wonder why…," Mom muttered, glaring at her husband.

Calvin's ears picked up on the conversation. "Wait, _island?"_ he asked urgently. "What island? I thought we were going fishing!"

"We are! We're renting the island for a week!"

Calvin's jaw dropped open. "But… But that's what we do _every_ year! You mean to tell me you dragged us halfway across the country to do the exact same darn thing we do _every_ year?!"

"It is _not _exactly the same, Calvin," Dad said sternly.

"Then how's it different?"

"We're going to be on the _ocean_ instead of a _lake_."

Calvin blinked. "Oh… So we're going to be twice more stranded than we usually are."

"That's our week in a nutshell," Mom said with a nod.

"Now that's enough," Dad snapped, turning to the teller. "May we have our boat now please?"

"It's around back, tied to the dock. The oars are already in it."

"Aren't you worried somebody would steal it?"

"Who would want it?"

"Oars?" Calvin snapped. "We're going in a canoe? On the ocean?"

"You've got to admit, dear," Mom whispered. "It would've been cheaper and more fuel efficient to just go to the island back home."

Dad glared at them before handing the teller his credit card. The teller swiped it through the machine, typed a few things into his computer and handed it back.

"Alright," he said, "she's all yours."

"Thank you. Come on, gang."

Everyone shuffled off morosely behind him. They left the shack and went around behind it down some steps towards the dock, and they found the most morose-looking canoe any of them had ever seen, tied pathetically to the dockside.

"There it is! Come on! Let's load up and get paddling!" Dad declared as he ran back up the steps to start unpacking the car.

Calvin and Mom stared at the canoe as it bobbed up and down in the water.

"You know, Calvin," she said at last, "your father loves you very much, and he just wants to give you what he always wanted as a child."

"Even if what I want isn't what he wanted?"

"… Yes."

"Isn't that wrong?"

"… It's a grey area."

Calvin sighed and looked around, wrapping an arm around Hobbes for comfort. His eyes flitted back towards the dockside where the cruise ship was moored.

"Why can't we go on _that_ ship, Mom?" he asked, pointing at it. "Wouldn't we have an even better time on a boat like that?"

"Probably," Mom agreed, staring at the ship.

"Then why don't we?"

"Because that's not what vacations are about."

"It's not?"

"No."

"Then what are they about?"

"They're about spending time with loved ones and creating new memories together."

"… I thought that's what holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas were for."

"They are. It's just that… Well… I don't know. You're father loves us and he's insane. That's the best I can put it."

Calvin sighed heavily.

Dad finally returned carrying a few duffel bags and three fishing rods, stumbling as he went. "Okay, let's start loading up!" he said, not at all deterred by the fact that he could barely get along with the load in his arms.

* * *

The canoe ride ended up being an hour long as they paddled half a mile out into the ocean, and during that hour, they began to realize why nobody ever wanted to rent this canoe – because it sucks to paddle a canoe on the ocean. At least on the lake, the water was relatively still and calm. The ocean had currents and tides, and they were going up and down much more constantly. On numerous occasions, Hobbes nearly leaned over the edge to be seasick, but he always wound up back inside because they were moving so erratically, he'd have probably fallen overboard.

The family finally managed to paddle all the way to the island, and one thing in particular about it stood out immediately to Calvin and Hobbes – it was exactly the same as the one back home.

"You're kidding me," Calvin complained as they ran ashore. _"This_ dump is exactly the same as the _old_ dump!"

"What are you, blind?" Dad demanded, looking around eagerly. "It's beautiful! Look at all the trees!"

"There'd better be more to this trip than _trees_, Dad. It's exactly the same as the last place!"

"Oh, it is not."

"It is! Look! There's the spot for the campfire, there's the trail into the woods… And that's all there is! Three things this place has in common with the other island."

"You're just determined to ruin this for me, aren't you?" Dad grumbled.

"Yes, I am."

Mom sighed as she brought some duffel bags out of the canoe. "Come on," she sighed. "We might as well get started setting up camp for a week."

"Good idea. Let's get started," Dad agreed.

"Good," Calvin sighed. "Then we can defend ourselves from the Oregon Mosquitoes."

Over the course of the next half hour, Calvin's parents unloaded the canoe and proceeded to set up camp. Dad fumbled with set up the tents, putting them up to the best of his ability, which to be honest wasn't very much. But after inadvertently teaching Calvin seven new words to add to his vocabulary, he finally had the first tent up, into which Calvin and Hobbes promptly dived, taking their possessions and doing up the zipper behind them.

"Finally," Calvin groaned. "We've only been here thirty minutes, and I've already got two bug bites."

"Two bugs every half hour," Hobbes remarked, going through the two bags they'd brought with them. "At the rate those little nippers are going, you'll be covered in red spots by tonight."

Calvin grumbled as he unrolled his sleeping bag and got out their pillows. As he was setting everything up, he noticed that Hobbes was reading something. "What's that?"

"It's a brochure from the rental place," he explained, holding it up for him to see. "It's for that cruise ship."

"Really? What's in it?"

"Says here that they have shuffleboard, a tennis court, dancing, a movie theater, a bowling alley, an endless buffet…"

"Those rich people are off flaunting their big bucks with that giant ship, while we're stuck here in a tent with Conan the Barbarian. He should've let me get my Hypercube."

"Oh, relax. So we can't transmogrify anything or duplicate anything or freeze time… In fact, why would we _want _to freeze time at a time like this? If anything, I think we should have a device that can _accelerate _time."

Calvin thought about that. "Actually, that's not a bad idea…," he murmured.

Hobbes sighed. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

"What else does that brochure say?"

Hobbes skimmed the small text on the laminated brochure. "…Not much else. It's mostly just pictures of people grinning like idiots."

Calvin looked over his shoulder. "Yeah… Look at them. Grinning while they eat… Grinning while they play tennis… Grinning while they play shuffleboard… Who on Earth actually _grins _when they play _shuffleboard_?"

"Smug people being photographed, apparently," Hobbes said, scratching his head in confusion.

At that moment, their zipper was making a noise that signaled it was being undone, and they both looked up to see Dad on his hands and knees, grinning much like the people in the brochure as he stuck his head inside. "Hey, Calvin! Wanna go for a hike and scope out the place? I'll bet we'll find some great-looking plants to examine!"

Calvin exchanged a quick glance with Hobbes, who didn't look all that thrilled by the prospect. "Er, no thanks, Dad. We'll just hang out in here where we're relatively safe from the onslaught of nature."

"Oh, come on! It'll be fun! Just you and me against nature! You could learn a lot from a nature hike!"

"I've already learned a lot from nature. For a start, don't tick nature off. And I've found that the best way to avoid ticking nature off is to stay away from it."

"Calvin…"

"Dad, I'm not going, and that's that."

"Fine… Stay here in your tent. I'll be off enjoying the serenity of nature." And on that note, he yanked the zipper shut on the tent, and they listened to his agitated footsteps disappearing off into the distance.

"He'll be back in an hour rubbing ointment all over himself," Calvin sighed, sitting down and pulling out a comic book.

"Two bugs every half hour? Yeah, probably," Hobbes agreed, skimming through the brochure again. "It says here the cruise ship is heading for Europe in a few days. They're probably loading her up for a full-blown voyage right now."

"Great," Calvin sighed. "While we're stuck here on some rock in the middle of the lake… No, sorry, scratch that. We're stuck here on some rock in the middle of the _ocean_. Completely different and completely dangerous. Wonderful. Thanks, Dad."

And fully annoyed now, they both lay back on their sleeping bags and dreamed of a cruise ship.


	4. Prison Break

A bright light was shining straight into Lenny and Carl's eyes. The two disguised aliens barely squinted. They were used to intense light thanks to living on Zok, which had one of the biggest suns in the universe.

The people shining the light in their eyes at the moment, however, didn't know that. They had no way of knowing that they were trying to interrogate a couple of aliens that were in hard-light holographic disguises. They just assumed that they were interrogating two ordinary humans who had just happened to break into one of the most maximum-security prisons in the state. So naturally, they were a bit peeved to find that their methods were not, in fact, making them talk.

"Alright, talk!" the chief interrogator ordered sharply. "We've been at this for five hours. I want you to talk!"

"About what?" Lenny asked, looking like the picture of innocence.

"About why you broke into the prison!"

"Oh, that! We walked through the door."

"The door was locked."

"Which made it very difficult to open," Carl replied with a nod.

"How'd you get in, then?" another guard asked.

"Oh, we used a doohickey Earl gave us," Lenny said.

"Who's Earl?"

"Our captain! He tells us what to do!" Carl explained.

"You have a captain?" the chief interrogator asked, looking very confused.

"Oh, sure! Don't you?"

"Yes, actually."

"Cool! What's _your_ captain like?"

"… Why don't you tell us about this 'Earl' first?"

Lenny shrugged. "Okay! He's really funny and he yells a lot in a weird voice."

"Does he now?"

"Oh, yeah!" Carl agreed. "And he's bossy sometimes, but we know he loves us deep down."

"Hmmm… What does he look like?"

"Oh, he's big, grey, big teeth, red eyes…"

"Anything else? Hair color?"

"He doesn't have any hair," Lenny said.

"He's bald?"

"Sure!"

"… Okay. Does he only ever boss you two around?"

"Oh no, there's a whole bunch of us!" Carl said. "We're a team!"

"Really…," the chief interrogator murmured, glancing at the guard, who got out a notepad and pencil. "And what are the names of the rest of your little group?"

"Oh, well, first there's Dave. He's our intelligence officer. He's the only one who gets to touch the really expensive stuff," Lenny began.

"And then there's Zack, the Chief General. It's his duty to stay out of the way," Carl added.

"Then there's Bill. No one actually knows what he does, so we just say he works at the Reference Desk."

"Tim comes up with creative ideas. Earl never uses them, though."

"Danny's in charge of communications. He's a real good conversationalist."

"Erne's our Chief Experimenter. He's constantly getting injured."

"Alex is our Additional Reference. I'm not sure what that means, but Earl says he's there in case someone else gets killed."

"Lace is the First Mate. He's there to do whatever Earl tells him to."

"Biff is our Planetary Expert. He watches a lot of TV."

"Alfred is our Inventory Specialist. He lets us know when we're out of potato chips."

The chief interrogator held up his hand to silence them. "Where exactly are the rest of these people?" he asked warily.

"Oh, they're back in the ship!" Lenny replied.

"… Ship?"

"Yep! The ship!"

"What ship?"

"Our space ship! It's parked in the upper-atmosphere!"

"… You have a space ship?" the chief interrogator asked, massaging his temples.

"Yeah! It's a little beauty!" Carl said with a nod. "I'm Lead Negotiator, in case you were curious."

"We weren't."

"Hey!" Lenny said suddenly. "Maybe you should negotiate now. We _are_ in a position to bargain, right?"

"No," the guard replied.

"You're right!" Carl exclaimed, ignoring the guard. "Time to do a bit of work." He leaned over the table and looked the chief interrogator right in the eye. "Okay, big man, here are our terms – we want one medium pizza, half-cheese, half-sausage, and we want complimentary crazy bread and a liter of soda. What do you say to that?"

"No," the chief interrogator grumbled.

"Now what?" Lenny whispered.

"Okay, now we start working our way down," Carl replied, rolling his sleeves up. "Okay, how about a small pizza, just cheese, and two cans of soda?"

"No."

Carl looked frustrated. "You drive a hard bargain, sir. Okay – we'll have a mini-pizza with a single can of soda, and that's as far down as I'll go!"

"You're not getting anything!" the interrogator shouted, banging his fist down on the table.

Lenny and Carl jumped back in their chairs. "Circumstances can change very quickly these days," Carl mumbled.

"Now why did you break into the prison?" the interrogator yelled. "What were you doing here?!"

"We were trying to free our King!" Lenny wailed fearfully.

"Your king?"

"Rupert Chill! He's the leader of our people! He's enslaved multiple planets in the universe, and now he wants to take over the Earth, but he has to destroy the Supreme Earth Potentate Calvin first! I just wanted a pizza and a soda!" Carl cried, shielding himself from the interrogator's gaze.

The interrogator and the guard stared at the two blubbering "people" for a few seconds before they looked at each other.

"Well, I'm no expert," the interrogator said at last, "but I think we're going to need a padded cell, two straight-jackets and possibly a couple of rulers to go between their teeth."

* * *

"Fools!" Earl screeched, punching a hole in the side of a computer from pure frustration. "How can you idiots be such idiots?! Out of all the idiots there are in the universe, how can you all possibly be so idiotic that you make those idiots not look like idiots?!"

The rest of the crew cowered in the furthest part of the room. They knew what to do in times like this, and that was to cower where Earl couldn't throw any of them out of an airlock. By banding together, they were able to make themselves look less conspicuous, and thus Earl was more likely to grab an inanimate object to eject into space.

So far, their instincts were proving correct. Earl had thrown six computer terminals out of the airlock.

"Nine months of this, and we still can't get anything right! What is wrong with you bunch of sad sacks of slime?!"

"Well, my back is hurting a little…," Alfred said, timidly raising his tentacle.

"SHUT UP!"

Frustrated, Earl threw a chair in their direction.

In one swift movement, all the aliens reached up and managed to catch it together as a unit, and they put it down gently on the floor.

Earl took a moment to stare at this. "You guys can work together to catch a chair, but you can't get our leader out of a low-security prison?"

"Chairs don't yell at us," Erne whimpered.

Earl heaved an angry sigh. "Okay…," he sighed. "We've let this drag out too long. Enough subtlety. Time to bring in the big guns."

"How do we do that?" Bill asked.

"Well, isn't it obvious? With really _big guns_!"

The aliens stared. "We have really big guns? Where?"

"You think I'm going to tell you idiots? You'll just blow us all up. I'm going to go down to the munitions cabinet to grab a couple, and then I'm going down to Earth."

"Ooh! Can we come?" Biff asked excitedly.

"No. You're all in charge of making sure the ship is ready when we get back."

And with that, Earl slithered out the main exit.

The aliens all stared at each other quizzically.

"… When did we get a munitions cabinet?" Bill asked.

* * *

The night watchman outside the prison had been given strict instructions to keep an eye out for anyone suspicious. While there were guards lining the rest of the building, he was in charge of watching the front door. He had a large rifle in his hands, and he was keeping as sharp an eye out as he could for any suspicious movement.

Not that there was any. The depressing thing about being a guard outside a prison was that not a lot of bad people hung out around them. Pimps, hookers, drug dealers and the like tended to give the place a pretty wide berth.

Sure, to you, that may be considered a blessing, but this particular guard was getting a bit restless. He flexed his fingers around the trigger of the rifle and wished he had a cigarette, but he wasn't allowed to smoke on duty. He chewed his lip instead.

He was just musing about whether or not he should radio to his chief about taking a break when he thought he saw someone's silhouetted form against a street light. He stood a little straighter and tucked his nicotine cravings into the back of his brain so he could focus on whoever that was coming in his direction.

As the figure came closer, he saw that it was a man of average build, relatively short, balding with stubble, wearing a hoodie, jeans and a pair of dirty old sneakers. He caught the night watchman's eye and started walking towards him.

Realizing the man was coming a little too close to the premises for his liking, the night watchman held up his rifle in a hopefully non-threatening manner and held up a hand to stop the man from coming any nearer.

"Stop," he said authoritatively in a voice that he'd practiced at home with his wife. "This is a restricted area. You need to leave."

"Oh, is it?" the man asked, looking embarrassed. "Sorry, I'm a bit lost. I'm not sure where I am."

The night watchman frowned. "How'd you get past the front gate?"

"Front gate?"

"Yeah, the front gate – the gate at the entrance of the prison back in the direction that you just came from."

The man thought for a moment, apparently searching his memory. Then he snapped his fingers. "Oh, _that_ front gate!" he exclaimed triumphantly. "The one with the long thin arm thing that goes up and down?"

"Yes, of course!" the night watchman snapped irritably. "How'd you get past it? You couldn't have just walked around it. There's a chain-link fence going around the place!"

"Yes, I know. I had to go through the gate. What a memory, huh?"

"Yeah… So come on. How'd you get past?"

"Well, it was a most interesting conversation…," the man remarked, putting his hands in his pockets. "All I had to do was show him something, and he let me through without a second thought…"

"What did you show him?"

"This."

And the man pulled out a small cube.

The night watchman had to squint to make sure he was seeing it correctly in the poor lighting of the streetlight. "What is that?" he asked.

"It's my gun."

"… That's a gun?"

"Why, yes. It is. Don't you like it?"

And then the man's eyes seemed to take on a sinister glow that hadn't been there before as he pressed on the side of the cube.

With a series of metallic clicks and grinding noises, the cube seemed to suddenly morph and reshape itself, slowly growing larger and less-cube-like. In fact, it seemed to be rather quickly turning into a rather large weapon that glinted in the dim light.

The night watchman felt his stomach do a few backflips as he backed away from the sinister grin on the man's face.

"Now then," the man said quietly. "Are you going to let met through without any trouble? I don't want to have to kill you… Well, actually, no, that's not strictly true. I'd _love _to kill you, but at the moment, I have other things to do. Killing you now would be an inconvenience. So at the moment, would you mind if I just let you live for a while, and then kill you once the planet is under my world's leadership?"

The night watchman felt his knees were about to suddenly shatter into pieces, so he lowered himself onto the stairs, giving a numb nod.

"Much obliged," the man replied.

And with that, he pushed a button on the huge gun, and it slowly retracted back into its previous cubic form from mere seconds ago as he walked up the steps past him towards the door. He pushed his way through them, vanishing inside the building.

The night watchman just sat there, terrified. Suddenly, he didn't want a cigarette anymore.

* * *

Feeling pleased with himself, Earl tucked the cube back into his pocket and entered the main room of the prison. He took in the dark room that was only lit with some ordinary lights. He scanned the area for the way to the cells. He saw a door at the end of the hall that looked ideal – mainly because a bunch of guards were congregating there. Shrugging to himself, he proceeded to walk in that direction.

The guards were all discussing something he couldn't hear, but it became academic as he walked over towards them, because they all stopped to look up at him. They all suddenly took combative stances and drew their pistols.

"Who are you?" one of them shouted. "How did you get in here?"

Earl slowed to a halt and slowly brought his hands up. "Don't shoot," he said calmly. "I have no intention of harming you."

"Answer my question – how'd you get in here?" the guard repeated.

"Oh, just a bit of sheer intimidation. Nothing special."

"… What?"

Earl ignored the question. "Now, here's the troublesome part. That line of intimidation really works better on one person at a time. Instead, I find myself confronted with…six people at once? Never mind. I'll just have to be a bit more direct."

And in one swift motion, one of his raised hands reached behind his head and drew a small device that suddenly unleashed an electrical charge that zapped all six guards simultaneously. They all let out pained screams before they all dropped to the floor, unconscious.

Earl pocketed the little gadget with a smirk. He looked at all the doors around him before spying one that read "Do Not Enter – Cells 101 thru 552." He opened the door and found himself running up some stairs, and before he knew it, he was staring at rows upon rows of prison cells.

* * *

Rupert was sound asleep in his bunk when it happened. He was nice and uncomfortable when he was awoken from his dreamless by a familiar voice at his cell door. He stirred under his itchy blanket and rolled over, staring blearily through his sleepy eyes at a figure looking at him through the bars.

"Your Highness," the figure said.

It took Rupert a few moments to properly register the voice's owner. When it did, he realized what it meant, suddenly, he was wide awake and on his feet.

"Earl…?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, Your Highness, it's me. I've come to rescue you."

For the longest moment, they just stared at each other.

Rupert let out a low growl. "Nine months…," he hissed. "It took you _nine months_ to get this far? Do you have any idea what they've put me through?"

"Your Highness, you don't understand…," Earl sighed.

"You're right! I don't understand! We're supposed to be better than this species! We actually let these pathetic humans hold me, the leader of the most powerful planet in the universe, held captive in this tin can for nine of their months!"

"Your Highness, we need to hurry. If you want to see the sky of our home world again, we need to get out of here now!"

Rupert growled again. "Fine. But when we get back to the ship, I am going to be _so _angry with you!"

"Deal. Now let me do this."

Earl reached into his pocket and pulled out a strange-looking device.

"What's that?" Rupert asked.

"It's something I ordered from the Alien Shopping Network. It will open any lock on any planet."

Rupert stared at him as he used it to open the cell door. "You watch the Alien Shopping Network?"

"It's been a long nine months. Now come on. We'll grab Lenny and Carl and get back to the ship. Where are they?"

* * *

The door to the padded cell swung open, and light poured into it for the first time in hours. Rupert and Earl stared at the two occupants inside, bound by strait jackets and with rulers between their teeth.

Lenny and Carl jolted awake at the noise, and they beamed through their rulers in excitement. They tried to greet their king and captain, but all they managed were a bunch of muffled sounds.

"You idiots," Earl muttered, going over to them and helping them stand. "I suppose I shouldn't have expected better."

"Darn straight," Rupert grunted. "Now grab those idiots and let's get out of here."

* * *

Alarms blared and search lights combed the area.

Rupert and Earl sprinted out of the prison and ran up the sidewalk as fast as they could, with Lenny and Carl, still bound, running behind them.

Dogs were barking and people were shouting, but they managed to stay focused on running towards their intended target.

They sprinted past the front gate. The guards inside watched in terror as Earl waved a fairly-cheerful "hello" to them as he went by.

Finally, the four aliens made it a safe distance away from prying eyes. They came to a halt on the gravel road and looked around to make sure before Earl pressed a stud on his watch.

There was a sudden flash, and the four of them vanished from the spot.

* * *

There was a sudden flash, and the four of them reappeared in the teleport room on their spaceship.

"Now get me out of this body!" Rupert shouted at Earl.

"Calm down, Your Highness. We've figured out what the problem was with your disguise unit," Earl said calmly, taking a hold of his king's holographic wrist. "We managed to find out what that rat did to it in the first place."

"What's that?"

Earl took out a sonic screwdriver and zapped the wristwatch with it. The top of it opened up, revealing the complex circuitry inside.

They all stared inside of it.

There was a hair pin lodged into the middle of the wiring.

Rupert stared at it incredulously.

Even Lenny and Carl both seemed bemused by the simplicity of it.

Gently, Earl removed the hair pin and tossed it aside before snapping the watch shut again, and in an instant, Rupert's human disguise melted away, revealing his gelatinous alien form. His tentacles spilled out onto the floor for the first time in months. He went into a series of stretches to the human eye would've been horrific to witness, stretching himself all over the room.

"Ohhh, what a _relief_!" Rupert shouted to the ceiling, his compound eyes somehow conveying his ecstasy.

Content that that was over, Earl deactivated his own disguise and returned to normal. Then he took Lenny and Carl aside and removed their strait-jackets, allowing him to get to their disguise units as well and return them to normal.

"Phew!" Lenny said, stretching his arm tentacles. "Much better."

"Yeah!" Carl agreed. "What a stretch that was!"

Suddenly, they were both grasped around their necks by Rupert's tentacles. He was glaring murderously at them.

"You think _that _was a stretch?" he bellowed. "You were only in there for a few hours! _I was in there for nine months_!"

Lenny and Carl shivered in fear, trying to get air into whatever they had that were similar to lungs.

"Your Highness," Earl said calmly, "let's slow down there…" But he was cut off when another tentacle suddenly coiled around his own neck and he found his own ability to breath temporarily suspended.

"You left me there for nine months, Earl! You were in and out of that prison in under an hour! Why did you entrust such an important task to these idiots?! Why didn't you just barge in and rescue me nine months ago?!"

Earl managed to get his voice working again. "Because," he gasped, "if I had rescued you nine months ago, you would've strangled me for not being 'subtle' about rescuing you. This was a last resort!"

Rupert glared at him for a few seconds longer.

Finally, after a few tense moments, he let Earl drop to the floor, followed by Lenny and Carl.

Carl massaged the area where his neck probably was. "For the record, I was talking about my stretching just now. Not how long we were trapped," he said in a raspy voice.

Rupert growled at him.

Lenny saluted nervously. "May I ask a question, sir?" he asked nervously.

"What?" Earl demanded.

"What exactly do we do now?"

Rupert and Earl just stared at him, compelling Lenny to continue.

"Well, I mean, we finally got the king out of the prison. What do we do next?"

Earl considered this. "What a surprisingly intelligent question. Your Highness – what _is_ our next course of action?"

Rupert considered. "What state is Zok in?" he asked at last.

"Not very well, sir," Earl replied. "In your absence, the planet has been slowly deteriorating. Our hold on some of the planets we've taken over is weakening. Resistance is building on some of the worlds we've enslaved."

"I see… And what of the Earth Potentate? Has he been destroyed yet?"

Earl blinked. "Well, no, sir, we've actually been spending the entire nine months focused on rescuing _you_."

Rupert stared at him for a long moment. "You mean to tell me after what that little creep did to me, you just let him go free?!" he demanded.

"Well, we didn't think it would take _nine months_ to rescue you. I guess it just sort of snowballed…"

Rupert let out a groan of despair. "I'm surrounded by incompetence!" he yelled.

For a long moment, he just leaned against a wall, staring off into space.

Earl watched him cautiously. Lenny and Carl looked at each other with concern.

Then a small smirk started to spread across Rupert's face. He began to chuckle throatily as his right eye twitched involuntarily.

Earl tried to look him directly in the eye by tilting this head to the side. "Your Highness?" he asked carefully.

"No, no, Earl," Rupert chuckled. "Don't worry about me. I know what I'm doing."

"Er… What _are _you doing?" Lenny asked.

"Planning… The Earth Potentate has upped his game, it would seem. Well then, _two _can play at that game… Where is he now?"

"We don't know at this present time," Earl replied.

"Then get on that. He thinks he can outwit me? Fine. Let him think that. I'll teach him a very valuable lesson, and then I'm going to get revenge on this miserable planet in the sweetest sense…"

"But what of affairs on our home planet?" Earl asked.

"We'll get to that. Put it on the list 'to do' list. First, I want one thing and one thing only – _vengeance_…"


	5. The Cruise Ship

Dr. Brainstorm was feeling very frustrated right now. His hair still hadn't grown back completely after that disastrous haircut, so he was wearing a baseball cap until it was back to normal.

The other thing that was frustrating him right now was Jack. His robotic assistant was being a pain in the backside again as opposed to helping him move a very heavy laser into the rocket.

"Come on, Jack!" he shouted. "We need to destroy that brat good and proper, and this is the way to do it!"

"By pointing a giant laser beam at his house and threatening to saw it in half if he doesn't come out and get killed?" Jack asked, summarizing the situation rather tidily.

"Well, of course it sounds stupid if you say it with _that _attitude!"

Jack rolled his eyes and continued reading his magazine.

Dr. Brainstorm pushed as hard as he could, struggling and working up a sweat you could've gone paddling in. His shoes slipped a bit on the ramp, and the laser suddenly slid down towards him, almost knocking him over, but he managed to steady it in time.

"Come on, Jack! Help me out!"

"I can't, Frank."

"Why not?!"

"I'm reading an article about some random celebrity's favorite color."

Dr. Brainstorm growled. "Who cares about some random celebrity's favorite color?"

"Enough people to give it its own article in a magazine."

"I don't care about celebrities or their favorite colors! Now help me out here!"

"I don't care about celebrities or their favorite colors, either, and I'm still not helping you until I've finished reading about it."

Dr. Brainstorm groaned as he slid on some of his own sweat again, and he nearly fell down, but he balanced himself against the laser when the friction between his shoe and the dry section of the ramp kept him from falling.

"How long's the article?" he shouted pitifully.

"Two more paragraphs."

"Can't you just speed read it?"

"I like to digest every word, Frank. It's important to absorb every bit of knowledge you can in this day and age. Now hush. I'm reading."

Dr. Brainstorm hissed as he struggled to place his foot on the dry spots on the ramp. The laser was making a very loud screeching noise every time it moved against the metallic ramp, which would've been very annoying, had it not been for the fact that he was only moving it about a centimeter every fifteen to twenty seconds. His shoes were getting rundown from all the pressure being put on them, not to mention his cap was getting drenched.

Jack thumbed idly through the article.

After ten long seconds, he finally closed the magazine and stood up. "There. Done. Was that so bad?" he asked.

"Stop being a jerk and help me!" Dr. Brainstorm snapped.

"Fine, fine," Jack sighed. "I'm only delaying the inevitable, I suppose…"

"What's inevitable?"

Jack walked up the ramp and got a grip on the laser. "The fact that something is going to go wrong and you're not going to get that 'revenge thing' you're always harping on about."

And with next to no effort, Jack pushed the laser up the ramp and into the rocket in less than five seconds, with the sudden movement causing Dr. Brainstorm to land on the ramp.

Grumbling to himself, he got up and wiped his brow. "Nonsense! I will have my 'revenge thing', and it is because I shall have the element of surprise on my side this time!"

"What surprise?"

"I only attacked him a few days ago! What are the odds that I'm going to suddenly appear again in that amount of time?"

"Pretty high, I'd reckon…"

"Oh, shut up. Get in."

"Okeydokey."

They both entered the rocket, shut the door behind them, and they thudded down in the cockpit.

Dr. Brainstorm was just starting to work on ignition sequence when something occurred to him.

"Oh, by the way: _**DR. BRAINSTORM!**_" he suddenly shouted.

"What was that for?" Jack asked.

"That was for before when you called me 'Frank', and I was too busy."

"Ah."

* * *

Andy was used to strange sights in his neighborhood. After all, he lived with a genius hamster that could not only talk but could also build a secret lab under the house and create rather odd inventions. He also found himself constantly getting involved in the hijinks of certain neighbors of his. Typically, these hijinks were of the world-saving variety, and he often had to drop what he was doing and join in on the most recent escapades.

Today seemed like a perfectly ordinary day, as he was just sitting at home in his living room, playing his latest videogame. He was just about to make it to the end of the current level, which included slugs, salt shakers, cat food and a dwarf princess, when he noticed a slightly rumbling noise that was making his house shake. Anyone else in his neighborhood would have dismissed this as being an earthquake. However, Andy was one of the few who knew better. His adventures with Calvin and Hobbes had taught him to look beyond the first obvious thought that came into his head, and he was willing to explore various other alternatives instead.

Instead of dismissing the rumbling as just an earthquake, Andy turned his head to the left so he could look outside his window, and he saw something happening down the road from his house. He paused the game and went to take a proper look.

There was a rocket landing in Calvin's front yard.

"Ohh, what a surprise," he mumbled to himself.

* * *

"Okay," Dr. Brainstorm said, skidding down the ramp. "Maybe frightening him outside won't work. We'll have to try something else instead."

"What's that?" Jack asked, knowing it was going to be stupid already.

"I'll bust in and secure the place. You get the laser ready. I'll chase him out through the front door, and you zap him with it! Clear?"

"Crystal."

"Good! I'm going in!"

"Godspeed," Jack replied, saluting.

Dr. Brainstorm ran up to the door and tried turning the handle. "It's locked!" he shouted.

"No kidding?"

"Why's it locked?!"

Jack looked around for a moment the yard for a moment and noticed something. "Well, the car is gone. Maybe they're not home."

"Nonsense! He knew I was coming, and he has prepared! No matter! I shall break my way in!" And he slammed himself into the door, forcing his way into the house. "Calvin! Where are you? Come out and bring your plans to overthrow me with you!"

Jack sighed and shook his head. He leaned against the side of the ramp and waited.

After a few moments, he heard footsteps coming from behind him, and he turned to look. He saw Andy walking up the sidewalk towards him.

"Hey, Jack," the boy said.

"Hey, Andy."

"Where's Frank?"

"Inside."

"Oh."

They stood in silence for a while, listening to the sound of Dr. Brainstorm yelling and bumping into things inside.

"Is he looking for Calvin?"

"Yeah, but I'm getting the impression he's not in."

"No, he's not. I got a message from him the other night. His dad dragged his family off to the Oregon Coast to do a little fishing."

Jack blinked. "To do a _little _fishing?" he repeated.

"Yup."

"He drove all that distance to do a _little _fishing?"

"A-yup."

"… The man's a fanatic."

"Yeah, Calvin's a little concerned about his gene pool."

Suddenly, Dr. Brainstorm burst into the open and pointed dramatically at Andy. "YOU!"

"Moi?" Andy replied.

"Yes, you! Friend of Calvin's! Where is he hiding?"

"He's not hiding."

"Then why can't I find him?"

"Because he's not inside."

Dr. Brainstorm faltered. "Oh… Then where is he?"

"The Oregon Coast with his family. They went fishing."

"… Fishing?"

"Fishing, Frank," Jack said with a nod.

"On the Oregon Coast?"

"His dad's a nature nut."

"Hmmm… Well, then…"

There was a long pause as the mad scientist tried to work out what to do next. It took a few seconds, but at last, a triumphant grin split across his face.

"Then we'll just have to chase after him, won't we? We'll catch him in the middle of the ocean and _destroy him_!"

And he threw his head back and laughed his evil laugh.

Andy and Jack just stared at him as he did this for seven seconds.

Finally, Dr. Brainstorm stopped laughing, caught his breath and started running back into the rocket. "Come, Jack! We must plan!"

"Yeah, sure," Jack sighed. "See you later, Andy."

"Bye. Have a good trip."

"HURRY, JACK!" Dr. Brainstorm shouted from within the rocket.

"Running all the way," Jack sighed as he walked up the already retreating ramp.

Andy took a good few steps back as the rocket began to take off again, roaring loudly and blowing his hair back. He watched as it slowly rose up into the air and jetted away into the distance, where it instantaneously became a speck on the horizon.

"Oh well," he said with a shrug. "I'm sure Calvin can handle it."

Snapping his fingers around his ears to make sure his hearing wasn't permanently damaged he walked away towards his house.

The only problem was that, while not permanently damaged, his hearing was a bit off thanks to that rocket taking off, meaning he couldn't hear everything around him at the moment.

This was rather unfortunate, because otherwise, he would've heard the sound of the MTM trying to alert his attention from the upstairs window of Calvin's house with his siren.

* * *

Meanwhile, on a certain rock in the middle of an ocean, Calvin and Hobbes were not in a favorable position. They had been on this island for two full days now, and between Dad's sorry attempts at making the trip fun and the even sadder attempts at fishing, they were still not enjoying themselves. For a start, this particular island was somehow stuck in a perpetual state of crummy weather. While it hadn't rained, they were still stuck with a sky that was in a perpetual state of overcast, which left Calvin, Hobbes and Mom with little desire to leave the tents.

Dad, on the other hand, was his usual aggressively-in-love-with-nature self. He was so determined to have fun that he was actually paddling the canoe out in bad weather by himself with only a fishing rod, tackle box and a bucket of bait. He almost forgot his lifejacket on a few occasions. He hadn't caught a single fish, and he was grateful for the experience anyway. He was so happy to be going through all this that his wife was considering phoning a psychiatrist when they got home.

One morning, Dad crawled out of his tent and breathed in the fresh salty air. He grinned with satisfaction and scratched himself freely under his arms. He wandered over to the red cooler that was sitting on the shore near the campfire. He opened it up and looked inside. The grin on his face remained in place while the rest of his face began to sag. Aside from the ice cubes still inside, the cooler was totally empty. He dug through the freezing ice in hopes of finding some breakfast, but to his astonishment, all the food inside was gone.

Mildly irritated, but determined not to let this setback ruin his good mood, he shrugged and went over to a nearby duffel bag. He opened it up and dug inside, only to find that there was nothing for him to dig through. He was just clawing at the air that was inside the bag. He turned it upside down and shook it, but much to his frustration, it, like the cooler, was empty.

Drawing himself to his full height, he gathered his strength and summoned his frequently-used "Dad's in Charge" voice that he used when he needed to be extra-serious.

"Okay! Everyone wake up! Family meeting! Family meeting! Let's go, people!" he shouted, clapping his hands as if he were rousing the troops.

It took a few seconds, but after lots shouting and clapping, his bleary-eyed family emerged from their tents.

"I don't know why I let you share a tent with me," Mom mumbled.

"Everyone up! We need to have a very serious discussion!" Dad said sternly.

Calvin groaned. "Oh, great! Not content with trapping us on this rock in the middle of the ocean with no TV, you now want to lecture us on the importance of responsibility? I'm reporting you to Child Services!"

Dad held up the duffel bag. "Anyone want to explain why this duffel bag is empty?" he demanded.

Calvin and Mom stared at it.

"Well, dear, one would assume that someone has removed the contents from within it," Mom said at last.

"Exactly! Someone has taken all the food that was in here! The question is: where is it?"

"In someone's stomach?" Calvin suggested.

Dad glared at him. "I packed enough food for three people. Someone has been taking extra snacks. I planned this rigorously for a reason, you know!"

"Four people," Calvin corrected.

Mom and Dad stared at him.

"Four people?" Dad repeated incredulously.

"Well… three people and a tiger," Calvin amended. He reached into the tent and pulled out Hobbes.

Mom and Dad now stared at the head of the stuffed tiger that was looking back at them with marble eyes.

"Calvin, you ate all the food?" Dad snapped.

"Not all of it. Hobbes ate some of it too."

"Don't make up lies, Calvin. That was very irresponsible of you."

"But he did, Dad! He's a tiger! He has to eat too, you know!"

Dad gritted his teeth and ran his hands through his thinning hair.

"Dear, you came here to _relax_," Mom reminded him, gently putting a hand on his arm.

It took a few moments, but eventually, Dad began to calm down. "Fine," he said, exasperated. "Fine. We're out of food. We have no choice. We'll have to head back to shore."

"Yes!" Calvin cheered.

"… and we'll bring it back here to finish our vacation," he finished sternly.

"Booooo!"

"I'll get the canoe. The rest of you just sit tight and wait here."

"Like heck we are!" Calvin snapped. "Hobbes and I are going with you! We need to make sure you get the right kind of cereal for us!"

"And if you think I'm staying here, you've got another thing coming, pal!" Mom added. "I am not missing an opportunity to use a real restroom!"

"But dear, there are plenty of leaves out here. You know, if you'd listened to my lecture about making use of the elements…"

"Move it! Come on! Hustle!" Calvin snapped, clapping his hands as if to rouse the troops. "Let's get the lead out!" he said as he put on his backpack.

"Calvin, why are you taking your backpack if we're coming back?" Mom asked.

"I'm entertaining an idle fantasy that the island will sink while we're gone," Calvin replied, grabbing Hobbes. "Now come on. Let's get out of here!"

Shrugging, Mom followed her son down to the canoe.

Dad glared at them before kicking the cooler, causing the ice to spill out. He grumbled all the way to the water.

* * *

It took about an hour on the choppy water to paddle back to the mainland, but by the time they got there, the waters had calmed, much to their irritation, mainly because it happened just as they'd made it back onto dry land.

They climbed up the steps and headed into the town.

"So where do we go for food?" Calvin asked as they walked down the sidewalk.

"I remember seeing a supermarket somewhere around here," Mom said, scanning the lines of shops.

Calvin and Hobbes looked around curiously.

"There's a motel over there," Calvin said, pointing in that direction. "Any chance we could just stay there? We could get an uncut fish from this store and take our picture with it and say we caught it. I won't tell."

"Calvin, you suggest that every time we go camping, and every time, I say no. What does that tell you?" Dad asked.

"That sooner or later you're going to break down and do it."

Dad sighed and looked around. "Okay, I see a grocery store. Let's load up and get back to the island."

"Why? Is it going anywhere?" Mom asked.

"No, Mom, we have to get there in time for the fish to still not be there," Calvin grumbled.

Dad ignored them and headed into the store with Mom right behind him.

Calvin was making to follow him when Hobbes tapped him on the shoulder.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Look," Hobbes said, pointing at the dockside. "That cruise ship is still moored there."

Calvin followed his friend's finger and saw at the other end of the pier was the huge glorious cruise ship.

"Wow…," he said quietly. "What I wouldn't give to…"

"Calvin, come on," Mom called after him.

Calvin looked torn for a moment as he looked back and forth between the grocery store and the cruise ship. Reluctantly, he followed his mother into the store.

Mom and Dad got a shopping cart and prepared to load up.

"Okay, we need oatmeal, spam and bread," Dad said, looking around.

"And a few other things," Mom said, craning her neck to see what more the store had to offer.

"Dear, we're camping. What more do we need?"

"Well, Calvin needs his cereal, I need some instant coffee, and some fruits and vegetables might not be too bad an idea."

"But the island has plenty of vegetation!"

"The island has leaves, and apparently, you want to use those for toilet paper."

"But there are _edible _leaves there too! We just have to pluck them off the trees and…"

"No. Let's go to the produce section."

"Dear, we don't need to…"

"We are."

"But we don't…"

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were both getting very bored. They looked idly around the grocery store, looking for things to sneak into the shopping cart.

All the while, though, Calvin couldn't help but glance out of the automatic doors. He could see the cruise ship in the distance, almost winking invitingly at him. He tried to ignore it, but for some reason, he found himself unable to stop focusing on it.

He tried to focus on a box of cereal. It wasn't a box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, which meant he had no idea what it said on the side of the box. Hoping it would occupy his mind for a while, he focused very intently on the writing. He read the ingredients panel three items.

But he just kept glancing at the ship through the door.

He tried examining a melon from the produce section. He tried to do what he saw grownups usually doing with produce. He held it in his hands. He examined the skin. He hefted it a bit. He shook it gently. He rolled it down the floor.

But he could still feel the cruise ship calling to him.

Finally, he just couldn't stand it anymore. He turned around and saw that his parents were still arguing about a jar of peanut butter and not paying any attention to him. He grabbed Hobbes' paw and proceeded to drag his friend away.

"Hey, where are we going?" Hobbes exclaimed.

"Cruise ship! Come on! While they're not looking!"

Hobbes found himself being dragged out of the grocery store via the automatic doors and out onto the sidewalk. "Whoa, slow down!"

"Relax! We'll be back before they even know we're gone! Come on!"

"In the past, you've been a remarkably poor judge about what your parents will or will not notice."

Calvin just ignored him and continued to drag his friend down the sidewalk towards the dock where the ship was moored.

When they got there, they saw two security guards standing in front of the gangway that led up into the ship.

"Now what?" Hobbes asked. "Do we just look at it longingly?

"No! We need to find a way on board!"

"How do we do that?"

"Hang on… I might have something in my backpack that can help."

Calvin took off his backpack and proceeded to dig around in it until he pulled out a small grey device.

"What's that?" Hobbes asked.

"Short-range teleporter," Calvin replied.

"Wait, what? I thought you left your inventions at home!"

"I did! This is one of Sherman's inventions."

"What are you doing with it?"

"He let me borrow it. I've been meaning to update the MTM's teleporter. He's always complaining about using up his battery power to teleport us and our friends from place to place. This thing can teleport at half his power, so I was hoping to adapt the technology. Problem is this thing's only capable of short-range teleportation."

"Oh. So, we couldn't use that thing to, say, go home?"

"No. We wouldn't get very far."

"How far will it take us?"

Calvin thought for a moment. "About… thirty feet."

"Oh… Well, that's just not good."

"No, it's usually not. But it is now! How far away would you say that cruise ship is?"

Hobbes looked up at the cruise ship. "I don't know… Thirty feet?"

"Well, let's hope it's less than that. Otherwise we'll wind up right on the very edge of the hull. Ready?"

"What? Now?"

"Good!"

"Wait, I didn't – "

Calvin's open palm connected with a button the side of the device, and for a moment, the world turned blurry. One minute, Hobbes was certain he was standing on the dockside and the next, he was on a reinforced wooden floor, and the world was suddenly a lot further away than it had been a moment ago.

It was such an odd sensation that Hobbes had to stop and get his breath back. "Did we make it?" he gasped, dropping onto all fours.

"Yep! We did it! We're on board! Isn't this cool?" Calvin cheered, pocketing the teleporter.

"Yeah, wonderful," Hobbes sighed. "Now what? Your parents are sure to have noticed we're gone by now."

"We'll just tell them we went to the restroom or something while they were arguing. We'll say we tried to get their attention, but they were too busy focusing on the peanut butter to notice. We'll be back in fifteen minutes."

"What are we going to do in fifteen minutes – play shuffle board?"

"Oh, come on! Let's have a look around! Real quick – we'll just look around and see if this ship is as great as the brochure said. Speaking of which…," Calvin said as he reached into his backpack again and pulled out the brochure. "There's a map of the ship in here… Ah! Here we go. It says here we're on the north deck. We need to make tracks in that direction if we want to find the casino! Come on!"

Calvin scampered off down the side of the ship and ducked through a hatchway.

Hobbes looked uncertain, but in the end, he shrugged and followed after him.

* * *

Fifteen minutes never went by so fast for Calvin.

The ship was even bigger on the inside. First, they found the casino, which was powered up and ready for people to pointlessly lose their money in a game of chance that was probably rigged so that they couldn't win anyway.

Next, they found a spa. It wasn't just any spa. It was a spa with steam rooms, massage parlors, hot tubs, a bar, an exercise room and a fake plant for atmosphere.

Following that, they found a library. Calvin and Hobbes looked around it in absolute amazement. Three floors lined with shelves, all loaded to the brim with books, with a lot of them in different languages.

One thing they noticed was all the restaurants that scattered the ship. There must have been at least thirty different restaurants, putting them in mind of the food court at the mall, just classier and more expensive. They saw Italian, Chinese, Mexican, Japanese, Korean and even regular old fast food.

They found three movie theaters that had copies of a load of action movies that were all rated PG-13 and higher that Calvin usually wouldn't be able to see. All three had their own concession stand with soft drinks and popcorn with a butter-flavored substance on it.

What really amazed them was the Broadway-style Theater in the middle of the ship. They gaped in amazement at what looked like a set for Pirates of the Caribbean.

As they wandered around the theater, admiring its architecture, a thought occurred to Hobbes. "Where is everyone?"

"What?" Calvin asked, snapping out of his reverie.

"Well, this is a pretty big cruise ship. You'd think there'd be a crew or something. Even if it's not set sail yet, shouldn't there be people maintaining it in the meantime?"

"Maybe they're on break."

"What, all of them at the exact same time?"

"I don't know! Maybe they're union or something!"

Hobbes shook his head and looked around. "Do you think we should be heading back now?"

Calvin checked his watch and winced. "Ooh, yeah. We should make tracks. Come on. Man, I wish I had the MTM right now…"

"Which way do we go?"

"Well, we just have to…," Calvin began, but he trailed off his he checked his pockets. He froze.

Hobbes put two and two together rather quickly. "You lost the brochure, didn't you?"

"… It would appear so, yes," Calvin said sheepishly, turning his pockets inside out.

"Great."

"Look, don't worry about it. We just need to retrace our steps. Come on. I remember the movie theater was on the way here."

They started to walk out of the theater. They looked around and examined their surroundings.

"… Or was it on the last floor?"

Hobbes groaned. "Can't we just use the teleporter?"

"It won't get us out of the ship. It can only take us thirty feet at a time."

"So what do we do?"

Calvin thought for a long moment. "Look for stairs," he said at last. "Stairs always lead to the top of something. With any luck, it'll get us back to the top deck and we can teleport to the dock from there."

Hobbes looked around. "Hmmm… Where do we find stairs?"

Calvin looked up and down the corridor. "I'm going to guess…_that _way!" he announced, pointing to the left. "Come on!"

And they ran down the corridor.


	6. Lost at Sea

Being a parent is a curious thing. You and another person have created another life form that you must then bring up and raise it to adulthood, with the hope that you won't emotionally screw it up along the way and that nobody will do anything too cruel to them that will teach them more about the real world than they'll ever care to know.

Of course, there's one thing particular that every parent needs to remember, but a surprisingly high number of them forget. You need to keep an eye on your dang kid. Kids have this tendency to not know anything about the dangers around them, so they will often wander off cluelessly into the outside world with next to no care for safety precautions. That's why parents need to really focus on what their child is doing whenever they can, and that means sometimes they can't afford to stop and argue about trivialities like peanut butter brands.

Sadly, this is what Calvin's parents had been doing while their son and his feline friend had wandered off while they were on vacation in a strange place that they weren't familiar with.

To their credit, Calvin had been wrong about them – they hadn't argued for fifteen minutes. It had been more like ten, and they had only drawn about three for four weird stares during it.

Mom and Dad had finally turned to look in the last place they had seen Calvin, only to find him and his stuffed tiger missing from the spot.

They had looked around for him and checked all the various places where he might be – cereal aisle, cookie aisle, bakery, restroom, canned goods – but he wasn't in any of these places.

Finally, they had spoken to the store's manager and asked for help. They had called Calvin's name on the intercom multiple times, but he hadn't shown up. Instead, they decided to check the security footage in the manager's office. They had checked the area around produce, where they saw Calvin fiddling around with a melon while looking over his shoulder at something every few seconds. Then they saw him grab his stuffed tiger, say something to it, and then he ran out of the shot.

They switched to another camera, and they replayed the footage, wherein they witnessed Calvin running out of the store in a great hurry.

"Where is he going?" Dad wondered. "What was out there that was so important?"

Mom thought for a moment, and then she realized. "Ohhh," she moaned. "That cruise liner he wanted to go on is still docked out there!"

At that precise moment, they heard a sound that sent a chill right through their spines.

It was the sound of various police sirens getting closer and closer.

The store manager headed out of his office and led them to the doors. They stepped outside and looked in the direction of the sirens. They saw multiple police cars coming down the drive, followed closely by camera crews in various vans. They were all heading in the direction of the harbor.

"Yep, that's where he is alright," Dad sighed. "We can't take him anywhere, can we?"

Mom grabbed his arm and dragged him all the way down the street, chasing after the various vehicles. Several thoughts were running through her head, first and foremost being that this family was never going fishing again. Second was cursing herself for taking her eyes off her only child for even a second. Third was calculating how long she should ground Calvin if it turned out he was alright.

They fought their way through the growing crowds, trying to pinpoint just where they should be standing and who they should try to talk to.

Already, the firm grasp of the media had coiled its way around whatever story was unfolding before them. Three camera crews were already setting up, pointing cameras at their hastily-made-up news reporters, who were holding their microphones and speaking dutifully into the lens as they tried to remember what they were supposed to say.

One in particular stood out – he was tall, wearing a nice suit with a nice tie, and he toupee was nicely combed. His voice was the loudest of all, and he was doing surprisingly well, considering how many flashes were going off in his face from all the cameras.

"…and it has just been reported a mere half hour ago that the cruise ship, scheduled to be boarded and depart in just two days, has simply vanished without a trace. There is no sign of any foul play as the cables holding the ship have no traces of damage to them at all and are simply dangling in the water. Port authorities have not witnessed the ship leaving the harbor. It just seems as though the ship has vanished into thin air."

Mom and Dad stared, and it suddenly became apparent that the massive cruise ship that had earlier been moored in the harbor was now totally missing. There was no sign of it whatsoever – neither in the harbor nor as a speck on the horizon.

They stared at each other in horror.

* * *

Hobbes's voice reverberated through the empty corridor. "Face it! We're lost!"

Calvin's voice reverberated right back at him. "We are not! We'll find our way back!"

"Why would we need to _find _our way back if we're not lost?"

"Oh, shut up! We'll be fine!"

Calvin and Hobbes wandered to the far end of their twenty-fifth corridor and collapsed by the stairwell from exhaustion.

Their search for the way out had been quite lackluster so far. They'd wandered through half the ship, trying to find the correct way up, but each time they found some stairs, they found that they didn't go all the way to the top, and in fact only went to another floor that was _not _on top. They'd been up and down so many stairwells and in and out of so many doors that they weren't even sure where anything was anymore.

"There must be a master stairwell somewhere…," Calvin sighed, sitting down on the stairs. "One that will take us all the way to the top… One that can take us to every single floor…"

"Do you have any food in that backpack? I'm starving," Hobbes moaned.

"Really? We're lost in a cruise ship, and you're going to whine the whole time? First it's, 'we're lost' and then it's 'I'm hungry'! Honestly, Hobbes, show some tact!"

"Tact? Look who's talking about tact!"

"Oh, shut up."

"See? How very tactful of you."

Calvin stuck his tongue out at him and looked around some more. He checked his watch. "It's been hours. Mom and Dad are sure to have noticed we're gone by now."

"Do you think they'll think to look for us here?"

"I doubt it. I'll have to come up with a credible excuse for wandering off like that."

"What possible excuse could there be that would cover wandering off in a strange place where we don't know where anything is?"

"We got bored."

"… I think they'll want something a little more impressive than that."

"Okay… How about we suddenly had to go save the world from aliens, and it took a little longer than we thought."

"Try again."

"We were kidnapped?"

"Nah…"

"How about we were there the whole time, but we were actually invisible?"

"They'll want to know why we didn't say anything. Just because we're invisible doesn't mean we can't talk."

"True… Okay… Thinking… Okay, how about this: we wing it and see what happens."

"That's it?"

"Yep."

"That's your whole plan?"

"Well, you didn't like any of my other ones."

"… Okay, we'll go with that one."

"Good. Just be sure to let me do all the talking. You know how you have a tendency to clam up whenever we're in trouble."

"Sure thing. So, getting back on the subject of dinner…"

"Hobbes, enough with the eating shtick! Honestly, it's because of your appetite we're in this mess in the first place!"

"Excuse me?"

"You ate all the food back at camp! If you had just kept to your fair share like everyone else, we wouldn't be trapped on a luxury cruise liner! We'd be trapped on a rock in the middle of nowhere!"

They stared at each other for a long moment.

"Okay, never mind. Good work," Calvin grumbled.

Hobbes smirked.

They looked around a little more before they got up and started to walk some more. As they continued on their merry way through the corridor, Hobbes's eye caught something glinting on the floor. He looked at it properly and his eyes widened with excitement.

"Look!" he exclaimed. "The brochure! I found it!"

Calvin's head whipped around and he saw the brochure he'd dropped earlier lying on the floor. "Yes!" he cheered, reaching down and grabbing it. "Okay! Let's see… Map… Map… Map… Here it is! Yes! Okay, real quick – what floor are we on?"

Hobbes looked around and spotted a sign near the stairwell they'd just vacated. His eyes skimmed over it. "Floor 164," he announced.

"Okay… 164… Here it is! It says here that there's an elevator somewhere near here!"

"There's an elevator in this ship?"

"Must be for luggage and stuff. Come on, let's see if it works!"

Following the map's instructions, Calvin and Hobbes found the elevator. They pressed the button and stepped inside as it opened.

"Wow…," Hobbes murmured. "Plush carpeting in an elevator – fancy schmancy."

"Yep. Not as cool as that elevator we rode in Dubai, but still pretty cool."

The doors closed around them.

* * *

The doors opened around them, and they found themselves on the correct floor.

Hobbes sniffed the air. "This feels right," he said with a nod.

"How do you know for sure?"

"I can smell salt in the air. I think we're close to the outside now."

"Sweet! Come on, ol' buddy. Let's skedaddle before the wrong people find us."

"Yeah, it's almost nine o'clock. There must be at least a night watchman somewhere by now."

The two friends walked down the corridor, and before they knew it, they were standing before a large metal door that read: "DECK AREA – RECREATIONAL, BOARDING, ETC."

Grinning triumphantly, they pushed against the door together, and they found themselves staring at the night sky, which was loaded with stars.

"Wow," Calvin exclaimed. "Look at the sky!"

"Yeah! It's incredible when you can see forever into space!"

They stared up at it for a long time.

Then, something occurred to Calvin. "It's a bit quiet, isn't it?"

Hobbes considered this. He looked around. "Yeah, it is a bit. Aren't we supposed to be in a port or something?"

"Yeah, I'm almost certain that ports are noisy most of the time."

"Yeah…"

They looked at each other uneasily.

"I'm sure it's nothing. Maybe they're all on break…," Calvin said quietly.

"Doesn't anyone do any _work _on this ship?" Hobbes demanded.

"Come on. Let's have a look."

They both walked to the guardrail around the edge of the ship and looked around.

They were surrounded by water.

"Okay, what's this mean?" Hobbes asked worriedly.

"Hopefully it means we came out on the wrong side and we're facing the ocean. Come on. Let's go see where the harbor went."

They walked around the entire ship three times. Denial can be an ugly thing sometimes, but Calvin and Hobbes were determined to convince themselves that they weren't, in fact, lost at sea on a cruise ship in uncharted waters with no way of ever getting back home. Their brains just wouldn't process the information. They wandered around the perimeter of the deck, convinced that the harbor was merely hiding from them, and they were going to find it any second now.

Eventually, though, they were forced to face a very awkward truth – they were stranded in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with no way of getting back home.

"How…?" Hobbes stammered. "How did this happen? How'd we get out here?"

Calvin shook his slowly, grasping the side of a deck chair for support. "I… I don't… It's… We can't…"

Hobbes glanced at his friend with concern. He looked like he was going to pass out at any moment. He racked his brain for something helpful to say, but nothing came immediately to mind, so he just put a paw on his shoulder to help comfort him and steady him at the same time.

Calvin shook his head in order to get his brain functioning again. He looked around once more to confirm the grim news that they were stranded. He looked up at Hobbes, who was looking at him hopefully.

Finally, he thought of something to say.

"We're lost at sea."

Hobbes blinked. "Yes. I noticed," he replied.

"Good. I wasn't sure."

They stood in silence for a moment.

"…Well, let's have a seat and figure this out," Calvin said at last.

Hobbes nodded numbly, and they both thudded down on the beach chairs. They stared up at the night sky, trying to keep whatever panic they felt bubbling up inside them at bay. They stared at the stars for a long time.

Finally, Calvin found his voice. "Okay… We can get out of this. We just need to get organized."

"How do we do that?"

Calvin looked around. He spied something on the far end of the deck. He ran over and looked at it. It was a newspaper stand.

* * *

"This emergency meeting of **GROSS: G**ET **R**ID **O**F **S**LIMY GIRL**S** – will come to order, Supreme Dictator-For-Life Calvin presiding!"

"Hear-hear!" Hobbes cheered, clapping his hands.

Calvin and Hobbes had fashioned themselves some crude newspaper hats and had turned over two beach chairs to form a makeshift bunker against the wall of the cabins.

"Gentlemen, we find ourselves in a perilous situation!" Calvin announced to an invisible crowd. "We have, through forces as yet unknown to us, been stranded in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The outlook is bleak. However, we must steel our resolve and find a solution to this, our current debacle."

"Agreed," Hobbes said with a smart salute. He always felt brave when he was in uniform.

"First, we must take stock of our current situation. Secretary Hobbes will go over the details of what we have on hand. Secretary?"

"Thank you, Your Dictatorship," Hobbes replied, standing up and pulling out a notepad from Calvin's backpack. "As of this moment, we are on a ship with unlimited supplies. I think we can survive for an extended period of time."

"This is true," Calvin said with a nod.

"Also, there's bound to be a radio or some sort of communications device on this ship somewhere. I'm sure we can find it if the worst comes to the worst."

"Good, good. Continue."

"We are on a cruise ship instead of a god-forsaken rock. I _cannot_ stress that enough."

"Excellent point."

"Plus, I looked in the movie theater on the way back up here. They were going to be playing that new action flick with the action star and the smoking-hot blonde in the rubber cat suit. We've wanted to see that for some time, but your parents wouldn't take us because of its advanced rating."

"Ooh, cool! Looking forward to that…"

"In conclusion, all-in-all and therefore, I believe that we are in no immediate danger, but we should make an effort to actually get out of here either way," Hobbes said, putting away the notepad and saluting once again.

"A fair point, Secretary Hobbes. You may stand down."

Hobbes sat down, and Calvin stood up again.

"Very well, gentlemen, you have your mission. Do we all know what to do?"

"Kick back, relax and wait for someone to rescue us from this floating paradise?"

"Correct! You have your orders, men! Now let's move out! Last one to the buffet is a rotten egg!"

The two friends jumped up over the beach chairs, ditched their newspaper hats and ran as fast as they could to the elevator.

A few seconds later, they stopped and ran back again. They dove back behind the beach chairs and put their hats back on rather haphazardly.

"Meeting adjourned!" Calvin announced.

They both saluted each other once more before once again jumping back over the beach chairs and running for the elevator.


	7. Search Efforts

It was the third day of summer vacation.

Andy had just woken up, and he was at the moment coming downstairs for breakfast. He wandered down the stairs of his home with bleary eyes. He yawned long and loud as he headed for the kitchen. He looked around and found nothing going on. He knew his dad was going to work at the local university and wouldn't be home until later that night. His eyes flitted to the right, and he could see out the back door that his mother was working in the garden, as was her ritual every morning from mid-April to early August.

Looking around for something to eat, he pulled open the freezer and dug around the bottom, finding some frozen waffles. He ripped open the package and took them over to the toaster.

At that moment, he heard the pitter-patter of tiny footsteps. Without looking up, he said, "Morning, Sherman."

"Good morning," Sherman replied dryly.

The genius hamster was climbing his way up to the top of the counter to prepare his own breakfast. He headed over towards the breadbox and pulled it open, revealing amongst the regular bread inside, there was a packet of hamster pellets as well. He grabbed it, opened the top and pulled a few out, sticking them in his mouth and putting the packet back again.

"What did you do all night?" Andy asked.

"Experimenting on a new sort of teleporter. Calvin never returned the one I leant him before he went on vacation, so I'm trying to make do without it," Sherman replied with his mouthful of pellets.

"Swallow, Shermie."

Sherman swallowed and glared at him. "I'm going to watch TV for a while. I could do with some relaxation."

"You do that."

Sherman climbed down from the counter and scurried across the linoleum of the kitchen and onto the carpeting of the living room. He climbed up onto the blue sofa and grabbed the remote that was twice his size. He reached forward and pressed the button that turned it on.

The TV roared into life, and the hamster leaned back to wait and see what was on.

Imagine his surprise when a picture of Calvin's face appeared on the screen.

"…_and police have been forced to call in Search & Rescue in search of Calvin, who they have previous experience with, as he originally went missing during one summer in a mountain range at a Camp Pine. The Head of Search & Rescue says that they have begun to search the area around the harbor, but there is simply no sign of the missing cruise ship. It really begs the question of how an entire cruise ship and a small boy can just vanish into thin air._"

Sherman stared at the screen in shock.

Andy entered the room, munching on his waffles. "Did I just hear Calvin's name?" he asked.

Sherman simply pointed at the screen.

Andy turned to look and nearly dropped his breakfast on the floor when he saw the caption on the newsreel: "SIX-YEAR-OLD BOY LOST AT SEA."

* * *

Across the country in Yellowstone National Park, Dr. Brainstorm was still working on another plan to locate Calvin and destroy him.

Jack, meanwhile, was relaxing in his recliner again, flipping through the channels. "Still no luck?" he called over to the workbench where the mad scientist was working.

"Not one bit!" Dr. Brainstorm snapped. "Why'd they have to make the Earth so darn huge? That Pacific Ocean is just too big! I'll never find that little spiky-haired brat at this rate! Why didn't I put a tracking chip inside his head when I had the chance?"

"Because if you had so much as touched him, he would've ripped your finger off," Jack replied.

"Bah! Nonsense!"

Jack sighed to himself and got comfortable in his chair. He took a sip of his soda to settle himself. He grabbed the remote and started to flip through the channels again. He was just considering not watching TV at all this morning when he just happened to catch a flash of yellow in one of the channels, so he quickly went back again and stared in surprise at the screen.

It was a picture of Calvin looking down at him, and there was that caption underneath it: "SIX-YEAR-OLD BOY LOST AT SEA"

It took Jack a few seconds to properly register what he was looking at before he recovered.

"Hey, Frank?" he shouted over his shoulder.

"_**DR. BRAINSTORM!**_"

"I think I know where Calvin is."

There was a brief pause.

Dr. Brainstorm came into the room and looked around. "Well, where is he?" he demanded, storming up to the reclining robot. "Is he in this room? Is he in the vicinity? I don't have time for you to waste my time, Jack! I have important work to do! I have to… I have… I… I…"

He was trailing off because during his tirade, Jack had started pointing at the monitor above him, and he saw the picture and the caption, and he began listening to the broadcast.

"… _Search and Rescue Officials are baffled by the disappearance of the cruise ship. They aren't certain as to whether or not the boy is actually on the ship, but it's important to find it just in case he is. There is still the possibility that he has been kidnapped instead, but police aren't certain. They've locked off the entire town in their efforts to locate Calvin, but it's still too early to say for sure he's safe or not…_"

Dr. Brainstorm and Jack stared at the TV, dumbfounded.

"He's… lost at sea…?" Dr. Brainstorm managed.

"It would appear so," Jack replied.

"… Or _is _he?"

Jack stared at him. "Well, what else could he be doing out there?" he demanded.

Dr. Brainstorm began to walk around the room, rubbing his hands together enthusiastically, the insane glint in his eye growing more and more. "So Calvin and his tiger have gotten themselves lost at sea, eh? How convenient! Perhaps…_too_ convenient! Perhaps there's more to this than meets the eye…"

"Such as…?"

"Such as the possibility that he's hidden himself in the middle of the ocean to hide from my _vengeance_!" the mad scientist declared dramatically.

Jack stared at him some more. "Or…they're genuinely lost at sea?"

"Oh, Jack, that's always been your problem. Such narrow thinking! You've got to think _outside_ the box in these situations!"

"This is thinking outside the box?"

"Of course it is! Now come on! Let's go to that harbor and begin our search for him!"

Jack blinked, then shrugged and got up. "Fine, I'll come. As long as we actually look for him, I'll come."

"Excellent! Into the rocket!"

And with a dramatic flair, he spun around so that his lab coat flapped in the air and ran for the rocket.

Jack walked calmly after him.

* * *

Andy had no time to stop and admire the fine summer day that was outside waiting for him. He had to get going in a hurry. In fact, he'd been in such a hurry when he'd gotten dressed, he'd accidentally put his shoes on the wrong feet. Sherman had had to talk him through it and calm him down enough just so he could get out the door.

Right now, Sherman was riding in his friend's pocket. His thoughts were racing too, but at the moment, he was able to keep a clear head and focus on making sure they got where they were going safely.

They were just sprinting down the road in the direction of the mansion that loomed in the distance when they heard a voice.

"ANDY!"

Andy skidded to a halt and looked around. That had been a girl's voice. Cautiously, he turned around and was surprised to see Susie Derkins approaching him.

"Oh! Hey, Susie, what's up?" he asked quickly, getting ready to start running again.

"Andy, did you hear about Calvin?" she exclaimed, looking rather frantic.

"Yes! Yes, I did. Lost at sea. Terrible shame. If you'll excuse me…"

Andy tried to start moving again, but something clamped down around his arm, and it took him a few moments to realize that it was Susie's hands.

"How could this happen? How could that little weirdo get lost at sea? _How could he_?!"

"… Er, I'm pretty sure he didn't do it on purpose…," Andy said awkwardly.

"That little stinker! What if I never see him again?" Susie wailed.

Andy looked at her funny.

Susie backpedalled quickly. "I mean, what if _we _never him again? Not that I care if I ever see him again. So what if I don't? So what if he never shows his stupid yellow head around here again? So what if he never tries to steal my dollies or throw water balloons at me ever again? So what? Who cares? Not me! That's for darn sure!"

Andy checked his watch. "Yeah, darn sure. Look, I need to get…"

"Who cares if I never hear the sound of his voice again, or watch him during class again, or play pretend with him again, or sit with him at lunch again, or – ?"

"Susie!" Andy snapped.

Susie jumped at the older boy's sharp tone.

"Look, I know you're upset and want him back. Don't worry. We'll get him back. We just need to be brave and have hope, okay?"

Susie nodded shakily. "Oh… Okay…," she stammered.

"Good girl. Now go home and wait for him to come, okay?"

"Yes, sir," she said nervously, and she turned and walked back towards her house.

Andy and Sherman watched her leave for a moment.

"… Wow," Sherman said at last. "She's got it bad."

"I shudder to think what puberty is going to do these people," Andy remarked, shaking his head tiredly.

With that, he resumed running towards the mansion a few blocks down.

* * *

Socrates was watching the TV with great fascination.

Calvin's face was all over the screen, along with pictures of the missing cruise ship, and they were constantly talking about the situation and about how strange it was that such a massive ship could just go "poof!" into thin air.

Then he heard a familiar sound.

_DING! DING! DING! DING! DING… __**DING… DONG!**_

Smirking momentarily at his beloved novelty doorbell, he leapt from his couch and jumped across the room towards the front of the mansion where the massive wooden doors stood. He wrenched them open with a dramatic flair, knowing that the situation called for it.

After all, he knew who would be on his front step.

Andy and Sherman stared up at him.

"We need to do something," Andy said decisively.

Socrates grinned. "Should I break out the blueprints?" he asked eagerly.

* * *

The Oregon Coast was closed off completely. Police cars lined the border of the city, determined to make sure that if anyone took the six-year-old from his parents, they wouldn't be able to make it out with him.

Meanwhile, Search and Rescue were flying helicopters and sending boats around the coastline, trying to locate the cruise ship. So far, there was no sign of it, but they kept at it for hours on end. There logic was that even if the ship's engines had been running, it couldn't be too far away even at maximum speed.

So in spite of all this maximum security, no one noticed the bright red rocket that arrived in Oregon and landed in a vacant building site.

Putting the cloaking device on, Dr. Brainstorm climbed out of the invisible rocket and landed in the dirt. He looked around quickly while Jack lowered himself gently next to him.

"Well, what now?" the robot asked sardonically.

"Now we need a boat," Dr. Brainstorm replied decisively.

"A boat? Can't we just go in the rocket?"

"No good… He'd be expecting that! We require the element of surprise for this plan to be a success, Jack!"

"I see… Okay, what plan is that then?"

"We get a boat, find him and destroy him!"

"Genius."

"Thank you. Now then, we must acquire a boat! Where are there any boats?"

Jack activated his automatic GPS and scanned the area with his camera eyes. With absolute pinpoint precision, he was able to lock onto the nearest location that could get them out to sea.

"Over there," he said, pointing in the direction. "There's a rental place on the dockside."

"Excellent! Come, Jack!"

Dr. Brainstorm sprinted across the dirt and towards the dockside.

Jack shrugged and followed him at his own pace.

* * *

The shopkeeper wasn't expecting any business today. The waters were closed off due to the search for the missing boy and the cruise ship. He came in anyway, though, just to take reservations and any other business he could get.

Imagine his surprise when the door opened, and in walked a man with green eyes, a lab coat and a baseball cap. He marched purposefully down the length of the shop and slammed his hands down on the counter, startling the shopkeeper.

"Are you the proprietor of this shop?" the man demanded in an overly-dramatic tone.

"Yes, sir," the shopkeeper replied evenly. "What can I do ya for?"

"Ah, cooperation! Excellent! I require a craft to take me onto the ocean!"

"…Okay. Well, I'm afraid there's a waiting period now. The waters are closed off while they're looking for that kid and the cruise ship."

The man growled. "I don't care what the _authorities _say! I need to get onto the ocean now!"

"What for?"

The man seemed to come up short at that. "Er… Because… I need to…go fishing…to provide…for my…_family_," he said haltingly.

The shopkeeper raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh… Well, you'll need to wait a while. I don't know how long it'll take them to find the boy or the ship."

The man growled with frustration. "Okay…," he hissed. "Is there any part of the water that _isn't _closed off?"

"Nahh, they've closed off the area for the next twenty miles in all directions."

"Okay, fine. Can I have a boat if I promise to take it twenty miles from here and then bring it back when I'm done?"

The shopkeeper blinked. "Er… Well, there's a form you'll need to fill out first…"

"Fine! Whatever! Give me a boat!"

"… Okay. I'll show you what we have around back."

The shopkeeper got up from his chair and led this lunatic around to the back of the store. He opened the door and revealed that it led to the outside. They walked down some steps towards the rows of canoes and sailboats that were bobbing up and down, tied to the dock.

"Is this it?" the man demanded, looking disappointed. "These are all the boats you have to choose from?"

"Yes, sir."

"But this is pathetic! Look at these! All you have are wind-power and paddle-power! This'll never do!"

"You can catch fish in them alright."

"But I can't go out onto the ocean and battle my mortal enemy with these! He's got a cruise liner, while I'm stuck with a lump of balsa wood, with or without a cloth? I think not! I need something bigger with at least twenty horsepower! Preferably made of metal!"

The shopkeeper stared at him. "You were expecting to move a giant metal ship twenty miles down the road?"

"Immaterial! You have failed me, shopkeeper! Don't think for a second that you're getting away with this! I'll be back! And I shall see to it that every single canoe and sailboat in your fleet is burned to the ground! Good day, sir!"

"But I – "

"I SAID GOOD DAY!"

And with that, the man stormed back through the building towards the exit.

The shopkeeper scratched his head. He sure met the weirdoes in this job.

* * *

Jack was standing outside the shop, waiting for Dr. Brainstorm to come out. He had offered to come in, but his "master" had said something about "not wanting to intimidate the locals _too _much," so he'd agreed to wait outside.

While he was waiting, a little boy walked past him, holding a bottle of soda that he was struggling to open. He turned and saw Jack, and, apparently not realizing he was a robot, walked up to him.

"Excuse me, mister?" he asked, holding the soda up. "Can you open this for me?"

Jack raised an eyebrow at the kid, looked around to make sure no one was looking, and then he aimed his finger at the top of the bottle. The tip of his finger turned bright blue, and the plastic top on the soda released and slowly unscrewed itself.

The kid stared in amazement. He took the top all the way off and took a swig of his drink. "Wow! Thanks, mister!" he exulted happily.

"No problem, kid," Jack replied.

As the child ran off to find his parents, Dr. Brainstorm finally emerged from the shop looking irritated.

"No dice?" Jack asked.

"And no boat, either," Dr. Brainstorm replied. "He had nothing but low-rate sailboats and canoes. What are we, Eskimos?"

"So what now?"

"We have no choice, Jack! We must act quickly before the port authorities find him! Break out the Pocket Lab! We'll make our own boat!"

Jack shrugged. "Okeydokey," he replied, pulling open his chest plate and pulling out a small cube. "Shall we repair to the building site and set up?"

"Quite."

And they headed back the way they came.

* * *

Back at home, Andy, Sherman and Socrates were gathered around the table in Socrates' kitchen.

"It figures," Socrates complained. "Calvin and Hobbes get to spend the summer on a cruise ship, and I'm stuck here. Of all the times to not be in the room when they're deciding to go somewhere!"

"Socrates," Sherman groaned, "they're trapped out at sea. We've got to rescue them somehow."

"What for? Calvin's got the MTM and all his other inventions. If he runs into any trouble, he could just teleport to safety, right?"

Andy and Sherman looked at each other.

"But if he _can_ do it then why hasn't he yet?" Andy asked.

"Because he's enjoying himself! He and Hobbo are on a _cruise ship_! They just got themselves a free vacation! That's just like them to go and steal a cruise ship just to get out of a crummy camping trip and not invite me. The nerve!"

Sherman sighed. "Socrates, they're stranded in the middle of the ocean. I should think it would have occurred to them that they're in danger and that they've got to get out somehow. I think something's gone wrong."

"So what do we do?"

"I say we go to Calvin's house and see if there's anything there we can use to find him."

"Agreed," said Andy, scooping his hamster up and placing him on his shoulder. "Come on, Socrates. Let's motor."

"Fine," Socrates grumbled, following them to the door. "But don't think for a second when we rescue their sorry butts that I'm going to make eye contact with them. I am _still_ irritated with them for not inviting me."

"Whatever," Sherman muttered.

* * *

The Mobile Lab was similar to the lab back in Yellowstone, but it was a bit more rundown and carried only the bare essentials for actual lab work. Fortunately, the bare essentials were all that Dr. Brainstorm needed to complete work on the boat he needed.

Well, not exactly. He actually had to send Jack to a nearby scrapyard to gather up some decent sections of metal for him to weld together. The robot was constantly coming and going, swiping huge sections of metal and anything else that might be right for the boat his deluded creator had in mind.

When he returned to the lab with the latest load of metal, he found the hull in the small garage they had to build things in. It wasn't as spacious as the one back home, but it was big enough for one really big boat.

Unfortunately, there wasn't a very big boat sitting there yet. Brainstorm had managed to complete basis for the hull, but he had to change the design to something less elaborate every few minutes. He was yelling and cursing in fury as he slammed bits of metal together in frustration, trying to get everything to stay in place.

Jack unloaded the latest collection of materials in the pile with the rest and surveyed the little progress that had been made. "Hmmm…," he murmured, eyeing the contraption as it was. "But is it art?"

Dr. Brainstorm let out an angry yell and threw his hammer across the room. "This is taking too long!" he shouted. "I've been at this for hours, and this is going nowhere! I've had to get rid of the laser cannons for the bow, and I've had to forgo the automatic harpoon guns for the port and starboard, and I've had to replace the giant claws for the roof with a bell! This boat is terrible!"

Jack shrugged. "Well,_ I_ wasn't going to say it…"

Dr. Brainstorm kicked the ship with frustration. "That does it! I'll never catch Calvin at this rate! I've got nothing! Nothing!"

There was a long silence as Dr. Brainstorm leaned against the hull of the almost-boat in dismay.

Jack felt a little funny watching his creator break down like that. It felt like guilt. He never enjoyed feeling guilty when Dr. Brainstorm's schemes and plans went wrong. Usually, he didn't. Usually he was able to take small amounts of amusement when his plans went awry, usually because he had brought it on himself in some way. But that usually happened when the plan was already well underway, and he knew that the mad scientist would take satisfaction in having made it that far in his plan and simply move onto the next one. In this scenario, he hadn't even gotten his latest scheme off the ground, or into the water, in this case.

So he decided to say something uplifting.

"Oh, you idiot…"

Dr. Brainstorm looked up incredulously. "… What?"

"You've got me, you rube," Jack replied, and he held up his index finger.

His index finger began to glow bright yellow, and in an instant, a bright yellow stream erupted out of his finger and swarmed around the lumps of metal like lightning bugs.

Dr. Brainstorm backed away in amazement. "Jack…? What have you done?"

"Gave the nanobots in my self-repair system a new order – build a boat," Jack replied.

In a golden swarm, the nanobots began to haul the pieces of metal the robot had gathered into the air, slamming them all together in a flurry. Bit by bit, piece by piece, the boat began to take form, towering over them. In fact, in only thirty seconds, it was more than a boat – it was a _ship_!

It took a moment for Dr. Brainstorm to really register what was happening, and when he did, he began to laugh gleefully. Not his over-dramatic evil laugh, but a genuine laugh of joy. He jumped up and down and clapped his hands as his ship neared completion in under a minute.

As the fantastic light show began to dissolve, the ship stood tall and proudly before them. It looked a little lashed-together, but otherwise, it looked genuinely sea-worthy.

The golden glow of the nanobots swirled through the air one last time before returning to Jack's awaiting index finger, where he reabsorbed them into his body.

"Oh excellent!" Dr. Brainstorm cried. "_Excellent_! Well done, Jack! That's _definitely_ going in my report!"

Jack smirked. "Glad to help, Frank. Can we get this thing going now?"

"Yes, yes, all aboard! Let's get it out the door and into the water! We'll need to bring the rocket with us in lieu of a lifeboat… Oh! And it's _**DR. BRAINSTORM!**_"

* * *

Andy, Sherman and Socrates arrived at Calvin's house. The door was still open from when Dr. Brainstorm had broken in the day before, so they just walked right in.

"Make a note, Shermie. We need to fix that lock before this is all over," Andy said.

Sherman just nodded uninterestedly.

They ran upstairs and hurried down the hall to Calvin's room. They found the door still open and a few things knocked over, but their eyes locked onto one item in particular that made them stop in their tracks.

Calvin's Hypercube was still sitting on the desk.

Andy found his voice. "You don't suppose Calvin forgot the MTM in there, do you?" he asked.

"It does seem like a very real possibility," Sherman said.

"Only one way to find out," Socrates said. He walked passed them and plucked the Hypercube off the desk. He reached inside and felt around the empty dimension for anything in particular that might be the MTM.

Finally, he wrapped his fingers around one item in particular and pulled it out.

It was a calculator.

"Nope, that's not it," he said, tossing it over his shoulder and jamming his paw back inside. He dug around a little more and pulled out…

… a slinky.

"Nope, that's not it either,' he said, tossing it aside and reaching inside again.

Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes.

Socrates then pulled out a jar of vitamins. "One-a-Day Vitamins? What's Calvin doing with a jar of One-a-Day Vitamins?"

"Oh, give me that!" Andy snapped, snatching it away from him. He looked into the Hypercube. "MTM? Are you in there? Can you hear me?"

"Oh, finally!" a voice shouted. "Over here!"

Andy squinted into the swirling void of objects inside the cube before he finally saw a red-and-white CD player with robotic arms waving at him. Timing it just right, he reached inside and grasped onto one of the hands, pulling their favorite time-travelling CD player out of the cube.

"Ahhh!" MTM exclaimed. "Much better! Nice to get a bit of air…"

"MTM, Calvin just forgot you before his trip?" Andy asked.

"It would appear so. His dad is a bit of a nut when it comes to miserable camping trips. He probably rushed him."

"Well, he's paying for it now," Sherman announced. "There are news reports going on that Calvin's stranded on a cruise ship in the middle of the Pacific Ocean."

"Is he? Oh well, no matter. I'll just teleport over to him and rescue him. Won't be a tic," MTM replied smoothly.

They just stood there for a few seconds, staring at the CD player in Andy's hands. Five seconds passed before they realize something odd was happening. He wasn't going anywhere.

Socrates felt like an idiot for asking this, but he asked it anyway. "Have you… Have you done it yet?"

"No, I haven't done it yet!" MTM snapped. "There seems to be a problem."

"What sort of problem?" Andy asked.

"I can't seem to locate Calvin or Hobbes anywhere. It's almost like they've vanished off the face of the Earth."

"How is that possible?" Sherman demanded.

"I don't know… I'm beginning to get a bit suspicious…"

"So what do we do now?" Socrates asked.

"We still need to find Calvin and Hobbes somehow," Andy said, thinking hard. "Maybe we can travel to the last known place they were and work from there."

"Sounds like a good plan to me," Sherman agreed. "How about it, MTM?"

"I'm on it. Trying to pinpoint just where that was… Got it! The dockside on the Oregon Coast."

Socrates grabbed the Hypercube. "Right then – let's be off!"

And no sooner had he spoke than they were all engulfed in a familiar field of blue electricity as they were teleported out of the room.

* * *

Dr. Brainstorm stood proudly at the helm of his new boat with Jack by his side. They hadn't left the lab yet, but they had managed to place the boat in the canal that would take them to the ocean.

"All set, Jack?" he asked with authority.

"Check," Jack responded, sitting down on a lawn chair with a magazine.

"Excellent! Then let's go!"

And with his usual dramatic flair, he slammed a lever on the control panel.

Instantaneously, sunlight poured into the room, and the water level began to rise rather rapidly.

Undeterred, Dr. Brainstorm pushed some buttons and pulled on the steering column. With a roar, the ship's engine started up, and they suddenly found themselves being propelled down the canal and toward the light at the end of the tunnel.

The end of the tunnel opened up into the water in the harbor. With a rumble and a roar, their ship burst into the open air, and it whizzed at full speed towards the ocean ahead.

"SUCCESS!" Dr. Brainstorm bellowed. "We'll find that brat if it's the last thing we ever do!"

"Mm-hmmm," Jack replied, not looking up from his magazine.


	8. Paradise Gone Wrong

The deepest reaches of space contain loads of galaxies, all containing their own planets and star systems, loaded with all sorts of weird and incredibly strange life forms all milling about in their everyday lives. Many of them had no conception of the human race's existence, nor we of theirs. There were billions of incredible creatures with different gene pools and bodily masses that all were floating about on these planets with different atmospheres and minerals and resources.

Of course, eventually humanity would become aware of these various planets that harbored life, mainly due to the fact that they were getting invaded very frequently, and it was only by the seat of their pants that they had survived this long without being completely wiped out. Governments now knew that it was important to get to work on helping their race to survive and thrive in an ever-active universe, and by doing that, they had to get out there and find out what existed.

They set up the Spaceman Academy, and their top operatives were flung out in flying saucers to find out what lurked in the deepest reaches of the aforementioned space.

One of these Spacemen was known only as Spiff.

Spiff was the youngest of the Spacemen, but he had already proven to be the most prolific, having been to more planets and interacted with more creatures than any of his space-faring colleagues. He was constantly on the move, almost always getting himself captured by evil creatures of space, all wanting to get information out of him and find out more about this pitiful race known as "humanity", but Spiff was the best of the best, and he always got out alive. It took a rather large amount of cunning and ingenuity on his part, but he always pulled through in the clutch.

Right now, he really needed to do a bit of "pulling through."

At this present moment, he was being chased by the most dangerous-looking creatures he had ever seen. As he activated the afterburners on his one-man craft, he contemplated his internal dialogue.

_Our hero, the intrepid Spaceman Spiff, finds himself being pursued once again by the hideously-deformed Zogamins! The evil creatures have subjected themselves and their people to years and years of harmful radiation from their factories. They've been mass-producing horrible nuclear weapons for centuries now, and the people of this world have become disfigured as a result. The once proud and noble race has fallen to a nauseating illness. _

_Spiff, of course, brought down the factories and halted production of these weapons immediately, freeing the planet from the radiation poisoning that has plagued them for so long. Unfortunately, the Zogamin government isn't too pleased with that. They _liked _the effects the radiation had on their people – it made them docile and easy to control. Spiff has stirred up a revolution!_

_And now they're hungry for his blood._

_Spiff escapes the deadly aliens and their home planet, but one more battle cruiser is on his tail! Spiff must give his ship every bit of power he can to get away!_

Spiff twisted the joystick left and swerved out of the path of the battle cruiser's laser beam, which sliced through the space behind him. He aimed for a planet far below him and prepared to let its gravity pull his ship down even faster.

_Spiff spies a planet in the vicinity. He gets an idea. With a little luck, the battle cruiser is bigger and lacks maneuverability. Our hero goes into a death plunge, heading straight for the green rocks below._

Spiff's windshield became smeared with flames as he raced through the atmosphere at top speed, and he was thankful his heat shields were holding up. He gritted his teeth as he fought to maintain control over his ship. He watched in silent determination and wonder as purple clouds went rushing past him, and he watched with dizzying excitement as he raced faster and faster towards the ground.

He checked his rearview mirror. The battle cruiser was still chasing after him.

The ground came closer…

And closer…

_And closer…_

_And cl-l-l-l-l-o-o-o-o-o-s-s-s-s-s-e-e-e-e-r-r-r-r…_

Spiff pulls on the joystick as hard as he could.

Just _inches _from crashing into the alien world, his ship suddenly righted itself, and he found himself racing back out of the planet's atmosphere and back into space.

The battle cruiser couldn't react fast enough, and its bulky-bulkhead crashed into the green canyon in a huge orange and yellow fireball, which Spiff saw in the rearview mirror, as well in the reflection of the glass dome he sat under.

He laughed triumphantly.

_Our hero makes a thrilling escape! The aliens are destroyed! Spiff races off into the universe to enjoy further adventures and - !_

He was cut off when he realized his computer was beeping at him. Irritated, he pressed a button that would tell him what the hubbub was. His heart sank when he saw what it was.

_Zounds! Our hero's ship is out of control! All that momentum is still sending him out into the deep void of space! To make matters worse, there's an asteroid in the distance! It's directly in Spiff's flight path, and there isn't enough time to take evasive action! This could be the end!_

Spiff did the only thing he could do in a time like this – he screamed in blind terror.

And he was still screaming when he felt his hands leaving a rope, and he went flying through the air, landing on a plaster model of the sun that hung from a strong cable. He swung back and forth for a few moments before his weight finally took effect and gravity lowered the sun down to the floor of the theater.

Calvin opened his eyes and looked around, sizing up the situation.

He was no longer in the deepest reaches of space. He was back on the cruise ship, and he was in the theater where a play had been meant to go on. He'd been playing around on the gangways above the stage, and he'd accidentally fallen off. He'd grabbed a rope as he fell, and he'd swung across the stage.

But he was undeterred. He threw his arms up in the air and cheered. "Once again, Spiff beats all the odds and saves the day!"

Pleased with himself, he climbed down and walked out of the theater. He rubbed his growling stomach.

"Boy, I'm starved. I think I'll find Hobbes and have an early lunch."

* * *

When he arrived at one of the restaurants, he could smell something nice coming from inside. He wandered around the tables for a bit and headed into the kitchen, following the pleasant aroma. He looked around for the source for a bit before he found it.

Hobbes was standing on a stool at one of the stoves, going through one of the many cookbooks that lay scattered around him. He was wearing a poofy white chef's hat and an apron that read, "Kiss the Cook!" He'd crossed the word 'cook' and written the word 'Tiger' in black crayon.

"What're you making today?" Calvin asked, walking over to him.

"Lasagna, I hope," Hobbes replied, going through the cook book.

"I didn't know you could make lasagna."

"Neither did I. But I found all these cook books down in the library, and _somebody's _got to do the cooking around here if we want to eat any of this stuff."

"As long as it's not Mom, I'm fine with it. Anything to get away from her eggplant casserole."

"Too true. Now then… I've chopped the onions, made the sauce and laid out the noodles, so now I just need to cook for half an hour at four hundred degrees…," Hobbes said, going through the book.

He grabbed the pan full of cheese and noodles and chucked into the stove, which he set for the appropriate settings.

"Half an hour?" Calvin moaned. "Man, I was hoping for something _now_! I'm _hungry_!"

"I thought you might be," Hobbes replied. "That's why I made another pan of lasagna half an hour ago. It's cooling on the counter. Help yourself."

Calvin looked up onto the counter and realized the smell he'd been following had been from the cooling pan up there. Grinning, he climbed up onto another stool and took a big whiff of it.

"Mmmm," he said. "If only Mom would cook _this _more often, I'd be more willing to eat her slop."

"Here," Hobbes said, passing him a cloth napkin, knife and fork. "Tuck in. It's got to last us until dinner."

"Aren't you going to have any?" Calvin asked, tucking the napkin under his chin.

"The second one is mine. Don't worry. There's cold soda in the fridge back there."

Calvin grinned, grabbed the pan and took it down with him to the fridge. He pulled out two cans of pop and sat down on the floor, eating the pan of lasagna all by himself.

"What're you going to do while you're waiting for yours?" he asked between bites.

"I've already got some cans of tuna to munch on," Hobbes replied, pointing to the corner of the kitchen. "I'm good."

Calvin stared at what his friend was pointing at. It was a mountain of at least fifty cans of tuna. "You're going to eat all of that in half an hour?"

"Sure? What's so odd about that?" Hobbes asked.

"It seems like a lot."

"That's kind of the point."

Calvin finally just shrugged and continued eating the dish before him.

* * *

Hours later, the two friends were lying down on a pair of massage couches. They were getting some very gentle backrubs while they were lounging in front of their favorite cartoons, which were currently playing on a massively huge big-screen TV.

Calvin patted his overstuffed stomach. "Ahhh…," he sighed. "Nothing like a bit of relaxation after a big lunch."

Hobbes was just barely awake at this point. He'd managed to eat all the tuna and lasagna he'd prepared for himself, and he was just about to nod off. "Now for a nice round of digestion," he agreed, massaging his own belly.

"By the way, what's for dinner?"

"I was thinking something from the Chinese cookbook. Something with noodles. I like a good noodle."

"Yeah, noodles are good."

"And for dessert, I thought I'd take a stab at making some chocolate pie. A really thick creamy one with fudge and whipped cream that looked good…"

"Stop… You're making me hungry again."

With a hefty grunt, Calvin just managed to reach into a bowl that was normally used for complimentary peanuts, but Hobbes had eaten those yesterday, so Calvin had poured a box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs into it instead. He popped a few into his mouth and enjoyed himself greatly.

"Mmmm," he moaned. "Good stuff."

* * *

That night, they reclined out on the deck, looking up into the far reaches of space from their deck chairs, which at this point were sagging beneath their weight.

Hobbes' Chinese dinner had been a big hit, and the pie had been devoured in one-tenth of the time it took to make it, so they'd made a second one and eaten it as well.

Calvin heaved a contented sigh. "Ooh," he sighed, patting his stomach. "I can't even move."

"Me neither," Hobbes grunted, who was just barely able to sit up. "Only one thing to do about it."

"What's that?"

"Pass that pizza we brought up."

Calvin slid the box over in his direction.

Hobbes grabbed three slices from it and shoved them all into his mouth, just barely chewing them before swallowing.

Calvin sighed to himself. "I suppose there are more advantages to being a tiger right now."

"Not that I disagree, but in what context?"

"Well, I imagine not having to wear pants is coming in handy right now."

"Oh! Yeah, it's pretty relaxing."

They sat in silence for a long time, listening to the water lapping up against the side of the ship.

"… Do you ever wonder what else is out there?" Calvin asked quietly.

Hobbes blinked. "Oh, sure," he replied at last. "I wonder about life on other planets. I mean, we've met our fair share, but there's got to be more."

"Definitely. I mean, you have all those planets revolving around suns, and all those suns revolving around in a galaxy, and all those galaxies revolving around each other… We're just tiny little specks in a vast, unfeeling, uncaring cosmos…"

"Do you believe in heaven?"

"… Didn't I ask you that once?"

"Did you?"

"I seem to recall your answer being that we all eventually go on to play saxophone for an all-girl cabaret in New Orleans."

"… Oh! Yeah, I did say that, didn't I?"

"I also seem to recall at one point you said we all go to Pittsburgh when we die."

"Well, I was so much younger then…"

"Sometimes, I can't help but wonder… What if we're already dead?"

"Say what?"

"Well, think about it. Suppose we died and this is the afterlife."

Hobbes thought about it for a moment. "Well, I guess it isn't _terrible_…"

"Maybe we're just slowly moving from one plane of existence to another and we just don't know it. Maybe this is just the latest level of a really tall building, and we're trying to find our way to the stairwell or the elevator to get to the next floor, and the only way we can do that is by living on _this_ floor until we die."

"Wow… That was surprisingly deep…"

"Well, I'm in the midst of a food coma. What did you expect?"

"Yeah… Speaking of which, I'm going to conk out and snooze for about three days…"

"Sounds like a hoot. I think I'll join you."

And the two friends felt their eyelids slowly lower over their pupils, and soon they were falling asleep.

Unfortunately, before they had completely nodded off, they felt a slight tremor underneath them. It was as if the floor had suddenly decided to vibrate for the heck of it. They were both jolted awake again, and they sat up and looked around groggily.

"What was that…?" Hobbes mumbled, trying to brush the newly-formed cobwebs out of his eyes.

"Felt like something bumped into the ship," Calvin said quietly, struggling to sit up.

"What could've bumped into a ship hard enough that we could feel it?"

"A New York City taxi?"

"I don't think Time Square is anywhere out here."

"Hang on. I'll have a look."

"For Time Square?"

"For what it was that hit us!"

"Oh, good, that makes more sense."

Calvin heaved himself up out of his chair and shuffled awkwardly and sleepily towards the railing. He leaned against it and looked down at the water below, which had turned black due to a lack of blue sky. He felt the massive contents of his stomach lurch slightly – it was a long way down.

"See anything?" Hobbes called over.

"Nothing. Not even my reflection. Maybe it was a floating rock or something?"

"I didn't know rocks had any buoyancy in them…"

"Okay, so maybe I'm wrong. Whatever. I'm sure it was harmless. Now come on. Maybe we should be making tracks for the living quarters. I think I'd prefer a proper bed tonight."

"Agreed," Hobbes said, heaving himself up onto his feet. "Let's go."

They were just turning to leave when they were jolted off their feet by yet another hard metallic thump that tipped the ship to the side. They rolled over across the wooden floor and hit the metal wall behind them, along with various tables and deckchairs.

"Okay, that was definitely something that time," Hobbes moaned, getting to his feet and clutching his stomach. "All my contents shifted that time."

Calvin got to his feet as well and once again headed for the railing, looking nervously over the side.

This time he saw something. It was almost imperceptible in the dark, but it was definitely there.

There was a small trail of bubbles disappearing into the side of the ship.

"_Tiny_ _bubbles_…," he sang quietly.

"What? What about bubbles?" Hobbes asked worriedly.

Calvin turned around with fear in his eyes. "Now, Hobbes, I don't want you to panic."

Hobbes stared at him, not noticing that the fur on his tail had just involuntarily puffed up. "If you didn't want me to panic, you shouldn't have told me not to panic. 'I don't want you to panic' is one of the most transparent ways possible of saying, 'There's something to panic about going on but never mind'!"

Calvin rubbed his eyes with frustration and continued. "Hobbes – I think there's something trying to get into the boat."

Before Hobbes could reply, there was another jolt, and both of them went tumbling back to the floor, lying in a heap.

After a moment of uncertain silence, Calvin managed to say, "Check that – I'm _certain _that there's something trying to get into the boat."

"Something powerful, by the feel of it," Hobbes remarked, rubbing his sore backside. "Is it trying to get in through the hull?"

"Maybe it thinks it can. Maybe it's just a really stupid fish."

"So what do we do?"

"I don't know. I think we need to figure out what it is first."

"And how do we do that?"

Suddenly, there was another sharp jolt, and Hobbes fell forward, and Calvin fell onto his back. The ship rocked momentarily before settling once again.

"I have a weird feeling it's going to find us first," Calvin said at last, sitting up.

"Why's that?"

"That jolt came from the other side of the ship this time."

Hobbes stared, and then he realized that he and Calvin had fallen in opposite directions this time. "How'd it get to the other side of the ship so fast?"

"We're in the ocean, Hobbes. It went _under _us."

"Ah-ha. That was a stupid question, wasn't it?"

"Just a bit."

They got back onto their feet and looked around a bit. They waited for ten seconds for something to happen.

The ship wasn't jolted again. They remained perfectly still in the water.

"So now what?" Hobbes asked.

"Let's go around to the other side and see what's there."

It took them ten minutes to make it to the other side of the ship, but when they got there, they were brought up short by what they saw. In the dim light of the bulb hanging from the ceiling over the deck, they saw a puddle of water had somehow formed on the floor. They approached it slowly, as if the puddle of water was about to reach out and eat them.

They stared at their reflections in the puddle, not sure what to do about it.

"… I think whatever it was that wanted to get aboard has gotten aboard," Hobbes said at last, dread laden in his voice.

"I think you're right," Calvin said, looking ahead of them. "Look – there's a trail."

Hobbes saw that his friend was right. There was a trail of wet footprints heading down the deck. He examined them closely.

"What do you think it is?" Calvin asked quietly.

"Not sure," Hobbes replied, studying the prints carefully. "At first glance, I'd say human, but I'm not entirely certain about that."

"You think someone's come to rescue us?"

"I don't think so… I think we're dealing with something a little less helpful than a rescue team."

"You don't think that perhaps a very friendly scuba-diver just happened upon this place?"

"Nope."

"Drat. I've always wanted to meet a scuba-diver."

Hobbes sniffed the wet footprints gingerly. "There's a metallic scent to them."

"What's that mean? He's wearing metal shoes?"

"Or he's not human. Maybe it's something else…"

They stood in silence for a moment.

"So what do we do now?" Hobbes asked at last.

Calvin looked down the deck at the trail of water. He scanned the area, and his eyes eventually landed on the deck umbrella in one of the tables, and a nearby towel rack that hung from the wall.

"Only one thing for it," he said at last. "We arm ourselves and investigate."

Calvin climbed up into a chair to get the towel rack down, and Hobbes lifted the umbrella out of the table and pulled it shut, wielding it like a heavy sword.

Nodding nervously to each other, they made their way quietly up the deck, following the trail.

"I feel like we should set up a 'wet floor' sign," Hobbes muttered.

The trail led them into the ship, and it took them down a corridor, down three flights of stairs, and onto the recreational deck.

By the time they were close to the movie theater, they found that the trail had finally dried up and ended. They wandered blindly in the brightly-lit lobby for a few moments, with the only sounds being their footsteps on the marble floor. They walked back-to-back, keeping vigil in all directions.

"I wonder if it's still here," Hobbes said quietly.

"I don't know," Calvin whispered back. "Maybe we need to search around the – "

"Wait! There!" Hobbes suddenly shouted, pointing in one direction.

Calvin whirled around to look, and he saw that a door that hadn't been open before was suddenly _wide _open, and he caught the tail end of something running inside.

They stood in shock for a moment before regaining mobility in their legs, and they sprinted over towards the door. They stuck their heads inside, finding that whatever it was, it had run into the bowling alley, and they were just in time to see whoever it was running into the darkest shadows.

"So what do we do?" Hobbes demanded frantically.

Calvin looked around for a moment before he came to a decision. "Close the door. Lock it. Barricade it. We'll trap whoever it is inside."

They hauled the heavy doors shut and put the locks on it. They immediately got loads of random furniture and began heaving it all in front of the door, from leather chairs to potted plants, wedging them all together until they were certain the door couldn't be opened.

"Are we sure this is a good idea?" Hobbes asked, panting from the exertion.

"I should think so," Calvin replied, wiping his brow with his shirt. "This is the only way out of there."

"So what do we do with it?"

"Well, we can either form a strategic battle plan, go in there, find it and don't stop until we've killed it, or we just not bowl anymore. Personally, I'm in favor of the latter."

"Sounds good to me. Bowling's not even really a sport anyway."

Calvin blinked. "How do you figure?"

"If you can comfortably eat cheese nachos and drink beer while you play, it's not really a sport."

Calvin mulled that over for a moment before sitting down in one of the chairs they'd moved. He leaned back in it, lost in thought. "How'd we go from living on a floating paradise to living on a floating nightmare in just under half an hour?"

"We've always been good at time management," Hobbes replied with a shrug.

They stayed there in silence for a long time.

Finally, Calvin looked up over his shoulder at the door. "They're quiet, whoever they are."

"Yeah… I wonder if we should be worried about that."

Calvin looked up again at the door lock. Finally, he just shook his head. "I can't stand waiting. Come on, let's get it open and check on him."

Hobbes looked hesitant, but he nevertheless began pushing the furniture aside.

Calvin unlocked the door and hesitantly pushed it open.

"Stand by with the sofa," he whispered.

Hobbes nodded, putting his paws against the red leather couch in question.

Calvin slowly poked his head though the door. He felt his heart do a backflip in his chest as he turned and faced his friend again, fear etched all over his face.

"Well?" Hobbes asked worriedly. "What's it like in there?"

"Empty," Calvin replied.

"You mean he's hiding somewhere?"

"No, I mean it's literally empty. Take a look."

Hobbes cautiously came around and poked his head through the door.

At first, all he saw was the dimly-lit bowling alley, which looked rather intimidating in the dark. His feline eyes scanned the entire room, trying to pinpoint what it was that had set Calvin on edge. It took him a few seconds, but he finally saw what it was.

An air vent was hanging open on the ceiling.

He slowly withdrew back into the lobby with Calvin, trembling slightly.

"Okay…," he said at last. "So it can climb up onto the ceiling, unscrew an air grate and climb through the ductwork of a cruise ship. Is it okay to panic yet?"

Calvin nodded quickly. "I'd say so."

"Might I make a proposal?"

"Please."

"Let's grab whatever supplies we need and hide in our bedroom tonight."

"Sounds good. When we get there, how about I start setting up some elaborate traps so whatever it is can't get us."

"Around the doors and air ducts?"

"Yep."

"Excellent. Shall we run?"

"How about we just walk really fast? I'm still a little full."

"Very well then."

And as fast as they could, they hurried out of the lobby.


	9. Under the Sea

The Oregon Harbor was full of police officers in squad cars, combing the area just in case Calvin and Hobbes were anywhere in town, but their searches were proving fruitless. The Coast Guard had sent patrol boats all over the harbor, trying to find the cruise ship, but those searches were just as fruitless. Search and Rescue had sent helicopters out over the ocean, but there was simply no sign of the ship anywhere. Everyone was so busy that nobody had much time to notice anything that might have been of particular interest.

That meant that they didn't notice an eight-year-old boy with a tiger and a hamster wandering around the port with a CD player, waving it around like a metal detector.

"Got anything yet, MTM?" Andy asked hopefully.

"Not a sausage," MTM replied despondently.

"Man," Socrates moaned. "We've been out here for hours. How long can it possibly take you to find a simple cruise ship? I mean, when you consider the size of the universe and its sheer vastness, finding a boat on _one planet _should be pretty straightforward."

Sherman sighed. "There's got to be something we're missing," he said quietly. "Something small… Almost imperceptible…"

MTM mulled this over for a moment. "Wait a minute…," he said. "Maybe that's how we can find them."

"How's that?" Andy asked.

"Well, I've been searching all this time for a massive cruise ship… Maybe I need to search for something smaller… How could a massive cruise ship be moved such a vast distance in under a minute?"

"Somebody pinched space?" Socrates asked.

"No."

"It fell into another dimension?"

"I shouldn't think so…"

"It is right here, but it's actually invisible?"

"Socrates…," Andy said warningly.

"Teleportation maybe?" Sherman suggested.

"Sounds likely enough… And whenever something gets teleported, there's always something in the air. Teleportation particles continue to linger in the spot from which the object was transported. It's striking me as very likely that those minuscule molecules are floating around the area where the ship was located."

"Then… we should scan for those?" Andy asked.

"Bingo!"

"Then maybe we should… start scanning for those?" Socrates asked slowly.

"On it. Andy, aim me in the direction of the dock where all those people are standing around. I think that's the spot."

Andy saw the huge crowd of people that were all searching up and down the empty spot in the harbor, and he aimed the CD player in that direction.

"Okay…," MTM said quietly. "Processing… Processing… _Processing_… Found 'em!"

"The particles are still there?" Sherman asked eagerly.

"Fading, but there's still enough to lock onto… Yep! Just as I thought! There's an ion trail leading away from the dock and out to sea."

"Is the boat at the other end?" Socrates asked.

"I can't tell… For some reason, my sensors aren't reaching that far. I'll have to ask Calvin to look into that when we find him again."

"Then let's follow the trail," Andy decided. "Can you teleport us over there?"

"I don't know what's at the other end," MTM replied. "I can't pick up the cruise liner. I don't know if it's there, or if you'd just fall in the ocean. We'll need to travel out there ourselves."

"Well then, it looks like we'll need transport," Socrates said with a grin. He reached into the Hypercube, dug around for a few seconds, and he pulled out a familiar cardboard box, setting it down on the ground.

"Alright!" Andy cheered, climbing inside.

Socrates climbed into the back.

They both sat there for a few moments.

"Well, come on!" Socrates said at last. "Take off!"

Andy sat in silence for a second before he realized that Socrates was talking to _him_. "Oh!" he said. "Er… I don't… Uh…"

Sherman looked between them uncertainly. "Do any of us actually know how to fly this thing?" he asked worriedly.

"_I _don't," Socrates said, crossing his arms.

"I don't think so," Andy said indecisively.

"He's never shown me," MTM added.

"Can't you do something to make the box work?" Sherman asked the CD player.

"Like what?"

"I don't know! Can't you calibrate some sort of anti-gravity device that could at least get us off the ground?"

"What, right this second?"

Andy sighed and looked at all the buttons before him. Actually, the buttons were all drawn on in black marker, with smatterings of blue, red and green markers to signify different gauges and settings.

"How's he usually made it work? Does anyone know?" he asked.

"I think he usually just gets in, presses a button and it starts floating," Sherman said.

"I'm usually texting while he's doing that," Socrates admitted.

"Oh well," Andy sighed. "Looks like we'll have to do this the difficult way."

"What way's that?"

Andy stabbed on of the buttons with his finger.

The box suddenly started vibrating fiercely. The four occupants were shaken around violently.

"What's happening?" Sherman asked.

"I think that was the massage option," MTM said.

"He thinks of everything," Socrates remarked.

"Okay, let's try another one," Andy said, frantically pressing another button.

The box stopped vibrating, and then it started to emit a very loud siren that resembled the sound of a car alarm.

They all plugged their ears frantically.

"What now?" Sherman demanded.

"Anti-theft device!" MTM shouted.

"What?!" Socrates yelled.

Andy quickly pressed another button.

The alarm stopped, and then there was a weird rumbling noise from underneath them.

"What in the name of heaven is _that_?" Sherman asked.

"It's not a thermonuclear weapon, is it?" Socrates asked worriedly.

"I… _think_ that was the sound of the engine starting up," MTM said.

Suddenly, the box jolted a bit, and the quartet abruptly found themselves rising slowly into the air.

"Hey, I think we did it!" Andy cheered.

"Finally! We're making progress," Sherman sighed with relief.

Socrates looked down at the ground that was still sinking further away from them. "Okay, I think we've got it," he said nervously. "Let's not go so high."

Andy realized that they were still slowly elevating high above the harbor. "Whoa!" he exclaimed, leaning forward on the edge of the box. "How do we move forward?"

"I think there's a certain gear you have to shift to first," MTM supplied.

Andy looked nervously around the buttons. Finally, he shrugged and just pressed one.

In an instant, the rumbling stopped, and they hung in the air for a moment.

Then, with no warning whatsoever, they started plummeting all the way back down to the ground.

"Do something!" Socrates hollered.

"Press another button!" Sherman screamed, hanging onto Andy's shoulder.

Andy closed his eyes and pressed the previous button again.

The rumbling started up, and just seconds before they hit the ground, they slowed down and stopped before shakily moving back into the air.

"Oh, good," Socrates sighed. "I'll take going slowly up over plummeting quickly down any day."

"At least until we run out of atmosphere," Sherman remarked, looking up at the clouds.

"That's right. Think positive…"

Andy shook his head. "Okay, maybe we should draw a big 'X' over that one… Okay, let's see…," he said quietly, pressing another button.

There was a jolt. The rumbling stopped.

Thankfully, this time they didn't fall.

"Okay, now what?" Socrates asked.

Andy thought for a moment, and then experimentally, he leaned forward in the box like he saw Calvin usually do, grasping the front edge.

The box slowly began to putter forwards.

"Hey, we did it!" Andy cheered. "I think we're going to be okay!"

"Sweet!" Socrates exulted. "Now how about we make tracks?"

"Which way's the ion trail, MTM?" Sherman asked.

"Straight ahead," MTM replied. "I'll tell you when or where to turn."

"Then away we _go_!" Andy declared, and he leaned forward, sending the box zooming out to sea.

They raced along the ocean, heading straight for the horizon, which was absolutely blank. No ships were present at all. Just the sky and the water blended at an intimidating distance away from them.

"How could that ship just disappear?" Andy felt compelled to ask. "Wouldn't somebody _notice _if a gigantic cruise ship just up and vanished?"

"There must be more to it than meets the eye," Sherman replied quietly. "You have to consider the fact that the ship is huge. Even if you were several hundred feet in the air above it, you'd still be able to see it."

"So you think something is _keeping _us from seeing it?" Socrates asked.

"There must be…"

They all looked at each other warily for a moment as they considered the heavy implications. As they sailed off into the distance, they couldn't help but feel increasingly worried.

* * *

Calvin's parents were huddled together on a hotel bed together, arms wrapped around each other and trying to remain calm and fully functional while their only child was potentially lost out at sea.

The Search and Rescue Official who had been sent down to deal with the case was sitting in a chair opposite them, scribbling things down in a notebook. "Let's see…," he murmured. "Does your son have any known enemies?"

"No. None," Dad said flatly.

"Any mob connections?"

"No!"

"Any known aliases?"

"He's six-years-old!"

"I can't believe this is happening," Mom whimpered, clinging to her husband tightly. "How could he have even gotten on board in the first place?"

"Well, ma'am, we're not sure. We checked the street cameras for evidence. He definitely headed in the direction of the dock, but the strange thing is that there's a static blip on the footage, and he disappears immediately afterwards. Strangest thing…"

"But what about the crew on the ship?" Dad asked. "Surely there must've been a crew onboard, even if the ship was docked!"

"We're interrogating the ship's crew right now. So far, all have been accounted for. There may much to be learned from them."

"What about the ship? Doesn't anyone even know where it is?"

"Helicopters are flying over the Pacific as we speak, but they can't find it. It's not showing up on any radar at all. The ship seems to have vanished off the face of the Earth."

"What about Calvin? Can't you find _him_?"

"Ma'am, radar doesn't identify who people are. You'd need to have put a chip in his head in order to track him."

"Told you it would've been worth the money," Dad muttered.

Mom whacked him over the head. "Oh, stop it! This is _your _fault!"

"How is it my fault?! Calvin walked off all on his own!"

"You and your stupid obsession with the great outdoors! Look what it's caused!"

"Hey! That is _not _my fault! Maybe _you _should've been paying closer attention to him!"

"Why weren't _you_?!"

"Because! We were… arguing about… fruit…," Dad finished lamely.

They stared at each other for the longest time, as if they were slowly sizing each other up.

The Search and Rescue Officer cleared his throat awkwardly. "If you two need to be left alone for a moment to pull yourselves together, I'll be right outside."

They didn't respond. They just kept staring at each other.

The Official nodded and silently left the room.

As soon as he was gone, with the sound of the door clicking shut behind him, Mom started to sob, and she collapsed into her husband's arms.

* * *

The box soared across the sky, which was slowly turning orange as the sun began to set over the horizon. Andy, Sherman and Socrates had been flying in that direction for some considerable time.

Socrates was beginning to nod off in the back, with Sherman sound asleep on his furry chest. It had been several hours since they'd left port, and they were finding it very difficult to find flying in a straight line all that interesting.

Andy was leaning against the front of the box, feeling rather drowsy himself. He was well and truly struggling to keep his eyelids open, but he figured everything would be all right as long as they kept heading straight. The MTM hadn't said anything in a while, and since the boy didn't know anything about navigating a cardboard box over an ocean, he was forced to believe that all was well and that they'd eventually move on to whatever the next step of the plan was.

He was just beginning to doze off when he heard a sound that vaguely piqued his interest. Unfortunately, he was too tired to bother to look up. Whatever it was, it sounded like some sort of car horn. Not a serious car horn, mind you. It sounded more like a horn for a clown car. It was like a car horn that would alert an audience of spectators that a bunch of depressed people in makeup and stupid clothes were about to crawl out of a tiny little car and entertain them.

The question was why could Andy hear a clown car horn out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? In fact, why could he hear _multiple _clown car horns out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? And why did it sound as though they were all heading in _his _direction?

Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and looked ahead.

He found himself face-to-face with a flock of seagulls, all making that weird noise they make that strangely resembles a clown car horn.

Suddenly awake, Andy let out a yell of terror as he promptly ducked down behind the wall of the box. As he crouched and covered his head, the box began to rock back and forth, with lots of heavy thuds that shook the passengers around. MTM slid back and forth across the floor, and Socrates and Sherman were both rather rudely awaken as they found themselves dodging feathers and beaks as the flock angrily flew past, irritated at having their flight path blocked.

Before any of them could figure out what to do, the flock finally passed them completely, and they could see again. Unfortunately, this proved a bit of a moot point, as despite having clear vision of what was ahead, they soon saw that the _ocean itself_ was what was ahead. They were now doing a complete nosedive straight towards the water.

Andy and Socrates gripped the sides of the box for dear life, while Sherman clung to Socrates' right ear. All three were screaming at the tops of their respective lungs.

The box rocketed faster and faster towards the water, until finally, they met the surface with a loud splash, and they found themselves submerged in a matter of nanoseconds. For the longest moment, they were surrounded by salt water, unable to see the world around them, trapped in darkness.

Then, moments later, the sky reappeared, and they could breathe fresh air again. They were soaked to the bone, and the box was soggy, but they could see and hear and breathe again, so that was okay with them.

For a solid seven seconds, they floated in simple silence. They listened to the water rolling, the waves crashing and the absolute brain-numbing quietness.

Not one for silence, it was naturally Socrates who spoke first. "Anybody get the number of that truck?" he asked in a dazed sort of voice.

"… How are we floating?" Andy asked at last.

"I activated the box's floatation device remotely," MTM replied evenly, and when they all looked at him, they were surprised to find he wasn't even wet. "Special inflatable raft in the bottom of the box – Calvin installed it four months ago."

Sherman glanced over the edge of the box, and saw the bright orange floatation device that now enveloped the bottom of the box. They were bobbing up and down in the ocean rather steadily. "So now what happens?" he asked. "Can we go back up again?"

"We need to wait for the box to dry up first. We can't take off all soggy. It'd collapse in seconds," MTM explained.

"We have to wait for the cardboard to dry?" Andy exclaimed, suddenly very aware that he was trapped in a small cardboard box with a tiger, a hamster and a CD player. "That could take hours!"

"No, it won't. Calvin installed a special water siphon in the box's lining. He knew something like this would happen sooner or later. It works automatically."

Socrates looked around the box. "He's right! Look!" he exclaimed, rubbing his fingers along the edge of the flap on his left. When everyone turned to look, they saw that the soggy cardboard was already becoming dry and firm.

"How long before we're flight-worthy?" Sherman asked.

"I'd guesstimate about fifteen minutes," MTM replied. "Give or take?"

"'Give or take'?" Andy asked with a degree of disbelief. "You're supposed to be an all-knowing supercomputer. There shouldn't be any 'give or take' involved!"

"Well, nobody's perfect!"

"Can we travel at all? I mean, do you have an outboard motor or something?" Sherman asked.

"No, I'm afraid not. We've got to wait for the box to be dry enough to fly."

"When we find Calvin, then we'll tell him to make a note of that," Socrates said dismally, leaning back against his side disappointedly.

"And now we're all wet," Andy sighed. "My underwear's going to start riding up any second now."

"This is one of those moments where we take pride in not being human," Sherman remarked to Socrates.

"Couldn't agree more, Sherman," the tiger said with a grin, leaning back smugly. "Imagine being confined by the constrictions of clothing."

"Ironically, that might be a good slogan for a t-shirt," MTM felt like saying.

Andy glared at them all and crossed his arms, pouting like the eight-year-old you might have forgotten he was.

"All right, hang on," MTM sighed, and after a moment, he popped his lid open, and a long mechanical arm extended from it, and it had a fan on the end of it.

"What's that for?" Andy asked.

"Blow dryer – sit tight."

Suddenly, the fan came on, and Andy found himself being blasted with wind that was strong enough to pin him to the side of the box. He could feel the water sliding off of his body as he struggled to get his eyes open.

After ten seconds of this, it was finally over. He pried his eyes open and looked across at Sherman and Socrates, who were looking back at him and trying not to laugh.

"What?" he demanded.

"You've… got hat hair without wearing a hat," Sherman snickered.

MTM suddenly swapped the fan for a mirror, and showed Andy what he looked like. His face was very red, and his shaggy brown hair was forced backwards, almost as if it was frozen in that position.

Andy growled at the reflection and reached over the side into the sea water, running it through his hair to loosen it up.

As they continued to float for a few seconds more, however, their laughter was interrupted when something bumped against the side of the box, causing them to jolt to the side.

They all stared at each other, mildly horrified by what had just happened.

"… What was that?" Socrates asked worriedly.

"A nagging reminder that we really need to be back in the sky soon," Sherman replied.

"Not much longer now," MTM assured them. "Just another eleven minutes."

"MTM, I know in the grand scheme of things, eleven minutes is not a long time," Andy said patiently. "In fact, when compared to the time from here to eternity, eleven minutes is but a blip in the line of existence. Unfortunately, we currently find ourselves in a particularly perilous situation, and due to this sudden urgency, eleven minutes has suddenly become the _equivalent _to eternity."

Socrates glanced over the side of the box, and he was not entirely reassured by what appeared to be a large dark mass swimming underneath them. It moved with such eerie silence that one could be forgiven for not even knowing it was there.

"There's something underneath us," he said inanely.

"So what do we do?" Andy demanded.

"Well, for openers, we could try getting away from here very quickly," Sherman said flatly.

The giant mass below them was heading in the direction of the front of the box, and the small group of reluctant sailors saw that the surface of the water was churning and bubbling like crazy as it seemed grow steadily larger and larger.

"What do you think it is?" Andy asked.

"Maybe it's a whale," Sherman suggested.

"Maybe it's a submarine," Socrates added.

The water suddenly rose up and created a wave that caused them to go sailing neatly backwards a short distance. They let out some yelps as they watched the thingy break the surface of the ocean, and they were silenced immediately by what they saw.

Its skin was similar to that of a fish – covered in scales and some very large gills. It had a large bulbous head on a long thin neck that was the same width as its body, which was long and snake-like, but with some rather large fins. It had five huge yellow fish eyes that were looking off in all sorts of different directions, and yet there was no doubt in their minds that it could see them. It had a large mouth that was open slightly, revealing the front row of teeth, and they could just about make out the outline of a second row, with possibly more to follow. They could've handled all of this if it weren't for the fact this creature was probably the size of a small skyscraper, towering over them as water ran down its skin, reflecting in the setting sun. It made no noise – no growls or heavy breathing. It simply stared at them – not straight ahead, but enough that they knew what it wanted.

After the noise of the cascading water died down, they found their voices.

"SEA MONSTER!" they screamed.

The huge green sea monster promptly sank back down under the water, causing yet another series of waves to ripple out from its point of descent, sending the box once again bobbing up and down in the water.

"Where's it gone?" Socrates shouted, looking frantically over the edge.

"I see its outline!" Sherman exclaimed, watching the water closely, clinging frantically to the corner of the box. "It's gone underneath us!"

"We need to go! _Now_!" Andy shouted.

"Ten minutes," MTM replied.

"We don't _have _ten minutes!" Sherman wailed. "It's already coming back up!"

Andy snapped his fingers. "Quick! MTM! Use your fan!"

"Why? Are you wet again?"

"Just do it!"

MTM popped open his lid once again, and the large fan extended out.

Acting quickly, Andy grabbed the CD player and hung him out over the edge. Instinctively, MTM grabbed onto the rear of the box with his manipulator arms and grasped tightly. Realizing the plan, he activated the fan. With a loud roar, the blades started spinning, and once they connected with the water, they sped off across the water, and just in time.

The surface broke once again, and the jaws of the sea monster came up around the spot where they would've been if they hadn't been fast enough. The crashing of the waves alone was enough to add terror and tension to the experience for them.

To their excitement, however, they found that MTM's fan feature was strong enough to send them fairly quickly across the water, probably doing about fifty miles per hour – at least in the nautical equivalent. They were rocketing along like a little windup toy, zooming along, sending water cascading out from either side of the box.

"Whoo!" Socrates shouted, holding his hands up as if he were on a rollercoaster. "Cowabunga!"

Sherman was pressed against the rear of the box, digging his claws into the cardboard.

"Good news," MTM announced. "We're going fast enough to blast the water off of the box. The cardboard is drying out quicker now. We're already down to seven minutes before we can take off again."

Andy looked over his shoulder, and his stomach dropped momentarily as he saw the large green head was slowly gaining on them as it came closer and closer. Its gigantic mouth slowly began to open, taking on gallons of water in the process but apparently unaffected by it. The boy could now see that there were about four rows of teeth, each one more jagged and pointed than the previous ones.

"How much longer _now_?" Andy asked nervously.

"It's rapidly dropping," MTM replied. "At the moment, it's down to five… Now it's four point five…"

"It's getting closer!" Socrates wailed, tipping his head backwards and getting an upside-down view of the monster's upper-teeth.

"Well, I'm sorry! It's automatically built into the box! It can't take off until it's good and ready! Now it's more like three minutes… two point seven five…"

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Andy shouted furiously, and with that, he reached forward and proceeded to pull on the front edge of the box, lifting it up as much as he could, causing the back end to dip down further, causing the MTM's fan to go deeper, and this seemed to make them go faster.

"Two point five…," MTM continued. "Two minutes… One point nine eight…"

A large shadow would've been looming over them by now if they weren't heading west, which is the direction the sun was setting right now. The large jaws were beginning to close the gap between them and the box, which was still gaining speed, but not enough to completely outrun the sea monster.

Everyone looked up in time to see four rows of teeth coming down over them.

"We're not going to make it!" Socrates screamed.

"One point five…," MTM droned on.

It all happened so suddenly that they didn't notice at first. The huge mandible came down over them, finally casting that shadow that had been missing earlier, and the upper teeth connected with the lower teeth. There was no blood or guts or goriness of any sort – just clean and sterile destruction. They were gone in an instant, swallowed whole by the monster, which after finishing the horrible deed, dove back down under the surface, its long snake-like body trailing after it until the tail flicked up and vanished into the depths of its aquatic habitat.

A few seconds passed as the water settled and the noise died away. There were no bubbles or ripples of any sort. There was no indication that there had been anything there.

Then, for a split second, there was a burst of electricity that startled a passing seagull, causing it to molt momentarily before flying away in terror.

A moment after that, a huge ball of bright white electricity began flashing over the ocean, and the familiar cardboard box – now sans inflatable raft – burgeoned back into existence and shot through the sky, rocketing forwards before slowing down to a slightly more reasonable pace, with all four of its passengers safe and sound.

"Okay, its dry now," MTM announced, as if nothing had happened.

Andy, Sherman and Socrates were all clutching the sides of the box, trying to regain their sanity after being momentarily inside the jaws of a giant sea monster. They panted heavily, momentarily wondering if it would be unbecoming to be sick over the side, and after a moment, Andy decided he didn't care, so he leaned out over the edge and vomited into the ocean for a moment, the sight of which caused Socrates and Sherman to wince sympathetically, snapping out their own shock in the process.

Completing his business and wiping his mouth, Andy shakily turned back to the CD player on the floor of the box and fixed a wavering yet angry expression on it. "MTM – if you could've teleported us out of that situation from the get-go, _why didn't you do it _before _the sea monster got us?!_"

"You seemed more concerned with how long it was taking the box to dry out," MTM replied, apparently clueless to how terrifying the whole ordeal had been. "Was that wrong?"

Almost instinctively, Andy reached down and picked the CD player up, hurling it like a Frisbee at the ocean.

Socrates and Sherman stared at him in shock.

"Er, Andy…?" Sherman asked cautiously.

Andy held up a hand to silence the hamster. "Wait for it…," he said calmly.

There was a flash of electricity on the floor of the box, and the MTM reappeared right in front of them, undamaged. "Feeling better yet?" he asked calmly.

"Quite," Andy replied, running a hand through his messy brown hair to smooth it out. "Sorry about that, MTM."

"It's okay. Despite my lack of understanding of human emotions, I presume I was asking for it."

"Just a tad," Socrates said, sinking back to the floor of the box in relief.

"Shall we resume our journey?" Sherman asked, sitting in a corner and mopping his brow with a tiny handkerchief. "I doubt any of us are going to fall asleep again."

"True dat," Socrates agreed.

"How far away are we until the end of the trail, MTM?" Andy asked.

"Not much further now. I'm afraid we've still got a few hours to go," MTM replied.

"Well then, let's get comfortable," Andy sighed.

They all sat in their respective corners, this time keeping a good lookout from all directions.

All directions, that is, except beneath them.

Unknown to them, a black shape was following from close behind, keeping its distance, aware that its dinner had escaped him and prepared to follow it for several hours if need be.


	10. The Stranger Approaches

An entire week had gone by.

The sun rose on the seventh day over the cruise ship as it floated in the water, slightly drifting to the east as the current carried it around. Neither Calvin nor Hobbes had ever figured out how to operate the anchor to help them stay put. They were aware that if they could just stay in one spot, it would be easier for someone to find them. Unfortunately, they were unable to find the appropriate control to lower the twenty-ton anchor, so they found themselves in a continuous drift, hoping that the fact that the engines weren't running would be enough to keep the ship in one location.

On this particular day, the two friends slowly began to awaken in their chosen cabin. They had chosen one of the first class cabins, and they had at first enjoyed the king-sized beds with extra-soft mattress and fluffy pillows to sleep in, and Calvin had found baths to be more enjoyable when they were the size of a small lake, but after their terrorizing week at sea, they had found them difficult to appreciate now that they were constantly fearing for their lives.

On top of one of the two beds in the room was a large bunker that they'd fashioned out of the various pieces of furniture they'd found around the room and other rooms. They were snuggled up together under the blankets they'd buried themselves under. They reckoned that having several blankets to protect themselves with would be enough against the drone.

The alarm clock started blaring, indicating that it was eleven o'clock and that their fifteenth snooze setting had worn off. Hobbes reached over and pressed it, turning it off as he fought through the mental cobwebs into the land of the living, going into his usual series of cat stretches to getting himself going.

Calvin rolled over, smacking his tongue against the roof of his mouth in an effort to get rid of the unpleasant taste of night saliva. He climbed out of the blankets and checked over the side of the barricade. Upon seeing that Hobbes was still close by, he threw a glance at the locked door.

The door was still locked, but it had several large indentations in the middle, signifying that whoever was stalking them on the ship had been busy. He could well remember last night when they had been awoken at three in the morning, terrified out of their wits as the creature frantically clawed and smashed against the door until it finally gave up after thirty minutes and left. Whoever had designed the ship's doors had clearly been paid very well.

"What do we do now?" Calvin sighed, scratching his side as he stood up.

Hobbes surveyed the room, taking in the huge mess. He picked up the remote control for the TV that sat on top of the dresser and pressed the power button, and after a brief moment, it sprung into life, revealing an endless stream of static.

"Man, the TV _still _doesn't work!" Calvin complained.

"The entertainment systems still work," said Hobbes with a yawn. "We can watch any movies we want or any TV shows we want, but we can't catch anything local."

"Too bad. I was hoping we could see the status of our rescue mission. You'd think after a week someone might have _seen _us our here."

Hobbes pressed the button on the remote again and turned the TV off. He chucked it aside onto a chair before looking around the room again, taking in all the food wrappers, empty plates, drinking glasses and banana peels lying on the floor. "Do you think it's safe to venture out for food? We seem to have finally run out of essentials."

Calvin took in the mess disdainfully. "If only we could've gotten lost at sea with the cleaning crew," he muttered. "I guess we might as well. Arm yourself."

Hobbes went over to the bed and grabbed the heavy metal baseball bat they'd found in the ship's sports center. He swung it around a few times, accidentally taking out a reading lamp in the process, but he was satisfied that it would be fine. "Ready."

Calvin went over the door and prepared to unlock it. "Okay, be ready."

Hobbes went into the wind up.

Calvin pushed down on the lock, causing them both to hear a surprisingly loud clock as the door began to swing open.

Hobbes went into a charge, all set with a battle cry in case he had a battle to cry at.

No one was there. Their stalker was gone.

Peeking around the edges of the doorframe at the outside world, they saw that the stalker was nowhere to be seen. They were perfectly safe.

"He seems to be gone," Calvin murmured. "Bring the bat anyway. We need to be ready."

"Roger," Hobbes replied, dutifully putting the bat against his shoulder like a bayonet.

Throwing a few more cautious glances around their perimeter to ensure that they were alone, they set off as bravely as they could down the corridor towards the elevator that would take them to the food deck.

* * *

After their initial overindulgence upon first being stranded, the two friends were now so shaken by their mysterious visitor that they were now down to taking only the essentials. They gathered a large shopping cart that belonged to one of the grocery stores, and they proceeded to travel through the shops, taking whatever they deemed important enough to take with them. Recognizing the rather dire circumstances they were in, Calvin had decided that taking fruits and vegetables along with them was probably a good idea, grabbing apples, bananas and carrots as they went, and he also grabbed some canned green beans and green peas as well, having figured out how to cook them over the water tank in the boiler room.

They kept the baseball bat at the ready, poised for battle in the kiddie seat, and Calvin rode in the front of the cart, keeping a good look out, while Hobbes pushed from behind, struggling to see over the top of the handlebar. They walked all over the shops, grabbing whatever supplies they could get.

Calvin was just loading up a tub of ice cream when he thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye moving. When he turned to look, it was gone, and there was no trace of anything having been there, which only terrified him more. He set the ice cream down in the cart and leaned against the edge, trying to see.

Hobbes, meanwhile, was loading up on tuna and salmon, when he heard a noise behind him that made him shout with terror, dropping all the cans, only to realize before they all hit the floor that the noise had simply been the air conditioning coming on. He sheepishly gathered up his supplies.

"This is getting ridiculous," Calvin muttered. "Stranded in the middle of the ocean for an entire week has reduced us to nervous wrecks! We've faced hoards of aliens and evil entities in the past with _far worse_ amenities!"

"Well, to be fair," Hobbes said as he loaded everything into the cart, "we always had the MTM or your inventions or our friends to back us up. Now we're alone with nothing to really defend ourselves but a baseball bat and calorific snacks."

Calvin groaned. "We can't go on like this. We need to find some way off this ship. If they can't find us, then we need to make ourselves known."

"I agree, but how do we do that?"

"We need to explore the ship a bit more. We need to locate the radio or the emergency flares or something."

"I vote we find the radio. The last thing we need right now is you playing with a bunch of fireworks."

"I wouldn't do anything unseemly!"

"Other than try to see if you can pierce the hull of the ship with one?"

"… Well, come on! It's for science!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes and proceeded to push the shopping cart down the aisle again.

* * *

The soft chime of the elevator went off to alert them that they were finally on the main floor. The doors slid open, allowing them out onto the less-than-cushy floor of the service decks. They hadn't been hard to get to, much to their surprise.

Hobbes peered out into the hallway. "Wow, you'd think this area would be cordoned off to passengers," he said quietly.

Calvin was munching on the ice cream he'd gotten earlier, shoveling it down with a spoon while keeping a focused eye on his surroundings. "Either we got lucky, or this ship is falling apart," he replied between bites. "What's the map say?"

Hobbes took out the map of the ship they'd gotten in the main lobby. "It says here that we're on the officer's deck. The main control room should be down there somewhere," he said, pointing in the direction of the large doors at the far end of the hall.

"Good. Hopefully, the radio and transmitter will be in there as well."

Continuing his snack, he set off down the corridor, while Hobbes brought the shopping cart with them, absently munching on some cookies he'd grabbed.

They made it to the end of the hall, and they found that the double doors were electronic with no handles on them, and there were buttons on a keypad next to them. They stared at them for a long moment, still snacking and wondering what they would need to do about them.

"Got any ideas?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes stuffed another cookie in his mouth and thought for a moment. "Well, we're without technology, so we'll have to rely on basics," he said at last, wiping his mouth off.

"And that would mean…?"

"We break it."

"Oh, good," Calvin said approvingly, setting the tub of ice cream down for a moment. "Pass me the baseball bat."

Hobbes reached into the cart and pulled out the baseball bat, handing it over to his human friend.

Calvin took it in his hands, gripping the rubber-lined handle, and promptly started whacking at the keypad, smashing away at it until sparks started to fly from it, and in a moment, the whole thing fell off, clattering on the floor in a cloud of thick black smoke.

After a few seconds, there was a triumphant beeping noise as the doors slid open, revealing the main control room of the cruise ship, filled with all sorts of gadgets and panels that could control the ship.

"Always stick to your strengths in times like this," Calvin said smoothly, handing the bat back to Hobbes. He finished his ice cream and hefted the empty carton into a nearby trashcan before heading into the room.

Hobbes finished the cookies, tossed the empty bag in with the ice cream carton and walked into the room after him.

"Well!" Calvin said, taking in the large room. "This is the bridge! Now what do we do?"

"… Look for a radio?" Hobbes suggested.

"Sounds good… but what does a ship's radio look like?"

Hobbes scanned the room, looking at the various control panels that lined the desks. There were a _lot _of desks, and they all had their own panels loaded with buttons and switches, and a few monitors were set up between them. There was a flat table with a map of the ocean on it, which confused them because it wasn't like there were highways with numbers out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. There were also some chairs around the room, with one in particular that sat in front of the outermost row of computers. It was tall, made of leather, and looked like the sort of chair you would have your hair cut in.

Climbing into the chair, Calvin took in the room, trying to find anything that might resemble a radio. "So much tech, so little time…," he murmured.

"Let's focus on the task at hand," Hobbes pleaded.

"Agreed. Now let's see… If I were a radio, where would I be…?"

His eyes scanned intensely over the various instruments, trying to figure out which one was the right one. They all sort of blended together in a monochrome cascade of buttons and knobs and dials.

Eventually, his eyes locked onto a headset resting on top of a console in the center of the room. A bit miffed he hadn't seen it earlier, he climbed down from the chair and took it, looking it over. "I think this is it," he said, turning it over in his hands. "How do these things work…?"

Hobbes took the chord it was attached to and followed it to the machine it was hooked up to. "It seems to be attached to this doohickey," he said at last. "Maybe if we activate that, we'll make it do whatever it needs to do."

"That will require us doing something technical, I figure," Calvin muttered, putting the headset on. "You know, I always thought I was a genius when it came to understanding technology. Now that I'm trapped out here without the MTM or Sherman to help me, I'm feeling a little lost."

"Yes, even I would appreciate the rat's help at the moment," Hobbes murmured. "His absence is truly causing a bit of a vacuum in our lives… but then, so did his presence."

Calvin stared at the plethora of shiny buttons and switches, trying to see if any of them were labeled. Crossing his fingers with one hand, he proceeded to flip the switch with fingers on the other hand.

The headset instantly transmitted a high-pitched squeal into his ears that caused him to shout in surprise and drop to the floor, clutching his chest. He wrenched them off and rubbed his sore ears.

"Well, we turned it on," Hobbes said, frantically trying to find a switch that would cancel out the noise. He flipped several of them, causing the high-pitched whine to change in pitch and volume several times before finally finding the one that switched it off, and now they could hear static coming from it.

"Okay, we figured that one out," Calvin sighed. "Now we just need to contact someone with it."

"Who do we contact?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, given the severity of the situation, we'll need someone competent, trained in rescue and capable of actually getting the job done."

"Not Search and Rescue then?"

"Heck no! They couldn't find us for two weeks in the mountains! What are they odds they'll find us _out here_?"

"Then who do we call?"

"I'll try contacting the MTM. Maybe he can help."

"If he can, why hasn't he already? We've been out here for a week."

"I don't know. Maybe there's something wrong. We have to try, though."

Calvin pressed a few buttons on the control panel, hoping against hope that there was someone out there who could pick up their transmission. "Hello?" he asked hopefully. "Anyone there? SOS! Anyone?"

He heard the strange sound of feedback change in pitch each time he pressed a button, but there were no voices coming out.

"It's not working," Hobbes said inanely.

"Darn technology," Calvin grumbled. "Obviously made by amateurs."

The event that occurred next was rather alarming, causing them both to jump backwards in shock. There was the millisecond-long sound of a laser discharging, and a brief streak of red zipped past and connected with the radio, causing it to explode in a flash of smoke and electricity. They ducked down as bits of plastic shrapnel were hurled at them, clattering onto the floor before throwing the room into silence once again.

Slowly, Calvin and Hobbes raised their heads to look at the destroyed radio, which was even more useless as its remains sparked and crackled in a heap on the shelf.

They looked in the direction that the laser had come from, and they stared in bewilderment at a shadow figure in the doorway.

"… Any last regrets?" Calvin asked quietly.

"Only that I never finished eating the meat section in the grocery store," Hobbes replied. "How about you?"

"Just that we didn't lock the door behind us."

The figure put one foot into the room.

Both friends grabbed onto each other in terror.

However, now that they looked carefully, they could see that the foot was metallic and reflecting in the light. In fact, now that the figure was stepping all the way into fairly-well-lit room, the entire _person_ was mechanical. It had a head, but no face. Its legs were stiff and a bit awkward looking as it walked into the room.

"It's a robot," Calvin murmured.

"Why a robot?" Hobbes asked. "What's a robot doing _here_?"

The robot suddenly raised its left arm and aimed it right at them, and they realized it was getting ready to fire its second shot of the day.

"Killing us, it would appear," Calvin replied.

The laser sounded like it was charging up now as it made a high-pitched humming sound.

"What do we do to keep from getting killed?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin's eyes immediately darted to the baseball bat lying on the floor before them. In a flash, he dove towards it.

The robot fired.

Hobbes jumped in the opposite direction just as it connected with another part of the computers, causing them erupt in a fiery shower of sparks and smoke.

Calvin got the bat and jumped into a fighting position.

The robot turned again, apparently ready to fire a third time.

Calvin responded by smashing the robot's hand downwards with the bat before swing it again, a lot higher this time.

The robot's head came clean off. It clattered on the floor and skidded across the room. Its body sank to its knees and collapsed.

The two friends stared in shock for a moment.

"… Well, that wasn't so hard," said Calvin at last, holding the bat against his shoulder like a Big League player.

"All that panic over a robot that can't even stand up to decapitation," Hobbes sighed, shaking his head. "That's a whole week of relaxation down the drain."

Suddenly, the robot's bare neck sparked, causing them both to jump. It staggered upright again, and it began feeling around for its head. Much to their horror, the head proceeded to move in its body's direction, waddling back and forth as it attempted to get closer.

"Maybe we should make tracks," Hobbes whimpered.

"Agreed," Calvin said with a nod.

Keeping the bat on them, the two friends fled the bridge as fast as they could.

The robot finally found its head and proceeded to pick it up and put it back on its head, snapping it in place while a faint glow appeared around its neck, indicating that its self-repair system was taking effect. With everything solidified and reconnected, it turned and proceeded to sprint down the corridor after them.

* * *

Calvin's fist punched into a button in the elevator and watched as the doors slid shut. As he felt the compartment jerk slightly and start to travel upwards, he went to join Hobbes in the corner. The tiger was clutching the baseball bat tightly in his paws, facing the door and ready to swing should the robot force its way in.

"I feel bad for not grabbing the shopping cart," Calvin muttered, sitting down on the floor.

"I don't," Hobbes replied. "After all that excitement, my tummy's all bubbly."

"Okay… we've figured out that the creature is actually a robot. Now we need to figure out _why _there's a robot on a cruise ship."

"Security? I mean, we haven't seen any guards or crewmembers the entire time we've been here."

"You think the people on this planet are smart enough to build a robot like that? No, no, no, there's gotta be something else."

There was a loud noise from above them, and suddenly, the elevator stopped, and the lights flickered, but thankfully, they didn't go off.

The two friends sat there in silent disbelief.

"No way…," Calvin murmured. He ran over to the buttons and proceeded to push them determinedly, but nothing happened.

"How can this happen?!" Hobbes cried. "Why?!"

"Okay, keep your head! We just need to figure this out. How do we escape?"

Hobbes suddenly froze where he stood, as if he had just heard something.

"… What is it?" Calvin asked, knowing that his friend had all five senses enhanced, being of a feline nature.

"I'm not sure, but it came from beneath us," Hobbes replied quietly.

"… Did it sound like elevator doors being pried open?"

"… You know, that may be it."

"I don't suppose you can hear the sound of something climbing up a wall in our direction?"

"Now that you mention it…"

_**CRANG!**_

They both jumped backwards as a large metal hand suddenly burst through the center of the floor, and it was already glowing bright red, preparing to fire a laser.

In a moment's panic, Hobbes swung the baseball bat at the hand, sending it flying off the robot's wrist in a shower of sparks, and it bounced off the opposite wall before clattering on the carpeted floor. They both watched as the red glow disappeared.

The sparking wrist disappeared back into the floor as it tried to get its other hand through the hole.

Hobbes then noticed the ventilation shaft over the elevator and pushed it open with the bat. "Come on! This way!" he said quickly, lacing his fingers together to give his friend a leg up.

Calvin quickly snatched up the severed robot hand and climbed into his friend's paws, and Hobbes lifted him up and pushed him through the opening. He passed up the bat and jumped up after him as the robot finished tearing the floor open and digging its way inside.

Calvin and Hobbes continued to climb up the cables towards the next door, which thankfully wasn't far away.

"How do we get it open?" Hobbes asked.

"With this," Calvin replied, holding onto the robot hand. He toyed with the exposed wiring on the back and pressed a few together. One of the fingers glowed bright red, and after a moment of humming, it fired a single blast through the elevator doors, cutting a nice clean hole through them that was actually a bit on the small side.

"… Is that it?" Hobbes asked disappointedly.

"Er…"

"Do we have any _pencils _that need to escape?"

"Give me a second…"

Calvin fiddled with the wires again, and a moment later, all five fingers were glowing, and they fired all together, cutting an even bigger hole in the door, which was this time big enough for them to get through.

At that moment, the elevator below them was wrenched open as the one-handed robot fought its way out of the capsule, and it began to very rapidly crawl up the wall towards them.

Calvin managed to swing across to the hole in the doors from the cable, and Hobbes jumped across after him, just as the robot was about to get them. It was just about to jump across and get them, when Calvin suddenly played with the wires some more and caused the middle finger to fire at the cable the robot was climbing up, slicing it neatly in two, and the half with the robot plummeted, taking it with it, and they both landed on top of the elevator, causing the other cables to snap, and they all went screeching away, plunging into the darkness for several seconds before they heard a crash quietly echo back up towards them.

The two friends collapsed against the wall behind them, exhausted and catching their breath.

"Man…," Hobbes gasped, slumping pitifully on the floor. "We're out of shape…"

"Well, we're finally rid of that thing," Calvin replied. "We can go back to normal around here. I bet if we hurry, we can get to the movie theater and catch a flick before bedtime."

Their thoughts were interrupted by an electronic beeping noise. They looked around for a moment before realizing it was coming from right next to them. It was coming from the severed robot hand they had. The palm was blinking a red light in time with the beeping.

"What's that?" Hobbes asked with quiet dread.

"Well, judging from the frequency patterns, I'd deduce that it's a transmission signal," Calvin replied, holding the hand.

"So… it's transmitting?"

"Yes, it is."

"… Transmitting to whom?"

"Well… I'd wager to whoever sent it."

"So… whoever sent it will be able to find us?"

"Yeah, probably, they will."

"And if the people who sent it are trying to kill us, then we should probably be a little nervous right now."

"Yeah…"

They slowly staggered to their feet.

"Okay, we need to be sensible," Calvin said at last. "We'll both stand guard on opposite sides of the ship. You guard on the port side. I'll guard the starboard side. If one of us sees something approaching, we immediately go and contact the other."

"… Okay…," Hobbes said uncertainly. "So… do we just hang out on opposite sides of the ship until we see something?"

"Well, it's either that, or we chance the possibility of the bad guys coming and getting us in our sleep."

"… All right, let's do it."

"Okay. See you later, ol' buddy."

"You, too. Don't forget about meals."

"Maybe I should for a while. All this constant snacking seems to be giving me a double chin…"

"Nah, you look fine."

"Really?"

"You've got the metabolism of a six-year-old. Me – all it takes is an entire fish buffet, and I gain five pounds."

"Hobbes?"

"Yes."

"… Why are we talking like two middle-aged women?"

"… I don't know. It just happened."

After a long pause, they reluctantly turned and headed in opposite directions of the ship.

They left the robot hand on the floor, beeping away.

* * *

The beeping on Dr Brainstorm's radar continued, much to his delight. "At last, we've found them!" he crowed triumphantly, running up from the cabin to the deck, where he found Jack rest on a deck chair, sipping a mao-tai out of a coconut cup.

"What's going on?" the robot asked sleepily, looking out from under his straw hat.

"I've found the boy and the tiger! The recon robot has transmitted the signal!"

"Oh, good, glad to hear it."

Dr Brainstorm pulled a telescope out of his lab coat pocket and aimed it at the ocean, looking around. "The signal said it was coming from _that _direction! We shall find that cruise ship and eliminate the pair of them!"

"Did they defeat the recon robot?"

"Sadly, yes, but no matter. The robot was _supposed _to beat them. Now that _they've _beaten _it_, they will feel smug and superior, believing they've won, and now they'll think they can defeat _anything_!"

"Anything built by _you_, anyway."

"Oh, whatever! Come, Jack! We've got work to do! Help me plot a course!"

"Aye, aye, captain," Jack replied sarcastically as he got up and stretched before heading down into the cabin where all the computers and radars were.

Heading for the main computer with the radar screen, he began to pull up the information about the recon robot, curious to see what had happened to it. He found that it had pretty much been crushed in some sort of crash, which he found slightly amusing, given that it had been on a cruise ship.

However, the more he read, the more confused he began to feel. There were elements of data that weren't lining up with reality.

"Hey, Frank! Get down here!" he called up to the upper deck.

"_**DR BRAINSTORM! **_What is it now?" the mad scientist demanded angrily, stomping down into the cabin with his telescope.

"I'm reading some of the data the recon robot sent back, and there's one little detail that stands out above all else."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?"

"Well, we sent the robot out to them six hours ago, right?"

"Right."

"It says it was on the cruise ship for a week."

Dr Brainstorm stared at the readout on the screen in confusion. It was true. For some reason, the recon robot had reported seven days' worth of activity.

"Must be a glitch," Brainstorm grumbled. "I built that thing in a hurry. Must've gotten a few things wrong."

"You must've…," Jack murmured, looking genuinely stumped.

"Time to plot a course! Come on, Jack! We need to get out there and catch him before someone else does!"

"… Yeah, okay," Jack agreed, setting to work at the computers, mainly because he was now _very _curious to see what was happening on that cruise ship.


End file.
